Is it ever OK to leave my newborn to cry?

[Chocolatelover3]

I’m a first time mum and hearing different advice on this subject from professionals and friends

Since our son hit the two month mark he’s obviously having longer wake hours. I’m finding during the witching hours in the evening I can’t get anything done. Sometimes during the day too.

I’m currently picking him up every time he cries but I’m wondering if it would be wrong of me to let him cry for 5 mins max whilst I quickly finish the washing up or finish my dinner etc so long as he’s fed clean burped

I was told by midwives and at our antenatal classes not to leave them to cry and that you can never spoil your baby by holding home if they need you - but at the same time friends / family are telling me it’s ok if it’s just for 5 mins and I still need to get bits done

YABU - no do not leave him to cry and hold him
YANBU - ok to leave to cry for a short while

I think you're only one person. A sling is really helpful when you need to get things done but I tend to work it based off the cry if I'm very honest. There's a distinct difference between my baby starting to gurn a bit because he wants lifted/ is bored and him being upset or something being wrong. If I'm doing something that I know will take 2 minutes to finish and he's gurning a bit I wouldn't immediately respond if I know he's safe and i won't take long. But if he's properly crying then I would go lift him immediately. So I let him lead me in terms of his tolerance if that makes sense? But I wouldn't leave him fussing for more than a few minutes before just putting him in the sling or just stopping what I'm doing. I don't have overly high expectations of myself during the day and I get most stuff done at night when he goes to sleep so I'm starting the next day on a reasonably straight edge. There's some occasions where you have no choice but to let them cry like being on the motorway driving etc and I think in those moments being able to talk to baby and sing etc to try and calm them is responding even though you're not doing it through physical touch? I'm with the others on the noise though, I find it extremely stressful listening to him crying and I would do whatever I can just to stop it because I find the noise more draining than anything else. For the shower I just brought his bouncer in to the bathroom with me so he could see me or set him on the floor in his bath chair when I knew he wasn't Mobile enough to get out of it. Now he's bigger and wrigglier I try to time it with naps or I just bring him in with me (our shower is in our bath) and he splashes around at the bottom while I wash at the top and I just keep the water angled away from him and am careful with what products I use. I've also brought his pram in and wheeled him around beside me so he could see me. It's not easy.

Thank you. This is what I am going through at the moment - as soon as he cries I cripple with anxiety and finish what I’m doing to go and hold him. When I’m around family or friends then tell me “Just finish your lunch quickly then hold him - he’ll be fine for a couple of mins!” But I find it hard.

Also with the washing up I meant more if I’m already half way through with wet hands etc not about to start, baby is always priority which is why I tend to him straight away.

It seems all my friends / family think I’m tending to him too quick so I wasn’t sure if maybe I should just quickly finish things before rushing over to him.

Yes I also live in a flat and my DH isn’t here during the day so sometimes when we have to go out I have to take the pram down or put things in the car and leave him upstairs and I HATE it but it’s what I need to do. Little one doesn’t like the sling either! I feel like he can sense when I leave the room which is why I asked this question because it’s getting to the point where I’m holding in my wee or not making lunch because I’m worried he’s going cry. I think maybe it’s okay for me to tend to him but I need to relax a bit and put my basic needs first so I can look after him better