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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many people you know....

94 replies

MovieQueen12 · 18/06/2023 20:54

Who are single with no kids in their thirties and what do you truthfully think of them?
I honestly know no single people my age and I know a fair amount of people.

OP posts:
xoomer · 19/06/2023 05:49

My brother is nearly 40. Recently divorced no kids. He has lots of sporty hobbies and a dog so he's always busy.

Charley50 · 19/06/2023 06:07

I know quite a few, some by choice some not. They're a bit older so most won't be having kids as the 'window' has closed.
I never think about it/ them in negative ways. It doesn't factor.

I've felt sadness for the ones that did want children and didn't get to have them, if they've shared their feelings with me.

Oblomov23 · 19/06/2023 06:14

2 friends from school.

ThisIsACoolUserName · 19/06/2023 06:43

I know quite a few men in this position. I know one woman.
The woman is SUUUUPER cool. She has an awesome job, a couple of dogs, a camper van, and takes herself off for van holidays all the time. However, she's frantically all over OLD looking for a husband, so I know she feels that's missing for her. For various reasons that i wont go into here, I'm confident she won't be able to make a relationship last, so I anticipate a dissapointing and unrewarding dating future ahead of her unfortunately.
But I don't really think anything of people who are single in their 30s. I'm married but intentionally childfree, so my lifestyle isn't 'the norm' either, so I wouldn't judge either way.

Lampan · 19/06/2023 06:52

Well over half my friends (late 30s), I’d say at least 10 of my good friends and several others besides. It’s great as I’m the same and with no desire to change either. And there definitely doesn’t seem to be any evidence of the friends who are married or have kids being any happier than the single ones.
Being married/having kids or not is ALWAYS either choice or circumstance. So it’s completely pointless to judge anyone either way

TheWayTheLightFalls · 19/06/2023 06:53

A few. In each case they've said small things about wanting a relationship or family, so I worry that they feel lonely or like they are missing out. While wanting to shake them and hoping they enjoy all the lie-ins, calm homes, opportunities to advance at work and saturdays not spent at bloody soft play.

Jifmicroliquid · 19/06/2023 06:55

I feel more pity for people who feel they have to have a partner in their life to be complete. I’m happily single and childless and actively choose to stay that way. I get nothing from relationships personally, I don’t enjoy them at all.

whatapalavaaa · 19/06/2023 06:58

Two friends and my sister spring to mind. I’m envious of one friend and my sister who live amazing lifestyles and don’t plan to have dc. I respect that they’ve gone against the grain as I think a lot of people have dc because they ‘think they should’ though I appreciate that mindset is changing.

my other friend wants dc and hasn’t met anyone. I hate that women have a biological clock and wish she could be at peace with it but know she’s not. I hope she gets what she wants and finds happiness.

when I meet women in general without dc I don’t think anything of it.

HelterSkelter224 · 19/06/2023 07:05

Quite a few of my good friends are single and living the absolute dream being able to focus on their careers (for those who prioritise that), travelling to gorgeous places and spending their money on whatever the hell they want. As much as I love my family life I do envy them sometimes.

honeylulu · 19/06/2023 07:15

Most people I know who are in their 30s and 40s and have no significant other or kids seem to live fun, interesting, carefree lives so I'm a bit jealous rather than piteous! My mum and grandma would have banged on about it being "such a shame" that poor such and such never found anyone but that's a rather old fashioned view. These days people do as they choose, not what society traditionally expects and good for them.

Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 19/06/2023 07:17

I know many and most prefer it that way, granted a few are gay men living their best lives but there’s a fair few women opting for it too.

I do have one friend who is on every dating app going looking for Mr Right to marry and have children with. The problem is her expectations are sky high (only child/ Daddies princess) she wants a wealthy good looking male late 30’s who will worship her with the least amount of baggage possible. All great on paper but she has a domineering rude/nasty/argumentative streak which lets her down constantly, nothing ever progresses beyond the second or third date.

MyMachineAndMe · 19/06/2023 07:17

Only one but I don't know many people at all. I don't like her but that's nothing to do with her having children or not; it's more about her being an annoying know-it-all.

RocketIceLollie · 19/06/2023 07:18

I know one or two single childless woman but I know quite a few guys at work who are single and childless. I do feel sorry for them as they usually comment how horrific modern dating is.

Franticbutterfly · 19/06/2023 08:25

Quite a few. I don't think anything much about them except that they might regret it when they are older, although I don't presume this will definitely be the case.

TenoringBehind · 19/06/2023 09:50

None, but I’m older (50s) so I don’t really know anyone in their thirties, single or otherwise.

I’d be quite envious of the freedom to do whatever you like. Definitely wouldn’t pity anyone who was single.

zingally · 19/06/2023 11:00

I know quite a few in their 30s and older. Don't think much of anything tbh, other than the occasional twinge of jealousy when they're swanning off on another lovely holiday!

mondaytosunday · 19/06/2023 11:48

I know several now in late 50s -60s single (never married) with no kids. Don't think anything.

SunLover1985 · 19/06/2023 11:52

Absolutely loads of them.

There isn’t space to tell you what I think of each one of them but suffice to say, none of it relates to their relationship status or whether they have children.

I was 38 before becoming a parent and I was living the dream throughout my 20s and 30s. I’m glad DD happened but I would’ve been equally happy, in a different way, had it not.

orangeblosssom · 19/06/2023 11:57

I don't think anything.

notacooldad · 19/06/2023 12:00

I know quite a few.
Some are my friends some are just people I know through work, the pib, clubs or whatever.
It's never occurred tome to think.anythin tbh.
I've also know people in their 40s, 59s and 60s that have no children. It doesn't affect me in anyway🤷‍♀️

dearJayne · 19/06/2023 12:03

4 people.

I don't think anything of it.

drpet49 · 19/06/2023 12:05

I know 3. All are desperate to meet a partner and have kids but time is running out. One is quite depressed about it.

FilthyforFirth · 19/06/2023 12:06

Quite a few including my best friend. I don't think anything of it, apart from brief pangs of envy.

mast0650 · 19/06/2023 12:08

Two of my cousins (and I only have five cousins).
Plenty of people at work.
I don't think it is that unusual??

douglasadamswasright · 19/06/2023 12:12

I know a lot of people, have quite a few friends. I'm out of my thirties now but five of my best friends are childless and 30-40 years old.

Then I have about the equal amount of best/close friends who are parents, some we met that way, others are much longer friends.

What do I think of them? I judge everyone on their own merits.

I do think without children you can become a bit lost and drift along in life, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Children certainly gave my life structure, which I needed, but not everyone thrives on that.

Everyone's different.