Couples & Night Out

[NCAIBUANON]

Posting on behalf of sibling - Try to keep it brief
Couple A going on holiday, special occasion invited Couple B different accommodation, same destination - all booked months ago.
Couple C always go to same destination will be there also, they always go at this time, plans to celebrate together.
Couple A introduced Couples B & C to each other for the first time, half of Couple D present (this person knows everyone, however their partner has not met Couple C) - within 48 hrs Couple B has organised a night out with couples C&D
Couple A then receive an invite saying night out organised for X date, however they can't go - work related.
Response - Well we have already juggled dates, so going ahead without Couple A.
Couple A are upset, feel excluded as not even considered until after plans made & only just introduced others.
Couple A are also concerned about holiday as Couple D (who are very volatile) have been looking at prices - Couple A has not discussed/invited Couple D
So are Couple A being unreasonable ? Anyone can organise anything & go to a holiday destination at any time
Or Couples B&D for organising night out & looking to book on holiday

I didn't mean discuss as in back and forth i meant
This is what we're doing if you'd like to join us

I find that really interesting, maybe because I have always had family & friends who work shifts I would always check with them for possible dates as they are the ones who are restricted. The same as I would check with those who might need to get a sitter.
Different way of looking at things I guess

It would depend on the occasion obviously. If its a big get together where you really want to make sure all parties are available then in that scenario there is no avoiding checking everyone's availability first before agreeing a date. If however it's more of an informal/ impromptu plan and not essential that everyone attends which is what this 'night out' sounds like then I don't think there is anything wrong with a couple of people making a plan and then inviting the wider group to join if they happen to be available.

Do couple A expect no one in there friendship circle to ever socialise unless they are free?

*their

So you’re not going? Your siblings not going? Why are you posting?

Woah so after all this, you and your sibling aren't even part of any of the couples that are going and have no involvement in it at all!?

A holiday of two couples where you can be fairly sure you'll get on well is different to a group twice the size with one fighty couple.

My friends go on group holidays a lot with different permutations of people joining. We wouldn't assume to invite outselves if someone else had already organised and I wouldn't expect it I'm the organiser that someone else just prices it up and joins in without at least checking "is it a special occasion / would it be ok for us to join in, it sounds great"

Strictly speaking its a public place but it is quite rude. I did once invite a friend along on a trip away, she accepted then I saw posts on social media inviting loads of other people who I knew wouldn't gell with the original group at all. I messaged her and said that's cool but could she let me know if I wanted to include her in our accommodation or would she be sharing with them. I didn't want to have to change the arrangements entirely to accommodate a much larger group.

I can't get my head around how the night out got organised without any input with Couple A. Are the others in frequent touch now?

Regardless there is nothing Couple A can do about any of it now. The dynamic of the holiday has changed but that doesn't mean it won't still be good. If everyone is in their own accommodation then it shouldn't matter that much. As for fighty couple D, don't get dragged into their drama.

@Nanna50 & @Mylandra
I made it clear in the first post it was not me. My sibling & I were consulted by Couple A as we know everyone. This was because they felt the dynamic of their special occasion was being altered & they had concerns about the couple that argue. Then when the night out was organised & they were invited after the fact - when they said they couldn't do that date, they were told well we have already juggled to fit everyone else so we are sticking with this date.
,@StopFeckingFaffing they definitely do not try to stop others of their social circle going out but that is the point the women from B &C only met a week ago for the first time & the women from C&D have never met.

@Nodinnernogift it would appear so, that is why couple A are upset, within a week

I've lost the will to live ffs

I feel for couple A. It seems really mean that the night Out was organised without checking they could make that date. Feels like they are being 'wendied' from their own friendship group.

Couple D are rude inviting themselves along to someone else's celebration - I know people can book themselves to go anywhere, but doesn't make it not rude.

@NCAIBUANON I know you made it clear and you also said your sibling wasn’t going so I asked why were you posting?

I thought I had misread but it looks like your sibling has been asked an opinion about something that doesn’t affect either them or you? Why are you so invested?

@Nanna50 well I know them all as does my sibling & we were approached by Couple A. They wanted help with how to respond to the situation so I posted to get opinions.
We were really surprised when Couple A got accused of being controlling & the holiday police as we felt that actually they were being treated badly & that couple D were rude to invite themselves to the special occasion as @Gothambutnotahamster said.
So I suppose I kept coming back to answer as I was very surprised at the responses but isn't that part of what AIBU is for? To guage others opinions

This is like one of those math problems where you have 15 melons and couple A eats 16 and you have to divide the rest between couple b and c.

If I'm following, couple A feel put out that their friends got along well with eachother and made plans to go out and didnt cancel when couple A, who feel like the pivotal party of the group because they know everyone, didnt cancel to accommodate them?

They are being unreasonable. Rarely can everyone make everything and it's not fair to say noone can go out without them. They can go next time.

@GalileoHumpkins love the analogy 😂

I'm surprised by the responses too @NCAIBUANON - as to me, it's so clear. Hurtful to couple A to go out without them & couple D are rude!

If I were couple A, I'd speak separately to couples B & C about how they feel about being left out.

Not sure what I'd do about couple D - ideally say nothing and ride it out (hoping there's no drama), but if that's not possible then they need to also be frank with D & tell them they're not welcome on the trip if there's going to be any aggro.

Only to find that couple D have stolen then 🤭

them

If I've got this right (which I may not have as it's a bit of a riddle)

Couple A invited couple B on holiday, and as a result arranged a get together to introduce them to couple C, who were going to be there at the time.

Couple B invited couple D on holiday, and as a result arranged a get together to introduce them to Couple C who they recently met, who couple D don't know. Couple A were also invited to this meeting, but couldn't go because of a prior work event.

Surely the point of the meetings is for those who don't already know each other to meet prior to the holiday. It sounds as though Couple A already know Couples B, C and D, and so therefore it wasn't really important for Couple A to attend, but they were invited anyway, should they wish to attend.

I don't really see what the problem is tbh. The purpose of the meeting was to introduce couple C to couple D. There's no need for couple A to be involved in that, so of course their availability was less important than that of couple C and couple D.

@Gothambutnotahamster I agree with you so surprised - I think couple A are being treated really badly & they need to speak to couple B even if it's just say they are upset at the situation (knowing the people Couple C will have just accepted an invitation to a night out). I don't think it helped that the dates had obviously been changed to accommodate someone else but in less than a minute couple A were told we're not looking at other dates so tough.
Couple A will just have to wait & see how the holiday pans out as while rude to invite yourself to a celebration they have no control over where/when others choose to go on holiday

Interesting how people's perspectives differ

But why did Couple A have to be involved in the introductions of Couple C to Couple D?

Yes, it would have been nice if they could come along too, hence why they were invited, but it wasn't imperative that they were there, as Couple B could make the introductions.

It does come across as though Couple A think they have some kind of superiority and everyone should arrange everything around them. They are just one of four couples, and no more important than any of the other couples, indeed in this circumstance less important as they were neither needing to be introduced to anyone, nor the person arranging the introductions.

I don't know, but it all sounds like my idea of hell.

Hold on, didn't couple A invite themselves onto Couple C's holiday seen as they chose to celebrate their special occasion in the exact same place and exact same time as couple c go every year and then invited couple b along too? Why is that OK but not for them to invite couple d?
Honestly, it all sounds do pathetically childish and unnecessary. It was painful reading it, trying to understand it and then even more painful to find out that OP wasn't even part of any of the couples anyway

I really urge you to discourage couple A from 'talking to' the other couples. It will ruin the whole vibe of the holiday / night out.

Yes it's unfortunate that plans were made without them but couple c and b obviously want couple d there and couple d shouldn't be made feel unwelcome.

I know couple A are disappointed but that doesn't mean they are right. I would be so hurt if I, as a member of couple d was told that I should have waited for an invitation from everyone.

A pp made a good point that couple c holiday there regularly so they are just as entitled to invite others along.

Couple C didn't invite anyone, no idea where that has come from.... They are just there on overlapping dates.....
Couple A booked to go away alone to celebrate themselves