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AIBU?

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Original poster

Inheritance selfishness?

43 replies

GiveMeAMin · 19/06/2023 16:38

Been with DP for 12 years, 2 DC, 8&6;live in mortgaged property 75/25 tenants in common in my favour. Approx 5 years ago I inherited £50k which I spent on a car for myself (£10k) and the rest on property renovation. So another £40k invested in our home with no adjustment to the tenants in common agreement. DP is about to inherit £50k and has told me that he will pay off his van loan and intends to keep the rest. We have planning permission for a small extension (approx £60k) and he is insisting that we re-mortgage when (if) the rates come down a bit. He’s made comments about the ratio being unfair in the event of a split.

AIBU
yes- it’s his money and he can do what he wants with it
no-he’s a selfish git who should use all the disposable money on our home , then borrow a smaller amount on a joint remortgage

OP posts:
Curseofthenation · 19/06/2023 16:45

How much does DP contribute to bills? If he contributes his fair share (i.e 50/50 on utilities) then I would say he should contribute 10k as a proportional contribution to the property, as you put in 40k. You would also hope that he would want to spend some of the money on his children/family if not the property.

sparkleice · 19/06/2023 16:47

so will he give you £20k to cover what you put in?

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 16:49

Curseofthenation · 19/06/2023 16:45

How much does DP contribute to bills? If he contributes his fair share (i.e 50/50 on utilities) then I would say he should contribute 10k as a proportional contribution to the property, as you put in 40k. You would also hope that he would want to spend some of the money on his children/family if not the property.

That would need to be £12.5K to be proportional.

sparkleice · 19/06/2023 16:51

yes - i was thinking 50/50

Tryagainplease · 19/06/2023 16:52

He needs to at least pay you back the £20k of the £40k you put in to the house IMO.
Either that or you adjust the tenants in common terms to cover the additional value you added on to the property (worked out in terms of percentage)
Yes I think he is being selfish here.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 16:52

@GiveMeAMin Don't marry him or it might invalidate your tenants in common in unequal shares agreement.

He ought to be spending some of this money on the house/family since it sounds as though he was happy to benefit from your spending.

Sunnydaysareuponus · 19/06/2023 16:53

There would be no building going on until a solicitor has changed the split...

YeahIsaidit · 19/06/2023 16:54

Really it's his money, unless he told you that you had to put the money in for the house renovations, that's what you chose to do with yours, he can do what he likes with his....

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 16:56

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 16:49

That would need to be £12.5K to be proportional.

Show quote history

No, I got that wrong as well. £13.3K would be proportional.

PoachedEd · 19/06/2023 16:57

If he doesn't want to contribute, could you ask a solicitor to document that you now own a higher %?

caringcarer · 19/06/2023 16:59

PoachedEd · 19/06/2023 16:57

If he doesn't want to contribute, could you ask a solicitor to document that you now own a higher %?

Yes, I'd be doing this tbh.

AuntieJoyce · 19/06/2023 17:01

Does he pay 25% of the market every month?

Wiseflower · 19/06/2023 17:01

Yes, he is a selfish git! But please don't let money get between you if you value your relationship. He needs to be fair and see that you are both equal in loyality towards each other and house regardless if you were married or not. 12 year relationship is evidence enough.

AuntieJoyce · 19/06/2023 17:02

Mortgage!!

SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2023 17:04

Have you said to him directly that you put in 4ok into the house from your inheritance to benefit you both and it feels unfair he's intending to not invest the rest in his family?

elfin79 · 19/06/2023 17:06

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 16:52

@GiveMeAMin Don't marry him or it might invalidate your tenants in common in unequal shares agreement.

He ought to be spending some of this money on the house/family since it sounds as though he was happy to benefit from your spending.

This isn't right. DP and I also own our house as tenants in common but we agreed that since we were paying the mortgage and bills etc 50/50 that we would just ring fence our deposits (he put in £45K more than I did so would get the first £45K in the event of a sale). We updated our deed of trust and made wills after forming a civil partnership as we wanted to ensure that DSD would have access to her inheritance once we'd both popped our clogs.

You can actually be tenants in common based on amounts rather than percentages or shares of the house, might be worth revisiting that and getting a deed of trust in place if you don't already have one.

(We actually call ours a deed of mistrust as that's essentially what it is).

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 17:08

AuntieJoyce · 19/06/2023 17:01

Does he pay 25% of the market every month?

Whether that would be reasonable depends on how much he contributed in the first place.

We are also tenants in common in unequal shares. I paid for 50% of our house up front (by selling my previous house). DP paid nothing. We each pay 50% of the outstanding mortgage. Therefore once the mortgage is paid off, I will have paid 75% of the house and DP 25%. If he only paid 25% of the mortgage, he would only have paid for 12.5% of the house.

GatesOfBabylon · 19/06/2023 17:08

If you are keeping the ownership portions proportional he owes you £13.3k, 1/3rd of the £40k

If he wants the ratio to be 50/50 he needs to finance that…

Lefteyetwitch · 19/06/2023 17:08

Did he force you to do this?
Was it discussed prior to the renovation?

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 17:11

elfin79 · 19/06/2023 17:06

This isn't right. DP and I also own our house as tenants in common but we agreed that since we were paying the mortgage and bills etc 50/50 that we would just ring fence our deposits (he put in £45K more than I did so would get the first £45K in the event of a sale). We updated our deed of trust and made wills after forming a civil partnership as we wanted to ensure that DSD would have access to her inheritance once we'd both popped our clogs.

You can actually be tenants in common based on amounts rather than percentages or shares of the house, might be worth revisiting that and getting a deed of trust in place if you don't already have one.

(We actually call ours a deed of mistrust as that's essentially what it is).

Show quote history

That's why I said 'might'.

It depends how the agreement is drawn up. I could have ringfenced my deposit 20 years ago, but we chose to split things by percentage. I would have lost out in the short-term but, if we were to split up now, would gain in the long-term.

AuntieJoyce · 19/06/2023 17:59

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 17:08

Whether that would be reasonable depends on how much he contributed in the first place.

We are also tenants in common in unequal shares. I paid for 50% of our house up front (by selling my previous house). DP paid nothing. We each pay 50% of the outstanding mortgage. Therefore once the mortgage is paid off, I will have paid 75% of the house and DP 25%. If he only paid 25% of the mortgage, he would only have paid for 12.5% of the house.

Show quote history

This is why people have ring fencing agreements as per PP above. OP didn’t say that she had a ring fencing agreement.

Based on what she said, she would come out with 75% of the house proceeds.

you also need to allow for appreciation

Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 19/06/2023 18:00

We contribute 50/50. He’s always been a bit sniffy about the ratio split as he believes that his contribution of his labour into the renovation of the house (using my funds for goods only) should cancel out any imbalance and make it 50/50

OP posts:
Original poster
GiveMeAMin · 19/06/2023 18:02

clearly I don’t feel the same ; I work hard in other ways ie: doing the lions share of raising our children

OP posts:
AuntieJoyce · 19/06/2023 18:05

The other missing jigsaw piece OP is how much did you both put in to start with, and how much was the house purchase price

Cornishclio · 19/06/2023 18:12

I am a bit on the fence here. You chose to use your inheritance to do property renovations and I would remind him of that. If he chooses not to do the same you can't really force him but I wouldn't be inclined to remortgage if he is sitting on £40k cash. It doesn't make financial sense.