Partner always accuses me of nagging when I just need some help

[Clgal]

This might be a long one so apologies for that. My partner and I have an [almost] 2 year old. We both work full time and I do the majority of, well everything really! Cooking, cleaning, taking care of our DS, getting up in the morning, life admin etc etc. My post is relating to my partner constantly telling me I nag him and I just can’t bare it any more! Is it really nagging to point out that he, yet again, hasn’t cleared the shower out of hairs and soap scum or that the bin is overflowing and needs taking out? It’s his response to any time I ask him to help out with a bit of housework. The latest one was this evening. His car has been on its way out for months, my cars battery died last week and he told me to get it fixed asap as ‘we need at least one reliable car’ which I don’t disagree with. So I spent £300 on it being fixed. Meanwhile, my partner spent £350 on a mountain bike. This evening we’ve notice oil(?) dripping from underneath his car. I told him now might be the time to get it looked at and just pay whatever it costs to be fixed. He said he can’t afford it. I told him I couldn’t really afford my car last week but I found the money and paid to have the issue fixed- after he told me to. I also pointed out that had he not bought the bike he would have £350 more than what he does that could have gone towards his car. This is me nagging him? To me, this is a pretty reasonable observation and it seems that anytime I say something he doesn’t like, I am nagging. He knows how much it annoys me. My dad left my mum due to her constant nagging and feel like he uses this on purpose to make me panic and not mention anything. But I’m not that type of person. If I think something needs doing I will usually do it myself but I am not afraid to point out when he is lacking. As I said earlier I do EVERYTHING and he gets away with the bare minimum. He’s the type of guy that can’t wait to point out the 1 house chore he’s done that day while I’ve been at work and I can’t stand it. Anyway I feel like I am ranting now. But I just wonder, what actually is nagging? Is it really nagging to suggest that things get done? Does he accuse me of nagging because he hates when I am right? Does he say it to deflect and get away with doing the bare minimum? How can I make him realise that I don’t mean to ‘nag’ but if I don’t say things nothing will ever get done? Advice, or any experiences welcome, I’d like to know I’m not alone and over reacting to this.

“My dad left my mum due to her constant nagging”

Perhaps karma actually does exist, and what you’re going through now is your karma for that attitude?

So you’re blaming the woman, but don’t like it when he does?

But, yes - he’s still in the wrong. There isn’t a fix, I’d end it.

Jesus Christ.

Just another way to shut women down, he should pull his weight

You need to get a frilly apron, serve his needs and stop moaning, that's what he's after, as well as the posters father who left his wife

Was he nagging you when he told you to get your car fixed? Just asking.

Yes how dare she ask him to pull his weight?

Calling it nagging is a misogynistic method of shutting you down.

Just let him get on with it... if his car breaks down then that's his problem. Split chores - if he doesn't empty the bin, just open another bin bag and put it on top. Just play the long ball until he gets the idea you aren't his mum and picking up his slack.

Women need to atop saying "help with household stuff". It makes us sound weak and like it is indeed only our job and the guy is a hero for helping.

It's only "nagging" when the other person doesn't want to hear it. It's a misogynist term to shame women who dare to speak, express an opinion or their own perspective.

Just stop cleaning/tidying/washing anything he uses. Leave his stuff lying around where he dropped it, eventually he’ll notice.

I couldn't stay with someone as lazy and selfish as he sounds.
Does he bring anything positive to the family?
Is he a brilliant dad who does his fair share of parenting? No.
Does he share the domestic responsibilities of running the home? No.
Does he contribute his fair share to the family budget? Doesn't sound like it.
Does he respect you? Doesn't sound like it.
I would be figuring out how to separate quickly and efficiently. So I would be looking at all the legal and financial factors.
Move this to the relationships board. You will get lots of good advice.

Let the bin overflow, he’ll notice it needs emptying eventually.

What made you start taking on all the housework?

“Nagging” just means “asking more than once”. You shouldn’t have to ask more than once; you shouldn’t have to ask at all, and it shouldn’t be him “helping” you – you’re not the house manager, you’re not the creator of mess and chores and life. These are not solely your responsibilities.

Make a list – a biiiiiiig list with everything on, from hairs in the drains to bleaching the loo to renewing the TV licence to daily wiping the high chair to organising play dates to everything. A big comprehensive list. (You shouldn’t have to, I know. You don’t need a list, you just do it.) Split the list 50/50 between you. He doesn’t get to choose all weekly, five-minute tasks like bins, or tasks that avoid childcare, like mowing the lawn. Some of the daily drudge lands with him: the high chair wiping, the meal planning, the dishwasher emptying. Then he either gets on with it and domestic harmony is restored. Or he doesn’t and you realised you’ve got yourself an albatross and you’d be better off single: one less adult in the house is one less adult’s worth of mess and dirt and admin to consider. And no more conversations about nagging, either! A bonus!

"Maybe I wouldn't have to nag you if you'd take some fucking initiative and just DO the things that need doing when you see them".