To wonder if this is common in teenage boys

[Puddingypops]

My son is nearly 15 at which point I basically let him watch whatever he likes, within reason, with me. I’m not talking about gore horror. But Tarantino movies, breaking bad, game of thrones etc etc

hes a little softie so no risk of becoming violent (the very idea is hilarious he is a ballet dancer) but wants to be an actor and adores great acting and story telling.

but of course a lot of these films and series contain fair amount, sometimes a lot, of violence and it doesn’t bother him.

only twice have I seen him look away (I always give him an option and warning when those kinds of scenes come up).

Last night was the third time and I realised what it was…. We were watching inglorious bastards which has loads of violence and he was enjoying it all up until a women got strangled to death, before this scene there was loads worse violence, but he looked away saying omg omg

then it dawned on me that every other scene he has turned away from were also acts of violence against women, I asked him and he said he didnt actively realise it was that but yes when he thinks about violence towards women or scenes of violence against women it gives him strange feelings in his legs and makes me feel emotional.

it made me wonder, is that a usual thing in boys, an innate caveman urge to protect women? Or just a personal thing? What do you think?

I think you're allowing your son to be exposed to harsh and violent realities in the name of entertainment that he's too young for. There's a reason these things are age rated. Are you telling us how proud you are that he finds it uncomfortable to watch a woman being stangled?

I don't know exactly what it is, but my boys (20 and 18) have both told me they feel they have to be hyper-vigilant about women's safety when they're out in big crowds, eg at music festivals or busy clubs. They both tend to avoid those settings now because they say they just can't enjoy themselves - they feel responsible for looking out for bad behaviour from other men, and if necessary stepping in. It's really interesting, and quite sad. (FWIW I don't think it's either reasonable or desirable for them to feel responsible for anything they haven't themselves done.)

It's not a popular opinion on Mumsnet but I do think young men of this vintage - perhaps particularly those with educated and left wing-ish parents - have received an awful lot of messages about how dreadful young men are, and how they are very much responsible for all kinds of bad things. And I don't think it's healthy, or helpful. Hasn't held my two back in any significant way and I'm not expecting sympathy (especially from parents of girls and young women who must worry a lot about their daughters' safety), but I wish people would be a bit more nuanced in what they say. My sons are not responsible for the actions of rapists or sexual criminals or harassers or violent men, any more than I am.

I have a nearly 15 year old and no way would I encourage him to watch stuff like that. He watches TV, Films, plays and shows with us (he’s very into drama and is in lots of shows at school). But he would not want to watch extreme violence and I wouldn’t want him to enjoy that!

Lol are you telling me you guys didn’t watch pulp fiction at 14/15 I did!

My thoughts exactly.

Do you want a congratulations that your son doesn’t get off on women being strangled?

And BTW, from he mother of a boy who is emotional and sensitive - being a ballet dancer doesn’t mean he will never be violent. Being sensitive and emotional doesn’t mean my son won’t either. They’re male - don’t assume he will be good all his life.

I find this a little strange. Most people that would turn, both men and women, usually turn away at the baseball bat scene in Inglorious Bastards

I don’t think there is a ‘cave man’ thing to protect women, as it is overwhelmingly men who beat women up. They seem more like ‘cave men’ to me, anyway.

Sounds like your kid doesn’t enjoy watching people being strangled- not something I would enjoy either. Try watching different films together? Lots of good acting to be seen without watching violence.

Oh he didn’t look for that, he heeded the warning

Pacific state, Surely we are all responsible for others safety, especially so if you are physically bigger and stronger, being male is an advantage that should be used in certain circumstances.

Is it possible it is because it was more “realistic” violence. A woman being strangled is probably a more likely a reality that say someone being chainsawed inhalf which is more like over the top unrealistic violent.

He doesn't enjoy watching people or women get strangled on TV?

So unique.

What a strange post!

Op, I avoid tarantino movies, they're mainly misogynistic violent willy waving bullshit

Seriously!!! Hes 15 not 5

sadly I should imagine most 15 years old boys have seen much worse in the internet on their phones.

I was interested in having a discussion on if young men have a natural aversion to any violence against women as in inbuilt primal thing but as usual it’s a pile on.

This is quite obviously bullshit though, you only need to look at the world around you to realise it.

That is probably one of the best flouncing messages I have ever seen on here

Saw Pulp Fiction at the cinema when I was 14. I haven’t shot anyone yet 🤣

Nope and not even at the age of 18 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was about 13 when out with friends and a girl in a different group we were talking with wanted to fight me. I have no recollection or understanding why.

I backed away. I was called chicken, etc.
I continued to back away.

I didn’t want to leave the group i was with, but the aggression from her continued.

she just kept coming at me and eventually landed a few blows. Still i refused to fight and was quite blunt that it was because she was female.

i was called a few names at school because I hadn’t hit her.

so, for me, it’s a normal way to think. But not every has the same sentiment and even now, I still dont think a girl hitting me is cause enough to return the hit, but i some will say that’s too much.

He sounds like a decent lad.

As for the posters suggesting he’s being exposed to the wrong things at 15 - i think you’re better to do it at home than it be done covert than with the “lads”.

Only thing I would add, is that I’m a child of a DV relationship (I was under 2) - and if my biological dad came anywhere near me or my family - I would rip off his arms and beat him with them. I hope hes dead by now.

Wow that escalated! My kids watch violent stuff from time to time, just not so much sexual assault and violence against women, doesn't make me a judgmental cunt, more a protective one 😀

Maybe watching all those movies when you were too young is why you have such a thin skin now OP, what a massive flounce, love it.

I have a 15 year old boy well he’s 16 soon. I don’t police what he watches. In fact I have no idea what he watches 🤷. I mean he’s almost 16!

He has a lot of female friends and he’s very protective of then. They have a very tight knit group of about 6 of them since year 7 and I’ve seen the other boys are too.

OP isn't wrong though, it does always turn into a pile on. It's tedious.