To expect partner to put food away?

[KnackeredAF]

Pretty self explanatory.

I do 95% of the cooking. Last night as I was dishing up I put the leftovers in containers for lunch today. Leftovers contained rice.

I did some other jobs e.g. clearing up, bins out and then went for a bath.

I went straight into our room after the bath as baby had woken up and needed a feed (breastfed).

I woke up at 5am this morning and thought “shit hope partner is put the food away”. He hadn’t. He’d put the lids on and left them out all night.

I said this morning that he can take the food if he wants but it’s a bit dodgy as it was out all night, and that he could have put the food away as I’d clearly forgotten.

He now thinks I’m an arse.

AIBU?

Why would he think you are an arse for expecting him to do a basic task like refrigerate leftovers? Is he this much of a dick in all areas of household care or do you do it all?

I think it was pretty obvious the food needed putting in the fridge, yes.

Tbh this happened to me quite a few times ans I was actually the one cooking and planning to put it away....
It happens

Aye but if you got as far as putting the kids on?

LIDS!!!

I should probably go back to sleep and stop getting embroiled in rice-based Tupperware arguments on the internet.

Is this correct? You left food out and your husband didn't put it in the fridge. You feel it's his responsibility to note you've 'clearly forgotten' and to make up for your deficit. You've 'told him off' for not doing this and you're surprised he's not best pleased?
You're being an arse

Yes🫥
I now learned to cool it quickly in aink with called water while I wipe down kitchen so it can go straight in a fridge🙈

Sink cold water.

You are not alone @TenebrousD 😂

Ooo depends when he put the lids on - if my DH had dished up food and was then doing other bits and bobs I'd put lids on when it was too warm for the fridge Id think he would come back for his food that he'd dished up when it was cold to put into the fridge?

If you'd done chores then gone for a bath, was he busy with DC?

You forgot to go and put it in the fridge after dishing it up and doing your other bits I think it's a bit unfair to expect he would have done it if you didn't remember to!

Why does he think you’re an arse?

He didn’t put the food in the fridge, and he can still take it if he wants but as you pointed out, that’s his risk to take.

Were you arsey about it?

You’re right. Maybe she could have even shoved a broom up her arse whilst she was cleaning the rest of the house and settling the baby

My DH does this constantly after he cooks something BUT he isn’t the one doing bedtime. He sits in the kitchen for hours watching stuff on tv and being on the laptop watching YT vids and I end up putting it away in the morning as I’m getting things ready for the kids. I put mine away immediately after I finish eating.

It’s a different of upbringing for us though. His parents do the same while I was taught the kitchen should be tidy enough so that anyone who goes in the kitchen can prepare food without having to also move things and clean up. Annoys me greatly.

I think since he was able to put the lids on, he could have put them away.

If you noticed your partner has missed something knowing they likely got distracted/busy, you would either ask them or put it away.

I think going from one task to another hasn't helped as she's got distracted and not completed. Adding other tasks would probably make things worse.

So you both forgot to put the food away. I would say in this instance it is on both of you. I would question why you are doing everything though.

What was he doing while you were clearing up and putting the bins out? And why wasn’t he clearing up if you cooked?

DP is a bit like this: has zero concept of resetting the kitchen for the next day. Partly ADHD, partly brought up with the magic mummy fairy doing everything for the men in the house, partly too busy looking at his fucking phone all the time. He would also do something like put the lids on (initiative!) but not put them in the fridge then claim “I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do with them?” (Answer: put them in the fucking fridge) or “I thought you might have left them out for a reason” (Answer: what possible reason?) or “You left them too” (Answer: because I was off dealing with the baby). Thankfully he’s useful in other ways but this is a bit of a kicker.

There has to be a backstory surrounding him being lazy and you doing everything for this one thing to bother you so much? In our house it would be an 'oh well' moment and we would both get on with our day. No blame, no comments about how he could have done it and no calling anyone an arse. So, what's the real issue?

To clarify:

• No, I didn’t wake him at 5
• No, I didn’t throw anything at him
• My tone was probably slightly arsey as I now have to make lunch for our little one instead of using the leftovers as planned
• He was relaxing in the open plan living and kitchen area and went to get himself a drink before bed so would have been next to the containers
• The lids definitely weren’t on before I went for a bath
• Little one was asleep throughout my bath, so he was not in with him

As a sidenote having a bath is the only chance I get to relax without my child, as I provide essentially all of our childcare and it is my only chance to wash my hair - so I view it more as necessary personal care rather than luxurious relaxation (in anyone raised an eyebrow at the fact I wasn’t busy ironing or doing some other household task) 🫠

I understand why you are annoyed- I would be too- and it wouldn't really be just about the leftover food.
I definitely feel an unbalance in my house that my husband can just... not think about what needs doing next or looking around the house to make sure things are done and dusted before coming to bed. If I go upstairs to deal with baby straight after tea and accidentally fall asleep until morning, he would probably come up to bed at some point later having spent his evening relaxing and doing "fun" stuff and there would likely be windows still open, no babies bottles clean for morning, dinner things left out. I mean I may be selling him short, sometimes there wouldn't, but he just wouldn't see it as his responsibility to make sure everything is done and ready for morning.
In my opinion if I am off taking care of the baby or doing XYZ job that needs doing , then a good partner should be taking care of other things that need doing and not just sitting watching YouTube videos .

Weaponised incompetence

You're both at fault for not remembering to put it away, BUT it sounds like the reason you're annoyed is that you're tired of doing more than your fair share of the mental load. Is that the actual issue here? That he doesn't pull his weight in general?