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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photo of ex?

37 replies

mybluemerc · 19/06/2023 19:55

AIBU to be upset that my partner of 6 years (LT for 3) has put a family photograph of himself his ex and their kids up in his office? For clarity its a photo from the 90s. Kids are all grown up with kids of their own now.
I think its weird and really disrespectful to me?
AIBU?

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 19/06/2023 20:06

It is a bit odd, have you asked him why and told him how you feel? It maybe just reminds him of a happy time or he just likes the photo , but I wouldn't be too pleased about it either.

GwinCoch · 19/06/2023 20:18

Not disrespectful to you, it much just be a photo of his kids in the younger days that he loves and is reminiscent of when they were smaller. Not sure why it matters if his ex is in the photo, it is a point in time and you won’t ever erase their mother. Talk to him.

GwinCoch · 19/06/2023 20:19

*could not much, walking and texting!

SunLover1985 · 19/06/2023 20:23

Sorry, I disagree. I don’t see this as disrespectful or anything to be concerned about. It’s an old photo that I assume he likes and brings back fond memories.

Not the same, but we have a landscape painting by DH’s ex on the dining room wall, done during one of their holidays - I think it’s somewhere special to them both but I’ve never asked. She’s actually pretty talented and it’s a nice picture.

ThursdayFreedom · 19/06/2023 20:28

YABU.

is there particularly bad blood between you?

he's put it in his office, not in your lounge/bedroom.

He had a life before you & ONE photo of their family when his children were young isn't overkill. Maybe he doesn't have one he likes as much with his kids. You could always ask him why that photo & doesn't he have one with just the children and not his ex??

caringcarer · 19/06/2023 20:33

It would make me feel sad. Does he have a photo of you there too.

nailsonthebus · 19/06/2023 20:33

Its not disrespectful but its a bit weird

CurlewKate · 19/06/2023 20:34

Does he have a picture of him and his kids without her?

HawdMeBack · 19/06/2023 20:34

I wouldn't like it either OP.

Goballistic · 19/06/2023 20:35

Of course you're not being unreasonable I'm sure he has lots of pics of when they were young without the ex in. That said he's probably not really thought it through. Point out to him it's inappropriate see what he says

CurlewKate · 19/06/2023 21:24

"Point out to him it's inappropriate see what he says" Put like that, he doesn't have a lot of options, does he!!

Mumof4plusbonus · 19/06/2023 21:28

I wouldn’t like it

AuntMarch · 19/06/2023 21:29

I don't know why anyone would think there are bound to be lots of other photo options. I can only think of one photo I've seen of me, sibling and dad from the 90s and it isn't one I'd say is frame worthy! And actually I can't think of many frame worthy ones full stop. People didn't just take photos constantly day to day to have plenty to pick from.

You've been together six years, why don't you feel secure enough to see that it's just a photo he likes of his kids, that she happens to be in because she is their mother? Having the photo or not makes no difference, she still existed.

Goballistic · 19/06/2023 21:31

@AuntMarch I have photos of me and my brother from the 80s and even projector slides people did take pics then, either way sensitivity can still be used

EllaRaines · 19/06/2023 21:36

What would you like him to do? Put a sticker of a smiley over her face in the photo?

He wants a photo of his children and cropping her out or defacing her would be petty and weird.

discardedBox · 19/06/2023 21:46

YANBU it's disrespectful and weird. Surely he has a photo just of his kids he could have up.

ConfusionIsNothingNew · 19/06/2023 21:51

Is it a desk size photo or a wall size one?

When my now DH was moving out of his flat and into our first home, he had a huge, 90's framed photo of his ex partner and their DD which he had kept (I wasn't the OW!). He didn't want to put it up in our house thankfully, but his DD didn't want it either and it was going to get thrown out until my MiL said she would hold onto it incase DSD changed her mind down the line, which I thought was nice actually.

I wouldn't actually mind if I had a good relationship with DHs ex, but she's made life really difficult for us over the years so i don't really want her staring down at me in my own home!

Buyyouflowers · 19/06/2023 21:53

It wouldn’t happen in this family. Not a chance.

Momo18 · 19/06/2023 22:08

Its not the norm. How close is he still to his ex?

sunlovingcriminal · 19/06/2023 22:11

It's weird, and I wouldn't be comfortable with it. My partner doesn't have any photos of his ex wife on display in our house and nor do I!

Lifescary · 19/06/2023 22:50

Are you not bing disrespectful to your partner in that you want him to erase his history? She birthed his children. She is a major part of his life He owes her a lot.

Newbeginnings90 · 19/06/2023 23:14

I wouldn't like it, and I also wouldn't do it.

JupiterFortified · 19/06/2023 23:23

The only situation in which it wouldn’t be weird is if she had passed away when they were still together.

If she’s alive and kicking and they split up then it’s just bizarre.

This thread will never go your way though OP - you’re the second wife and step mother. Mumsnet doesn’t like second wives or stepmothers (I can only assume it’s full of first wives and biological mothers lol)

Equalitea · 20/06/2023 07:15

I have a photo of my ex holding our son the day he was born, I’ve been remarried a couple of decades. 🤷‍♀️
I think perhaps if there was bad blood it may bother DH but there’s not 🤷‍♀️

Equalitea · 20/06/2023 07:17

Does he also have a photo of you in his office? If his only photo included her then I’d find that a bit peculiar!