Old colleague and work whatsapp chat

[Workwhatsappdilemma]

I know I will get a load of replies saying "just take her out" but it's a little more nuanced than that (obviously AIBU is famous for its appreciation of nuance...)

When I started in my current manager role I created a WA group for my direct reports. A colleague Sue who worked for the same boss as me (so same level in the managerial structure) was working incredibly closely with me and my team in a related area asked to be added. I did so, slightly reluctantly as I did want a team space for my reports but at the time we were all working on 90% the same stuff so it did make a lot of sense. So WA was me, my line reports, and Sue (8 people). She got on extremely well with my team and all was fine, having her in the WA group was overall beneficial to bringing the team together.

The WA group was and still is mainly used for "social team chat" eg photos of kids/pets/holidays as well as the odd business relevant topic or chat. It's not used directly for work tasks (we aren't allowed in my company).

Sue has now moved departments, this wasn't her choice and she found it very difficult. She no longer has any work involvement with my team, although she is essentially friends with a few of them. I was expecting she would say her goodbyes and remove herself from the WA group but she didn't and even joked in there about wanting to stay. She was a good colleague and I felt bad for her as I know her move was a bit tough. I thought as the group continued with team chat she'd conclude it was time to sign off.

However here we are 2 months later and she's still in there occasionally contributing but also things such as a team member was recently ill and I sent a gift on behalf of the team, she's asking "what's did I miss" etc. It's starting to irritate me that we don't have a team WA space for ourselves.

If I was reading this I'd say - just delete her - but she is still very popular amongst my team (so yes, I don't want to piss them off by upsetting her unnecessarily) and fundamentally I do feel a bit sorry for her with what's happened, she has found it really hard and I do like her, so if I want her out I need to find a way to either get her to see herself that it's time, or nicely ask her to leave (which I think would need to be managed with those of my team who consider her a friend)

Equally I could just suck it up and let her stay, I'm quite prepared to be told I'm unreasonable having a bee in my bonnet here.

AIBU to want her out of the group? If not, any thoughts on how I can achieve this in a diplomatic way??

I would leave her in there, considering g you can't use it for any work related discussion anyway.

As you can't discuss 'work' I can't see why you need a chat specifically without her?

If it's not work-related talk, then why does it bother you that she is still there? It's for chit chat. You sound mean.

I don't understand your reasoning for removing her?

I really don't understand what your problem is. The WA isn't used for work, it's a social thing. What's the big deal?

We are a global team so get to see each other face to face max once a year. Hence I feel a virtual team space is quite important for just team bonding etc even if just sharing silly pictures. While she's good friends with some of the team others she doesn't know well and I feel having someone in there who isn't part of the team (from their perspective, essentially a random) changes the dynamic of the group.

I'd potentially make a new group for your team and leave that one as is, as a lot of the team still get on with her.

Or remove her and send her a separate message advising that there had been a complaint and you had been asked to remove her, as she is no longer part of the team.

I’d set up a new one for your team only, if they continue to want to share stuff with her in the old group they can.

I think the easiest abd pat 0bcioys solution is to start a new WA group just for your team and keep the existing group with Sue as a purely social group.

Yes a new group, named after the team.

God sorry for typos - that should say the easiest and most obvious solution is to create a new group just for your team.

Other people will surely join and leave your team eventually. Are you planning on strictly removing them? Or starting a new WhatsApp group every time? How would you feel if you find out your team have a group without you?
Unless her presence is a problem to anyone else I'd just leave it

Yes a new group is an option. It's ideal because it will create a competing group for photo sharing etc etc.

It might be where we end up though.

It has already been really helpful reading everyone's different views. Happy to be told I'm being mean as well, I appreciate other people might be a bit more relaxed about it.

I had this recently, but I was Sue. I made a point of leaving the group on my last day, and saying “no offence, but I don’t want that awkward moment in a couple of months when I’m still hanging around and you have to boot me out”. As she hasn’t done that, I’d go with setting up a new group without her.

DEFINITELY don’t tell her “there’s been a complaint”- how would letting her think that the least unpleasant way out of it? That’s a terrible idea!

I would send her a message and say “Hey Sue, just letting you know that as the team WhatsApp group may have information discussed in it that is just for our team from time to time I’m limiting this group to my current team only”..then she or the team members she’s close with can set up another group

Yes this is exactly the point.

In my company part of a "normal" offboarding is saying thanks and goodbye in the team WA, leaving, then most likely being added to the new one.

My boss's PA recently did a clear out of the old (much bigger) group of his organisation (team and sub teams), and she was removed.

For me (and the 2 colleagues I've confided in about my dilemma) it's a bit odd that she wants to hang around and indicative of the fact that she's found it all a bit difficult leaving. Hence I don't just want to remove her.

But yes, if someone else left tomorrow I imagine they'd leave and I'd add their replacement to the team group (although perhaps not now she's set a precedent).

Don't do this . This is gaslighting and she will forever wonder who she has upset .

If you want to make the decision to remover her then you need to own it .

Personally I don't see the issue - but if you want to have a WA specifically for your team then yes, make a new one but outline to your team what the new chat is for - if you are only seeing Sue as an ex colleague, rather than a friend - maybe remove yourself from the original chat so that can remain a friendship group chat .

Argh NOT ideal

How many new people have joined the team since Sue left (and therefore don’t know her)?
I think that the issue is that in a small group aimed at creating a sense of intimacy, some may feel awkward sharing social things with a person they have never met.

The point is that you all know each other by working together so that creates the dynamic for sharing (eg) holiday pics. it doesn’t matter that the group is social only.

If you have more than 2 new joiners I think that is the perfect opportunity to say to Sue that you are setting up a new “team social” group that the new people will be comfortable in, and suggest that the old group become one that is defined by the friendship links rather than the work links. You might also say gently that you’ll be dropping out of the old one and handing over admin role to someone else, as you’re a bit too busy to keep up with two.

No I absolutely won't be telling her there's been a complaint!!!

I think the recent example with sick colleague/gift I can maybe use to explain to her why it's tricky....or maybe the idea of repurposing it as a somehow social group to allow a team only group is perhaps a good one.

I don't agree with setting up a new group chat, you can't do that every time someone leaves your team but not the WA group.
I think you need to send her a direct message to say you're going to remove her as its purpose is team only but she should feel free to stay in touch and even set up a social group if she wants.

Yes you've hit the nail on the head, this is exactly why. It's a bit like having a friend listening in on your team calls.

It's only been 2 months since she moved departments, in that time one person has joined the team (no one has left, it was a new position). I don't expect any other people changes soon as it's a smallish team.

I think it's equally possible she feels increasingly awkward about being in the group but doesn't know what to do. She's a nice person but not super confident so I can see a possibility that she doesn't know how to leave (one of the reasons she's found it hard having to leave our department was she had been there almost 10 years so I think this is the first time she's left a job when work whatsapp groups have been a thing).

My old job had an official WhatsApp group for staff and work matters, then an unofficial one which was for socialising etc and people could stay on that one after they left the company if they wanted.

Yes this is why I'm hesitant about a second group even if it's the simplest option at first glance. It's a bit ridiculous and also if the old people are still in it I then create a competing group for my team/confusion.

But I also don't want to simply boot her out, she would be upset by something that brutal.

There are probably 3 or 4 people in the existing chat she'd want to stay in touch with as friends. She'd be better off setting up a group with them herself and leaving the other one.

I think I will have to find a way to gently suggest this to her.

Presumably Sue is already a bit out of the loop because even if you avoid work chat in the social group, you’ll sometimes start a social conversation on a work channel- Bob says “right, here’s the report, pay attention to X, Y and Z but bear in mind I won’t be around to finalise the pricing until after next month as I’m off to get married in Vegas woo hoo! “ [cue some chat about the wedding and Vegas hol]

Then the Vegas pics show up a month later on the social group and Sue has no idea that Bob was getting married.