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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP saying they wouldn't have done this

61 replies

Fruittwist12 · 19/06/2023 07:55

I took my DS to a trampoline park for a party on Friday. It was 2 hours. Checked him in made sure he was OK. I know the host of the party well and he was fine. They are 7 year olds. It wasn't busy in the place and they pretty much had the place to themselves. As the party took place over dinner Time, me and some of the other parents went a couple of doors door to have food until the party was over. The host had said drop off at this time pick up at this time.
Picked DS up he was great, had a fab time.
Saw my DP the next day and explain the evening etc. DP said oh well I wouldn't have done that and left DS alone. Made out it was bad parenting for me to have left DS.

AIBU to have left him to go a couple of doors door to eat?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fruittwist12 · 19/06/2023 09:26

BPDprincess · 19/06/2023 09:22

I reckon you're all MASSIVELY over-reacting.

Saying "I wouldn't have done that" is just giving an opinion on something. It's called conversation, it's not putting someone down.

Unless this guy is unkind and CONSTANTLY making comments then I really don't see why everyone is jumping on the 'why are you with him' wagon.

Well there has been some other judgemental comments over the years. I did put one example above.

Also when he expressed this opinion it was in front of his child so I felt like he was undermining me in front of them

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 19/06/2023 09:28

Sounds totally fine. It's a safe and secure location with other adults supervising.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 19/06/2023 09:30

Why are you with someone who wants to undermine your confidence? What does he think you and the other parents should've done?
How much interaction does he have with his own dch? I'm guessing he wants/needs more of a relationship with them. That's what he should be working on, not criticising you.

Mabelface · 19/06/2023 09:30

It's actually fuck all to do with him. I'd not be willing to stay with someone who feels the need to criticise and put me down.

BPDprincess · 19/06/2023 09:31

Fruittwist12 · 19/06/2023 09:26

Well there has been some other judgemental comments over the years. I did put one example above.

Also when he expressed this opinion it was in front of his child so I felt like he was undermining me in front of them

Show quote history

Thanks for replying ☺️

All I'm saying is that we need to be careful not to mix up 'judgemental' and 'conversation.'

I think it's ok to say 'I wouldn't have done it that way'. I do not think it's ok to say 'You shouldn't have done that, you are a bad parent.'

Jules912 · 19/06/2023 09:34

I wouldn't as our local trampoline park is massive and always busy, but was surprised how many did at DD's party. I tried to keep an eye out for them with the help of the other parents who stayed but there were a lot.

Soakitup37 · 19/06/2023 10:26

The issue here is not the dropping off and picking up element (standard from the parties my son has gone to from 7+) some parents stay some don’t.

the issue is your “d”p seems to have form for picking at your parenting which is 1) none of his business and 2) sounds a lot like he’s doing it spitefully. Either you stand up for yoursef or you drop him off somewhere and don’t pick him up again!

Hugasauras · 19/06/2023 10:29

BPDprincess · 19/06/2023 09:31

Thanks for replying ☺️

All I'm saying is that we need to be careful not to mix up 'judgemental' and 'conversation.'

I think it's ok to say 'I wouldn't have done it that way'. I do not think it's ok to say 'You shouldn't have done that, you are a bad parent.'

Show quote history

But why? What is the purpose of saying 'I wouldn't have done that' other than to make someone feel bad? OP didn't ask, she didn't seek an opinion on it, so it was an unprompted comment from him. What other intention is there? It's not 'conversation'.

Theprincessisblanketed · 19/06/2023 10:48

Accompanying a seven year old to parties unless you were asked to help out or have a specific issue with the parent/venue/your child, is helicoptering and I'd be running a mile from someone who thought that level of parenting was needed.

Pkhsvd · 19/06/2023 10:57

If you left him in the care of another parent then I don’t see the issue. I think you need to suggest that your DP keeps his opinions to himself

jannier · 19/06/2023 11:15

7 months no 7 years enjoy your meal he's just having a dig.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 19/06/2023 11:59

"I parent my ds my way, I do not need someone telling me how to do it, least of all you."

Original poster
Fruittwist12 · 19/06/2023 13:10

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 19/06/2023 11:59

"I parent my ds my way, I do not need someone telling me how to do it, least of all you."

I know right. He's done some questionable parenting, however I keep my opinions to myself and don't make him feel bad about it

OP posts:
manticlimactic0 · 19/06/2023 20:55

Fruittwist12 · 19/06/2023 13:10

I know right. He's done some questionable parenting, however I keep my opinions to myself and don't make him feel bad about it

Show quote history

Just say when I start judging you on your bad parenting, you can judge me on mine - and leave it at that.
😈

Thelnebriati · 19/06/2023 21:05

Is parenting your 'weak spot'; has he tried to criticise you on other things and you've been able to brush it off? What he is doing is not OK.

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angelikacpickles · 19/06/2023 21:08

Of course it's OK - he was at a party so being supervised. Nobody stays for parties beyond about age 5 here - drop and run.

celticprincess · 19/06/2023 21:35

Where we live, the soft play of trampoline parties are never drop off. Parents usually congregate in the cafe if the venue. Many often bring and pay in separately their siblings. However o have taken a group that age where parents weren’t allowed to stay - a mass girlguiding event at a trampoline park where rainbows, brownies, guides and rangers all went to bounce (at different times) with the required ratio of adults but not parents. But then our school organised a treat for the KS1 and then KS2 separately to go to the trampoline park and pare are had to stay and supervise their own child. So there’s no right and wrong in this situation. And perhaps different people feel differently about the scenario. Just agree to disagree on this one.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 19/06/2023 21:40

Oh course it’s fine.

our nearest trampoline parks are over 30 mins drive away so a parent would always just drive a bunch of kids down themselves for parties, as too far to ask parents to drop off.

theyre 7 not 2.

allhailthebrain · 20/06/2023 00:35

I wouldn’t have a problem with it. It’s about the age I started leaving mine I think - depending on if I knew the parent and how happy my kid was etc - it’s for you to judge. And you were a whole minute away… 🙄

Avondale89 · 20/06/2023 01:07

BPDprincess · 19/06/2023 09:22

I reckon you're all MASSIVELY over-reacting.

Saying "I wouldn't have done that" is just giving an opinion on something. It's called conversation, it's not putting someone down.

Unless this guy is unkind and CONSTANTLY making comments then I really don't see why everyone is jumping on the 'why are you with him' wagon.

Well if you put up with judgmental comments about your parenting in your relationship from your partner, who isn’t even the child’s dad, then more fool you.

He was being a cunt and completely unreasonable. Predictably this wasn’t his first attempt to put down and hurt his partner. He’s an arsehole.

Shoxfordian · 20/06/2023 05:21

Why are you still with someone who tries to make you feel bad like that?

BPDprincess · 20/06/2023 07:05

Avondale89 · 20/06/2023 01:07

Well if you put up with judgmental comments about your parenting in your relationship from your partner, who isn’t even the child’s dad, then more fool you.

He was being a cunt and completely unreasonable. Predictably this wasn’t his first attempt to put down and hurt his partner. He’s an arsehole.

Show quote history

And yet everybody is giving their opinion on here 🤣 Just because most people's opinions are in agreement with hers, it's ok?!

the7Vabo · 20/06/2023 07:27

The issue isn’t what you did which as others have pointed out is not only normal but what was expected given what the invite said.

The issue is that your BF feels so comfortable making such comments about your parenting skills. Not only that but he did it in front of a child.

RecycleMePlease · 20/06/2023 09:04

YABNU OP - this is when parties actually start being much less of a chore, because you can drop and run off for a couple of hours of quiet :)

Not that I didn't enjoy chatting at some of the littles parties, but it's very dependent on the parental group - sometimes we were friends, sometimes it was just aquaintances.

Actually, having said that, one place I lived it was the norm to have a separate room with wine and nibbles for the adults - that was very civilised (well, unless you were the designated driver)

Odiebay · 20/06/2023 09:33

But does he ever actually do that?
Does he take him to parties and stay the full time?

Easy to say when your not the one doing it. You were perfectly reasonable 😊