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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...To be upset by this

38 replies

hormonalandunsure · 20/06/2023 12:56

Finished work on Friday to start maternity leave and have been going over this since then, back and forth whether it's just hormones or what.

Everyone was pleasant and wished me well. I received a small gift from 2 of my coworkers. But nothing from the whole team.

On my last day, my manager even flustered that someone had a birthday that weekend and they hadn't arranged anything and could I please nip and get a card and cake.

The norm is that everyone gets a card/present/cake from the company on their birthday, plus when they leave. Not many people have gone off on maternity since I've been there (10 years!) but I've definitely signed cards and put money in for new baby gifts. I don't make a big deal of my own birthdays, so they are often forgotten about by the team (which I am fine with!) but this feels different - especially since I changed the start of my leave in order to make sure someone was fully trained to take over my role for mat cover.

Is it wrong to be upset by the lack of even a card? I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it just left me feeling so down and like I don't matter.

I get on well with everyone (at least I think I do), and have consistently high performance reviews etc.

I don't want to sound entitled to things, but I just thought I'd at least get a card signed by the others.

I know lots of people are going to say there's so much more important things to think about/if this is all that's wrong then grow up etc. but please bear in mind that I'm just a bit over emotional right now and thought maybe asking for advice would help get it off my chest.

OP posts:

5Pioneers · 20/06/2023 12:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TeaKitten · 20/06/2023 12:59

I’d be upset too too be honest. Is it possible that they are planning to send a card/present after baby is born? My company do this, and personally I’d never send cards or presents before the birth (due to my own life experience though, not because this is the norm). So maybe there’s time yet?

ItsCalledAConversation · 20/06/2023 13:01

Yes totally reasonable to feel stung by this, it’s thoughtless.

At least you now don’t need to worry about doing any more than the bare minimum for them, and returning when it suits you - you don’t owe them any debt of gratitude.

HarrietStyles · 20/06/2023 13:03

Most companies would send a gift/card once the baby is born. Not when you go on maternity leave.

redskytwonight · 20/06/2023 13:04

don't you normally get a card/gift when baby is born?

luckylavender · 20/06/2023 13:04

I would never give a baby gift before the baby was born.

dartsofcupid · 20/06/2023 13:05

I’d be thinking they’re maybe waiting til your baby arrives? I don’t know if I’d give something to a colleague when they were going off, I didn’t know ‘have a good maternity leave’ cards were a thing.

I’d certainly send you a gift when the baby arrived and I bet they will do.

Throwncrumbs · 20/06/2023 13:07

You will prob get something when the baby is born, don’t fret over it. I worked somewhere for 14 years and didn’t even get a card let alone a present, a girl left a week later and she got nothing either. Just proved that the company I worked for were shite, they didn’t treat any staff well to be honest!

JenniferBarkley · 20/06/2023 13:08

HarrietStyles · 20/06/2023 13:03

Most companies would send a gift/card once the baby is born. Not when you go on maternity leave.

Yes this is the norm everywhere I've worked too.

Brefugee · 20/06/2023 13:16

hormonalandunsure · 20/06/2023 12:56

Finished work on Friday to start maternity leave and have been going over this since then, back and forth whether it's just hormones or what.

Everyone was pleasant and wished me well. I received a small gift from 2 of my coworkers. But nothing from the whole team.

On my last day, my manager even flustered that someone had a birthday that weekend and they hadn't arranged anything and could I please nip and get a card and cake.

Is it wrong to be upset by the lack of even a card? I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it just left me feeling so down and like I don't matter.

I get on well with everyone (at least I think I do), and have consistently high performance reviews etc.

I don't want to sound entitled to things, but I just thought I'd at least get a card signed by the others.

Congrats on your impending baby.

I'm an ancient old crone and have worked for decades. Cards and gifts in your circus have always been after the birth.

darkmodeon · 20/06/2023 13:18

HarrietStyles · 20/06/2023 13:03

Most companies would send a gift/card once the baby is born. Not when you go on maternity leave.

This

itshotontheplayground · 20/06/2023 13:19

I can think of many baby presents/ flowers/ cards when colleagues had babies, I don't think anyone has ever done anything to mark the beginning of maternity leave?

Mywayward · 20/06/2023 13:21

No it's not at all usual to give anything before the baby arrives, you'll get a card and presents after the birth.

Riverlee · 20/06/2023 13:21

I understand where you are coming from. Hopefully someone will get you something when the baby is born.

At my last work place, Some people get nice bouquets of flowers on their big birthday, mine was hardly mentioned.

Sensibletrousers · 20/06/2023 13:23

Come back to this thread in 2 months time when your life has been turned upside down by a newborn to give yourself a little chuckle that you ever gave this even a moment’s thought. You’ll have not thought about work or your colleagues whatsoever.

Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy and beyond 💐

darkmodeon · 20/06/2023 13:23

It's considered really bad luck by many to give a gift before baby is safely here

Gizlotsmum · 20/06/2023 13:23

I think you need to wait and see if they get anything once baby is born. I have had presents for going on maternity leave and have also gifted only once baby has arrived.

Boomboxinmyattic · 20/06/2023 13:27

They should have made a bit of a fuss of you! I'd have been sad and disappointed too. Card, present, flowers. Hopefully they're organising something for when baby arrives! Good luck with your birth and new baby ❤💐

cocksstrideintheevening · 20/06/2023 13:28

Never sent a card to someone going on maternity leave, card and gift after baby arrives is totally normal.

ZenNudist · 20/06/2023 13:31

Another one who thinks flowers and maybe a card once baby is born, certainly not before.

Spirallingdownwards · 20/06/2023 13:32

You are not leaving though you are on maternity leave. I would expect that they will send flowers or gift and a card when the baby is born. That's what has happened wherever I have worked

itshotontheplayground · 20/06/2023 13:34

Boomboxinmyattic · 20/06/2023 13:27

It's colleagues from work, not the group of friends you invited for your hen night

LBFseBrom · 20/06/2023 13:35

I think you'll receive a card and gift when you have the baby.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 20/06/2023 13:38

Are there actual cards available to say you're going on maternity leave? I take it you're returning after maternity leave so a 'sorry you're leaving' or 'good luck in your new job' isn't appropriate? And I've never bought anyone a gift before baby was born. What was it you were expecting OP? What kind of card or gift.
When you've signed cards and contributed to gifts for colleagues, was this before they left on maternity leave? What did the card say? Are you sure you're not thinking you did these things once baby was born?
It's lovely that your closer colleagues acknowledged the start of your maternity leave but, in my experience, its not the norm. I'm sure you'll receive a lovely card and/or gift once you've given birth - and you'll probably won't remember it at all because you'll be so excited and exhausted by the new arrival!

Fizzadora · 20/06/2023 13:40

I would be feeling a bit dejected too@hormonalandunsure as it was always a bit of a big thing where I worked, especially for first maternity leaves. Subsequent ones were usually just a card and gifts only from those you worked closely with.
Office wide collection, nice presents, a big "You're having a baby" card signed by everyone and a public presentation of card and gifts with a thank you and good luck from the most senior boss in that day.
We had long mat leaves and quite often career breaks afterwards though so it was often like you were leaving permanently; perhaps these days with most mums going back to work relatively quickly, maybe it's seen as a bit more like an extended holiday for the rest of the staff. (Don't railroad me for that if you don't agree with it, just trying to think of reasons why none of OP's colleagues have bothered the make a bit of a fuss).
Anyway OP it's done now and nothing you can do about it so just forget about it all for now and move on to the next exciting part of your life 😉

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