To be annoyed that partner has told his work colleagues that I am having counselling?

[SmartyPlants]

Been with OH for 5 years.

I've got a complicated family history and have been in and out of counselling throughout my adult life. Most recently been seeing my counsellor for about 6 months.

I have found out that OH has told his work colleagues that I have been going to counselling, because when I saw one of them earlier they asked how my session had gone!

AIBU to think he's overstepping the mark? He's all for advocating about good mental health and everything and I can see how it could have come up in conversation about being a good thing to do, but still. Or maybe it's her overstepping the mark asking how it went??! Either way, I'm a bit annoyed!

I would be livid. My husband wouldn't dream of sharing private information like that. I'm a very private person and he respects that.

I would be livid with him. How dare he spread your private information around to signal his views on mental health. That is your private information and very personal. Nothing to be ashamed of obviously, but not his to discuss. I would be having very strong words and not allowing him to deflect this onto me being angry or anything. He should have kept your confidence.

This colleague clearly wanted you to know that your husband shares intimate details of life with her.

She also probably wanted to unsettle you.

just think on that.

She did not ask you this question unintentionally OP.

I think it’s weird you assume people don’t want to talk about their private business because they’re embarrassed.

Some of us just don’t think it is worth talking about it when frankly it is no one’s business unless we choose to disclose it. No one should feel inclined to share something they don’t want to or judged because they don’t and no one is entitled to know someone’s personal business if they choose not to share it.

If OP wanted his work colleague to know this, she would have told her herself. It is not on her partner to disclose such information.

YANBU - and unless you are also close to his colleague, I think it's even more weird that she felt comfortable asking you about this.

It seems like this woman wanted you to know she has had an intimate conversation about you with your partner. This was no accident she has done it intentionally to unsettle you but also potentially say to your partner "oh I can't believe she got upset about it I was just trying to be kind and supportive"

Your partner needs to keep your personal information out of his work place unless you had a prior agreement that he could share things.

Whether this is about the OP's physical or mental health is irrelevant. I'd say just the same if the OP had ingrowing toenails.

It is the OP's private matter, and is not his information to share.

Have a stock response to her for next time she acts "concerned" well my therapist tells me some men are just like that and I need to decide if I can live with it or not personally I think its awful but you know 🤷‍♀️ or I'm learning I can't control his addictions it was a shock when I first found out I'm so grateful he can still function at work

See how he likes to be gossiped about

(I mean I probably wouldn't do this but I would definitely insinuate to dp that I would)

What exactly did your partner say to colleagues? If it were in the ins and outs of your counselling sessions and your life- wrong.

If it was 'Sorry, I need to leave now to take smarty pants to a counselling session/need to mind the kids due to counselling etc etc ' than that is different.

You wouldn't hide you need help for a broken leg, chronic illness etc- so why not mental health? Its about whether the private, finer details were mentioned or not?

Yes, that does seem astoundingly insensitive of the colleague in question! I think whatever about my DH telling someone he was close to that I was having counselling (which I wouldn't have an issue with, personally, in itself), I would think very poorly of his taste in confidantes if that person started asking me personal questions about a session! That makes this woman sound dangerously stupid...

A woman actually broached OP and asked her how her counselling session went ( read the room).

Perhaps OP felt taken back.

I think the colleague overstepped the mark by asking but equally may have taken it from your husband that it's something you don't mind people knowing. I would want to know exactly how it came up in conversation. If for example that colleague was struggling with something and he said oh my wife sees x and finds it really helpful and supportive why don't you consider it. Then I would be OK with that but not as general chit chat. I've had counselling and I do tell people because I think it helps break down the stigma around it but that's my choice and you deserve to have the choice in how/ when/if your experience is shared.

Yes- I did read the post! Did this women know the reasons for the sessions and the details, or just the fact the OP was having counselling though? That was my question.

Yeah, its oversharing and no one should be asking you about your counsilling.

Its deeply personal.

Revealing too much to strangers can make you twice as vulnerable to being triggerred.

If any of his colleagues ask you again, just give a one word answer. They may be trying to either get you to divulge, or are just making conversation.....or prehaps a bit of both.

Have some kind words with him about it because if he's the compassionate type then his intentions would have been to do you no harm.