To be annoyed that partner has told his work colleagues that I am having counselling?

[SmartyPlants]

Been with OH for 5 years.

I've got a complicated family history and have been in and out of counselling throughout my adult life. Most recently been seeing my counsellor for about 6 months.

I have found out that OH has told his work colleagues that I have been going to counselling, because when I saw one of them earlier they asked how my session had gone!

AIBU to think he's overstepping the mark? He's all for advocating about good mental health and everything and I can see how it could have come up in conversation about being a good thing to do, but still. Or maybe it's her overstepping the mark asking how it went??! Either way, I'm a bit annoyed!

I would hate this but then I’m quite private and my husband works with a load of numpties.

I don’t blame you for being annoyed.

Holy fuck I'd lose it at him! Your medical information is private and to be shared only by you as and when you wish.

Why did he do it?

That would seriously annoy me. I keep anything like that very private. It’s not his information to share.

Also thoughtless of the colleague to be asking about your sessions!

I obviously don't know the details of your sessions but maybe it has a slight knock on affect on him? He may have mentioned it to explain his own behaviour to the people he works with/spends a lot of time with. Or he may have just mentioned it lightly, nothing to be ashamed of etc. It was insensitive for the colleague to mention it directly to you. Sounds like a nosey parker and to be avoided.

IMO it was wrong of him to mention your counselling to other people without your knowledge or agreement, and completely inappropriate of his colleague to ask you how the session had gone!!

Counselling is private information, it is yours and yours alone to share if you choose. No one should tell other people about it, and no one has the right to sail in and ask about it.

Wow it's completely inappropriate to tell them! I understand oversharing about yourself, but not your partner. That is 100% private information.

Thanks all, wanted to check it wasn’t me overreacting. I still feel upset about it now but there wasn’t opportunity to bring it up last night. I’ll try and broach it tonight.

Was it a man or woman collegue he has told this to?

Either way its bad and its private! But I think i'd be way more pissed off if hes telling his female colleagues my problems. AND they are 'bringing it up' with me which is just pretty odd (or they are a bit dim).

Just feels a bit too line crossy to me, talking about my private stuff with another woman. Telling a male collegue is bad enough, but that feels somehow less personal, like men wouldn't give 2 hoots and likely forget it - or perhaps they wanted advice, but that may just be me.

Annoyed? I'd be absolutely furious. How dare he?

Anything that involves counselling is by its nature, intimate and personal. Absolutely no-one other than the person having the counseling has the right to tell anyone else.

He can advocate good mental health all he likes, but he doesn't get to share anyone's mental health actions other than his own.

And wtf this person was doing thinking she had a right to ask you about it, I don't know.

What else is he sharing? The details of what's led you there? How your mental ill health manifests itself?
I'd be incandescent with fury, frankly. Again, how dare he?

It's a breach of your privacy and I'd wonder what else he's discussed without your consent.

Hmm, I wouldn't be too bothered about people knowing, there's no shame in it and in fact I would say you should be proud that you are seeking help to work through life's challenges.

Her asking how it went though is a fucking overstep. What was she expecting you to say? You were hardly going to explain the session with her. Either she is a bit of an idiot who doesn't think before she speaks and was trying to be chatty etc or she is a malevolent bitch who was trying to put you down by showing she knows you are having counselling.

She obviously wanted you to know that he had told her. I wonder if she's trying to stir things a bit there.

Yes it’s a female colleague. Maybe that’s why it irks me more. It feels there must be a certain level of closeness for that to be discussed.

He shouldn't be sharing your personal medical details with anyone.

Ask him how he would like it if you were to tell people he needed to take viagra.

Good point. Ask him, if he ever has to take viagra, he'd be ok with you discussing this private information with Sven from marketing?

Might sink your point in.

YANBU to be cross with him if you want to keep this private.

However, I think that it's a pity you feel that way. On a wider societal level it would be great if we could all be more inclined to see counselling as a positive healthy choice rather than something to be embarrassed about.

I’m not embarrassed that I’m having counselling. But I think I have a right to share that information with whomever I want rather than it being shared without my consent or knowledge to people who then think it’s ok to ask me about how a session went!

It's not about shame or embarrassment. It's about privacy.

There are any number of things that we do that are perfectly normal and healthy, but we get to choose who we share that information with. It's not down to anyone else to share specifically personal stuff about someone else.

And of course we don't live in a perfect world where everyone is reasonable and thoughtful. At my place of work, unfortunately there were several people who, if fed with this information, would instantly be curious and gossip about it, and within a day they'd have filled the gaps with pure fantasy about why Sara needs counseling (and more) and spread those little extras around as fact.

So no, you don't get to tell anyone about your spouse/friend/colleague/family member's counselling, because it's no-one else's business and can lead to speculation and gossip. The only person who gets to make the call to share is the lesson her/himself. And they get to decide who they trust with the information.

I would be over the top livid if my DH breached my privacy like that. To have his own woke colleague mention it is another problem. Why would she do that? What kind of relationship does she have with your partner? If your DP doesn't fully apologize and agree to no more discussions of your private business then I don't know if you can ever trust him again.

Lesson= person

It’s a betrayal of trust.

Tbh it would entirely depend on how it came about as to whether I was angry or just annoyed.

If he'd gone in and announced it or brought it up apropros of nothing in conversation then I'd be angry as it wasn't his business to tell but if it was something like, in conversation with a colleague they said something like "Sorry I'm late, I've just had my first session at <Counselling Office> in town, I didn't realise how long it would take to get out of the car park after my session, it was just so busy!" and he's said something like "Oh yes, my wife sees someone there too, she always says it's a nightmare with parking" then I'd still be annoyed as he was sharing my info but it was done unintentionally as part of a passing comment and he probably didn't think the colleague would then go on to bring it up with you in the future.

Yes I can understand how it might come up on conversation like that. However less likely that the exact timing of my session and the first name of my therapist need be shared.

Absolutely disagree. I personally would feel embarrassed. I can see what you are saying but I don't think you would feel the same if it was you being discussed.

OP could be having counselling for something very traumatic such as sexually abuse she has every right to keep whatever it is to herself.

The collegue defo needs to mind her own business she clearly went out of her way to let you know she knew OP. Hats off to you because I would of bitten my partners ear off by now!