Old colleague and work whatsapp chat

[Workwhatsappdilemma]

I know I will get a load of replies saying "just take her out" but it's a little more nuanced than that (obviously AIBU is famous for its appreciation of nuance...)

When I started in my current manager role I created a WA group for my direct reports. A colleague Sue who worked for the same boss as me (so same level in the managerial structure) was working incredibly closely with me and my team in a related area asked to be added. I did so, slightly reluctantly as I did want a team space for my reports but at the time we were all working on 90% the same stuff so it did make a lot of sense. So WA was me, my line reports, and Sue (8 people). She got on extremely well with my team and all was fine, having her in the WA group was overall beneficial to bringing the team together.

The WA group was and still is mainly used for "social team chat" eg photos of kids/pets/holidays as well as the odd business relevant topic or chat. It's not used directly for work tasks (we aren't allowed in my company).

Sue has now moved departments, this wasn't her choice and she found it very difficult. She no longer has any work involvement with my team, although she is essentially friends with a few of them. I was expecting she would say her goodbyes and remove herself from the WA group but she didn't and even joked in there about wanting to stay. She was a good colleague and I felt bad for her as I know her move was a bit tough. I thought as the group continued with team chat she'd conclude it was time to sign off.

However here we are 2 months later and she's still in there occasionally contributing but also things such as a team member was recently ill and I sent a gift on behalf of the team, she's asking "what's did I miss" etc. It's starting to irritate me that we don't have a team WA space for ourselves.

If I was reading this I'd say - just delete her - but she is still very popular amongst my team (so yes, I don't want to piss them off by upsetting her unnecessarily) and fundamentally I do feel a bit sorry for her with what's happened, she has found it really hard and I do like her, so if I want her out I need to find a way to either get her to see herself that it's time, or nicely ask her to leave (which I think would need to be managed with those of my team who consider her a friend)

Equally I could just suck it up and let her stay, I'm quite prepared to be told I'm unreasonable having a bee in my bonnet here.

AIBU to want her out of the group? If not, any thoughts on how I can achieve this in a diplomatic way??

Yes this is exactly what's happened recently, and Sue has jumped in saying "ooh I'm so out of the loop" "what did I miss" etc.

I was expecting this to happen and I'd hoped it would be more gentle for her than me nudging her to leave/booting her out, as it would prompt her to realise. But she hasn't she just asks the team what's going on, and those with a friendship with her explain in the group.

Gah!

Sue’s a bit of a muppet to ask the group to catch her up instead of direct messaging one of the people she is closer to in order to ask.

You sound very caring towards her, did you have some sort to play in her moving and now feel guilty?

Could you enlist one of her closer friends to suggest the new social group, set it up and then allow Sue the dignity of leaving yours saying she’s off to the new one? Only works if others want a separate group with her I guess.

^ This!

Leaning towards this.

You could set up a second "work matters" WA group and see which one does the best.

Id stop using WA for work groups! it always leads to no end of problems, including what you do it someone issues a SAR, how do you turn over WA messages, who will hand over their device? its just not worth the hassle.

I think creating a new group and announce it in the old group with the message that as team members over time change and Ex team member doesn't want to have to wade through all the day to day stuff and might not know all the new members it seems time to update. Emphasis you know everyone would still love to still keep in touch. Call the work one Work Team 2023 and call the old chat Absent friends or something. That way people can still dip into the old one to catch up with Ex colleagues but won't be in all the day work chat.

Just make a second chat for the current team this is definitely not a hig problem

OP has explained that company policy prohibits talking about work matters on WhatsApp.

well I don't mean anything sensitive. More like "hey we are having a team meeting tomorrow, look forward to seeing you all". Casual things relating to the team which this person won't be interested in. Call it anything you like.

It’s the norm where I work that if you leave a team then you’re removed from the whatsapp group that is particular to that team.

Over the past few months we’ve had people covering for my manager when she’s been away and they’re added to the whatsapp group for the duration. When my manager comes back she removes them, she actually explains to the team that she’s having to remove them because this is a whatsapp related only to the team.

It makes it awkward for newcomers if all the rest are still acting as a team along with her and she’s no longer there.

My DP had something similar at work, a couple of their colleagues left and new ones joined and there were people who insisted the old team members be invited to e.g. the office Christmas party etc. It was incredibly awkward for the newcomers as they were made to feel like outsiders.

ultimately you’re there as a manager. You need to manage, and that includes the work whatsapp group.

Set up a Teams group instead. Call it team name coffee break or team name water cooler chat. You can even set up drop in meetings, we have ours daily and anyone can pop in if they feel like it, just to chat.

That's much better than a WhatsApp group because it gets people actually speaking to each other rather than constantly sending messages. Also it's less dicey in terms of office politics or if any of your team experiences issues that knock on to HR - your company can demand to see the messages if it's considered to do with work and they have anything legal pending! So I find people being a bit more careful and fully using work provided software is just safer and better all round.

This. Seems obvious. The team members that don’t know sue can drop off old one. Just tell team, not sue, thst you’ve started a new WhatsApp for just your now team, but they can keep the “old” group going with Sue if they want.
simples

Possibly this?

This

But the OP has explained why setting up a new group isn't ideal.

I think you should message her separately and just say, "I've been sorting out the groups on WhatsApp and this Named one is going to have to be just for members of the team. Can you make a note of any numbers you still want to keep? Thanks x" Nothing more needs to be said.

My current workplace makes you leave the group chat on the day you quit which I find quite savage but I think it stops any awkwardness like your situation.

However, I’m still on my old group chat and have been for 4 years as I left it too late to delete myself and so I just put it on mute.

I stayed in my old work group chat for months until I was kicked out so I could still read all the drama

Thanks everyone.

I think one of the reasons why I'm reluctant to set up a new group is, as someone said upthread, I'm a manager, I'm there to manage. It feels like a cop out to me lumbering my team with an additional unwanted WA group.

My conclusion is I'm going to have a chat with her. There's been enough examples recently in the chat where she's been out of the loop and she needs to facilitate remaining in contact with the others herself if that's what she wants.

Have really appreciated all the perspectives on here and suggestions, thank you.

I've also actually realised one of the main reasons it's bugged me is it's actually felt like there's a little group within a group now, with Sue + those she's friendlier with in the team are sometimes having a few in jokes etc in the chat. The newer people to the team are more quiet. So at times the conversation reads a bit...cliquey? Absolutely not what this group is supposed to do.

This has been v helpful in clarifying my thoughts as always, thanks MN.

I think what I’d advise @Workwhatsappdilemma is you make clear boundaries of what the group is for in the group description. And you take charge of creating a deadline for when folks move on. Create a nice wording etc but then people know that within a month / week of leaving that they will be removed by group admin to keep the group ‘on purpose’. So they have time to say goodbyes and if they aren’t bothered or don’t leave - they’ll be removed at a certain date anyway.

can you pretend you've had a bit of a discussion about WA groups with other managers, and use that as a lead in to say 'sorry Sue, I just realised other teams have bee doing things differently, we should have sorted this out when you left, I've been a bit lax but apparently the team specific WA groups should be just for current members otherwise it gets a bit confusing, do you want to leave or shall I remove you? Obviously you can still message a, b, and c (her friends in the group) whenever you want, or set up your own group for you guys to keep in touch. Lets go for a coffee too and catch up soon!' or whatever.

@latetothefisting that's a really good idea as well, and fits in with some managerial changes so would sound plausible. Thank you.