Inheritance selfishness?

[GiveMeAMin]

Been with DP for 12 years, 2 DC, 8&6;live in mortgaged property 75/25 tenants in common in my favour. Approx 5 years ago I inherited £50k which I spent on a car for myself (£10k) and the rest on property renovation. So another £40k invested in our home with no adjustment to the tenants in common agreement. DP is about to inherit £50k and has told me that he will pay off his van loan and intends to keep the rest. We have planning permission for a small extension (approx £60k) and he is insisting that we re-mortgage when (if) the rates come down a bit. He’s made comments about the ratio being unfair in the event of a split.

AIBU
yes- it’s his money and he can do what he wants with it
no-he’s a selfish git who should use all the disposable money on our home , then borrow a smaller amount on a joint remortgage

Yes. (I'm not sure why you're explaining this to me)

You can either ring-fence your deposit as a PP has said or you can hold the property in unequal shares as I have chosen. There are pros and cons for each.

I think if you've been together for 12 years, brought children in to this world and are still quibbling over money then it's probably time to call it a day to be honest.

So he only gets 25% of the house if you split but pays 50% of the mortgage?

What was the ratio you out in originally?

if you put and additional 40k in and he puts 40k in and you both pay the same for the mortgage each month, it does seem a little unfair for the split to be in your favour.

Even if you put more in originally. After, say, 20 years of both paying 50:50 and both putting in an additional 40k would you still be happy with the split giving you only 25%?

my mind may change if you put a huge amount and he put nothing in at the beginning though.

I think you’re taking the piss! Is this a reverse?

So you want him to pay half but only get 25%? How much deposit did you put down? Fair enough to ringfence your original deposit but if he’s paying 50% of the rest he should get 50% of the rest, he’d probably be happy to put his 40k in then.

If you were a man posting you’d get your arse handed to you. I think you’re massively financially taking advantage of him here.

I think if you've been together for 12 years, brought children in to this world and are still quibbling over money then it's probably time to call it a day to be honest.

I think so too. You don’t agree on things and don’t sound very together. If he has done the labour on the house, it counts. If he is not pulling his weight with the children, that’s shit, his money, your money, it just sounds miserable.

he believes that his contribution of his labour into the renovation of the house (using my funds for goods only)

See, this does alter things a bit, because on reading your OP, I assumed you had in entirety arranged and paid for tradespeople to do the work: however, if your partner actually carried out the labour and you paid for materials, that's a bit of a switch.

You aren’t married so I’m not sure why you’re expecting him to share his money with you?

They've been together for 12 years and have kids - I'm not sure why there is any conversation about who's money is who's. Surely you just share a that point?

Did he do all the work? What would it have cost to pay someone else? I tend to agree with him there, it's certainly something of a drip feed.

I'm not sure I'd be wanting to spend my inheritance on a house I only owned 25% of .

But they don't own the house equally, so OP obviously cares whose money is whose.

"DP saved us a fortune in labour costs by doing all the work on our house renovations himself, but I bought all the stuff so really he should put the money left to him into the house so I benefit too" yeah the fact he did all the labour changes things a hell of a lot. Bit of a drip feed their eh? Did he tell you what to use your inheritance for or did you do it off your own bat? Maintain my original stance though, his money to do what he likes with

@Youknowaboutthepaint
That's my point - the whole thing sounds like it started on shaky ground.

Quibbling over money and who's paying what, who's doing what and who owns what.

Not my idea of a happy relationship at all.

When my husband inherited what (I think) was a fairly substantial amount a few years ago, I didn't ask him exactly how much and I have never asked what he did with it. Why not? Because it is his money left to him! I expect that I have or will benefit indirectly, as his wife, but if he had chosen to put it all on a nag in the 4.30 at Kempton Park, that would have been his choice.

This 👏🏻

Sorry for drip feed, this is my first post. I chose to spend all my money on the house renovation because I wanted a nice home for us and the children: he did save us a large amount of money on labour and if we did split I would actually probably just do 50/50 fair share as I’d want my children to have 2 nice homes. Happily though we are very much together and I just wanted peoples opinions which I am taking on board. I did put down a fairly large sum as my share of the deposit from my house sale. He had less to contribute as he spent a large amount on a trip to Australia when we first met. I can’t seem to make him see that it doesn’t make sense to borrow when there is disposal money sat there

It's only disposable if HE WANTS IT to be, it isn't yours and you don't have any say in how it should or shouldn't be spent.

Oh yes, only a ring fence of the original deposit (and probably not even that) ; anything other would be taking thy piss I agree

So then it’s specific amounts of the original deposit that are ring fenced?

it’s feels you are being a bit cagey or changing details.

and he would be stupid to trust ‘oh I know I can take 75% if we split up. But I promise I won’t and I will give you 50%’