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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clique at gym classes

62 replies

Ykn · 19/06/2023 16:49

Not really an AIBU but posting for traffic.

The clique at the exercise classes at my gym are really spoiling it for me. They are a group of around 4 or 5 women who all know each other and the instructor who takes one of the classes, they save each other spaces at the class, stand in the same area of the studio each class, exclude others from their chats, glare and ignore newcomers, and even regulars who aren't in the clique.

One of them even looked at me like she was going to kill me when I arrived at a class last week.

I'm going to start looking for classes at different times, or a new gym.

How do you/would you handle such a clique in your exercise classes?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ykn · 19/06/2023 19:15

electriclight · 19/06/2023 18:47

MN often refers to cliques but surely it is just a group of friends.

I don't think establishing a friendship group and gravitating towards those friends is a bad thing.

Weird to glare at people of course but can't help wondering whether you're imagining that. If a friendship group is a nefarious clique, maybe a glare is just someone looking over at you.

I didn't imagine the glare - as soon as I walked in she gave me a death stare, it was quite intimidating. They also do it to others who aren't in the clique, especially if that person is new and/or doesn't know what equipment is needed.

OP posts:
Silvergreenblue · 19/06/2023 21:31

Give them the death stare back then.

ShandaLear · 19/06/2023 21:38

You’re not there to make friends. You’re there to work out. Show up, do your job, and leave. These people are nothing to you. Just keep showing up. Things will change over time.

Aqua22a · 28/06/2023 23:22

This sounds a lot like my gym where the same clique of around 6 women are there almost every weekday for the morning class, be it HIIT, Pilates, Spin or Strength....it's almost like they own the place.

waterlego · 28/06/2023 23:36

Urgh. I really dislike gym class cliques. They definitely exist and are usually much worse when the instructor is involved in the clique themselves. They can really dominate the space and make newcomers feel unwelcome. I used to just show up, do the class and then bugger off. I’d pass the time of day if people spoke to me or smiled at me but otherwise just minded my own business.

I’m an instructor now, and I don’t seem to get cliques in my classes. Sure, there are regulars who chat to each other but most often chatting in pairs or threes- and not always chatting to the same people every week. And they don’t actively exclude others and in fact most of them make efforts to be really helpful and friendly to newcomers. I make it my mission to learn people’s names and to chat to different people at each class. I always talk to newbies before the class and always try to catch up with them afterwards to see how they got on. Some of my participants keep themselves to themselves and make it fairly clear they’re not really there for the social side and that’s fine, I’ll greet them and smile at them but otherwise leave them alone. If I saw a clique developing in one of my classes, I’d make an extra effort to chat to others, especially those who have come to class on their own.

FanFanBam · 28/06/2023 23:40

Fuck ‘em. You’re there for the class, as long as you’re getting something out of it. Go, do your class, go home.

loopyloutoo · 28/06/2023 23:46

Sounds like my place and tbh, every gym I've been to. There's always a group of overly keen and overly familiar teachers pet types - always!
I keep myself to myself and get on with it. I don't care. That's their social life it seems so let them crack on. Annoying when the instructor takes part though.

Original poster
Ykn · 23/10/2023 15:59

At a class I went to this morning one of the clique regulars told a new person to the class that she couldn't have that space as she was saving it for her friend. The other clique regulars just stood and glared at the new person who became quite flustered and left the class before it started.

Just like being back in the playground.

I think most exercise classes have cliques.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 23/10/2023 16:05

In what way(s) does it impact your ability to do the class?

I agree it doesn't sound fun. Do you know the gym manager? Might you be able to have a little chat - I would mention the scenario you observed with the new member. That won't be a good look business-wise from the management point of view.

FarEast · 23/10/2023 16:43

Just ignore them. They're friends - why take it so personally. If a woman "glares" at you, just smile and say "Hello." You might be surprised.

babetyouknow · 23/10/2023 16:45

Oh please. They aren't a clique, they're just a group of friends. Grow up.

Maybe you're getting a glare because they can smell the playground attitude off you.

MrsPinkSky · 23/10/2023 16:49

Ykn · 23/10/2023 15:59

At a class I went to this morning one of the clique regulars told a new person to the class that she couldn't have that space as she was saving it for her friend. The other clique regulars just stood and glared at the new person who became quite flustered and left the class before it started.

Just like being back in the playground.

I think most exercise classes have cliques.

And 4 months later you're still going on about it?

They don't sound like a great crowd but life is full of people like that.

You're going to wear yourself out if you don't learn to forget about them.

Vermin · 23/10/2023 16:53

I know exactly what you mean and the class I loved intimidated me when I started because of the cliquey chit chat. Ten years later and I realise it’s simply conversation between people who see each other a couple of times a week and are Nic etc each other (& now also to me). They were incredibly supportive of one lady who had had a new hip and was on her own over covid. I totally mistook the friendliness of regulars for exclusionary / cliquey behaviour. Be friendly to them - who knows, they might just be nice back

bathrobeandpie · 23/10/2023 16:54

I don't know, I'll just ignore the "saving space" if you already stand up there.

but them or us, not everyone is going to the gym to talk with strangers.

Why should they be forced to speak with newcomers or other people any more than a person on their own should?

Everyone should politely smile and nod at others, but that should be the end of any interraction.

YoungOnTheInside · 23/10/2023 17:07

@babetyouknow
*Oh please. They aren't a clique, they're just a group of friends. Grow up.

Maybe you're getting a glare because they can smell the playground attitude off you.*

Do you feel better now that you attempted to make someone who’s looking for a bit of empathy feel like sh*t? How sad if you do.

Sigmama · 23/10/2023 17:14

I've been to loads of exercise classes over the years and have rarely if ever noticed cliques, maybe they exist but I don't notice

babetyouknow · 23/10/2023 18:09

YoungOnTheInside · 23/10/2023 17:07

@babetyouknow
*Oh please. They aren't a clique, they're just a group of friends. Grow up.

Maybe you're getting a glare because they can smell the playground attitude off you.*

Do you feel better now that you attempted to make someone who’s looking for a bit of empathy feel like sh*t? How sad if you do.

She's not looking for empathy, she's looking for people to join her in complaining about a random group of women at a gym class, because they happen to know each other and not her.
I'm not joining in her bitching about them and stand by my comments. OP needs to grow up.

Cliques aren't a thing , we're not american teenagers,

WonderfulUsername · 23/10/2023 18:15

babetyouknow · 23/10/2023 18:09

She's not looking for empathy, she's looking for people to join her in complaining about a random group of women at a gym class, because they happen to know each other and not her.
I'm not joining in her bitching about them and stand by my comments. OP needs to grow up.

Cliques aren't a thing , we're not american teenagers,

Show quote history

Very well said 👏👏

mugboat · 23/10/2023 18:41

Some useful advice here and maybe this is not a clique...

But I am here to tell you that adult cliques are a thing.

I encountered one at a toddler group years ago... turned up with my LO and the lady greeted us with "hello, welcome, we're not cliquey here you know"... odd sort of welcome I'm sure you'll agree...

well it was indeed a clique... around 8 mums and me in a massive hall... No-one said hello or returned my smile. At snack time they dove in straight away and took most of the food for their own kids and left mine with hardly anything... I could not wait to get out of there! As I left the organiser said "thanks for coming, will you come back??"...

I felt sorry for her, she obviously knew a bunch of unfriendly mums had taken over for themselves and were putting ppl off but didn't know what to do about it.

I found it weird and never went back- lots of other, much better toddler groups to attend.

MonZb · 23/10/2023 19:32

Women can be very unkind to those they feel threatened by, OP. I bet you're younger (or look younger) and are prettier than them, and/or have something they want.

skippy67 · 23/10/2023 19:37

babetyouknow · 23/10/2023 18:09

She's not looking for empathy, she's looking for people to join her in complaining about a random group of women at a gym class, because they happen to know each other and not her.
I'm not joining in her bitching about them and stand by my comments. OP needs to grow up.

Cliques aren't a thing , we're not american teenagers,

Show quote history

Perfectly put.

skippy67 · 23/10/2023 19:38

MonZb · 23/10/2023 19:32

Women can be very unkind to those they feel threatened by, OP. I bet you're younger (or look younger) and are prettier than them, and/or have something they want.

Oh fgs..!

Eve223 · 23/10/2023 19:46

skippy67 · 23/10/2023 19:38

Oh fgs..!

Show quote history

It is a fair point.

booksandbrooks · 23/10/2023 21:54

I don't understand why this matters?

I had one cliquey instructor who didn't like me much it was a bit awkward but I enjoyed her classes and it didn't make any difference if mg work out.

There was one I adored, I was probably in her 'clique' but she was lovely to everyone so far as i
could see. Tbh I'd got 2 kids under 2 and god knows what facial expressions I made for the first couple of years at that gym as I was constantly half asleep and in survival mode.

People are allowed groups of friends. People don't have to include just anyone.

A lot of glares are resting bitch face rather than personal.

Even if they do have a clique that's a bit sad if them, but it doesn't effect your work out.

Going to the gym without a group of friends usually results in a better workout imo.

Stop thinking about them. I bet they aren't thinking about you.

booksandbrooks · 24/10/2023 03:54

Think my post comes across as quite harsh, but it's meant in a friendly tone. Blush

Just don't pay them any mind. I sometimes wonder if I come over cliquey at school. I'm
Very friendly and know loads of people but I'm also very awkward and just trying to get in and out and still often in a daze TBF.