To feel resentful of my husband?

[Oscarpapa]

Maybe I’m burnt out and tired but I’m really struggling with division of labour in our house.

Background: Three kids - 15, 13 and 10. My 13 and 10 year old both have significant special needs. 13 year old went through mainstream primary but moved to a specialist secondary. Youngest always attended a specialist as they have significant complex needs. Decided by my DH and I that I would be a sahm as kids couldn’t attend nursery for more than a couple of hours a few days a week,

I'm completely stuck about whether you should work. On the one hand I think the house and getting the kids to and from school is more than enough for anyone. When I think that, I think no, leave work - you can do without that hassle. With a few hours to yourself in the middle of the day (in term time anyway) you might find yourself again.

On the other hand, if you stop work your husband will do even less than he does now. He doesn't have much respect for you now and he'll have even less then.

The thought of him refusing to have a cleaner when you have so much on your plate is really awful. It's abusive, really. He won't do it and expects you to do it when there's money to spare. That's awful.

I think you should go to couples' counselling and let him see the counsellor's face when you give them some hard facts.

I’ve been weighing up whether work is worth the added stress. The moment the kids get home I need to finish work. I don’t think he means to be a dick, it’s just not on his radar. He came in tonight and cooked the kids their dinner and had been and done the food shop. I feel worn out from caring. I think he thinks that now they’re all at school things are better. The trouble is I’m still just worn out and tired from it all. I was hoping to take my older two kids to see my sister in Canada and he could look after our youngest but he expected that I go for a week rather than the 10 days to two weeks I was hoping for. I just don’t think he wants to take care of our youngest. Who is such hard work. This week he’s smacked me repeatedly and smashed his switch beyond repair.

I did talk to DH at the weekend about more support. He’s going to get the kids involved more but I’m not sure I see things changing and part of me thinks, fuck it. Quit work, take up a hobby and rest more to try and give myself enough energy to deal with our youngest child.

You honestly need to knock this mentality on the head right now. There are people out there who can take the domestic load off you. Off the household, as its absolutely NOT your sole responsibility to do the domestic work. Stop bending to his demands and get a cleaner/housekeeper. I'm one. I do all the laundry, ironing and put it all away. Do the bins, the dishwasher, all the cleaning, food shopping, bed changing, buying cleaning supplies etc. Imagine what an immediate difference that would make. Don't wait for his permission. Who made him the bloody boss.