...To be upset by this

[hormonalandunsure]

Finished work on Friday to start maternity leave and have been going over this since then, back and forth whether it's just hormones or what.

Everyone was pleasant and wished me well. I received a small gift from 2 of my coworkers. But nothing from the whole team.

On my last day, my manager even flustered that someone had a birthday that weekend and they hadn't arranged anything and could I please nip and get a card and cake.

The norm is that everyone gets a card/present/cake from the company on their birthday, plus when they leave. Not many people have gone off on maternity since I've been there (10 years!) but I've definitely signed cards and put money in for new baby gifts. I don't make a big deal of my own birthdays, so they are often forgotten about by the team (which I am fine with!) but this feels different - especially since I changed the start of my leave in order to make sure someone was fully trained to take over my role for mat cover.

Is it wrong to be upset by the lack of even a card? I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it just left me feeling so down and like I don't matter.

I get on well with everyone (at least I think I do), and have consistently high performance reviews etc.

I don't want to sound entitled to things, but I just thought I'd at least get a card signed by the others.

I know lots of people are going to say there's so much more important things to think about/if this is all that's wrong then grow up etc. but please bear in mind that I'm just a bit over emotional right now and thought maybe asking for advice would help get it off my chest.

. Can't remember if we've done baby presents before they go on mat leave but we certainly make a bit of a fuss on their last day. Flowers, card, cake, banners

I don't think I have ever been asked to give money for a collection for someone going on maternity leave..I have also never seen cakes and benners for someone who is leaving to have a baby either. I mean why? Do you expect more presents when the baby is born?

We've always done a collection and card for mat leave rather than a gift after the birth here. Are you usually the one who organizes collections? Think it's most likely it fell through the net and people didn't think to sort it rather than actively not wanting to mark it.

My office always does cards and gifts before maternity leave begins. I’d feel awful if someone was forgotten/ left out.

Yes, I know that. In my workplace we always make a fuss of colleagues going on mat leave. I also didn't have a hen night as I despise the concept 😊.

When I went on mayer ity leave I git nothing when I left but when the baby arrived I got a card signed by everyone and gifts from the team. This is normal.

In my work, it was always really unusual to arrange flower/gifts/cards after mum had gone on leave and baby was born. People would do that on their own, but teams of colleagues? No, that was always done before.

Honestly I was really embarrassed when it was done for me, but I would have been upset if it had been ignored while others were not. YANBU.

As others have said, we send card/present once baby is born.

I honestly would presume that they would all club together when you have your baby and send flowers or a gift. Try to delay your upset incase that's the plan!

On the few occasions other women have gone on maternity leave, are you sure they’ve done the card/present thing? Could it be that what you remember signing for other women having a baby was only given when the baby was born. I hope so. If not, then it’s horrible that they’ve done it for others but not you.

Everywhere I’ve worked makes a fuss of anyone leaving for maternity leave, they’ve done speeches, cards, flowers etc and then they sent a card and gift for baby when they’ve arrived as well.

I'd be upset by this too, it's the lack of acknowledgement. Especially when birthdays are celebrated.

When I went in mat leave no one even spoke to me the last day I was in, I literally sat there ignored and then left without anyone even saying goodbye. Nothing from the team when baby was born either, it was a tough birth and SCBU stay for the baby and not even a text to ask how we were in the whole 10 months I was off. They all knew because I worked with a friend and she had updated the team on the birth/baby's illness and recovery.

I went back for the absolute minimum and quit.

Agreed, this is the standard - just in case of a worst case scenario.

The office roles I've had over the last 10 years, (4 different companies) we have always done gifts/cards etc to send someone off on mat leave. The company may also have sent a gift when the baby was born, but if they have, then that's not been publicised, and I only got gifts when I started mat leave, not when the baby came.

I think what matters is what company culture is like, do they normally make a fuss for people going on mat leave or not. If they do and they haven't for you, then yanbu.