Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask how many people you know....

94 replies

MovieQueen12 · 18/06/2023 20:54

Who are single with no kids in their thirties and what do you truthfully think of them?
I honestly know no single people my age and I know a fair amount of people.

OP posts:

stayathomer · 18/06/2023 22:42

In two of my groups only two of us have children- all in their 40s. I know a number of people who are single, all happy out

Lesina · 18/06/2023 22:47

My best friend and I envy her every day of my life. She doesn’t have to deal with the day to day grind of raising kids and the endless housework. On the other hand she would have loved to have a child. So horses for corses

Avondale89 · 18/06/2023 22:49

Quite a few. Don’t feel any pity or embarrassment for them. They’re all happy and healthy and have made choices that work for them in their lives. I also was single and child free for the first half of my 30s. Would be boring if we were all the same wouldn’t it.

TeddySunflowers · 18/06/2023 22:58

For the ones who want a partner/kids but don't have it, I feel very sad for because they deserve happiness and being lonely and feeling unfulfilled is awful.

For the ones who don't want to settle or have children, I feel happy for because they are happy and are living life the way they want to.

MysterStoneCircle000 · 18/06/2023 23:37

I know several people who are legally single, but who have partners & no children

I know several people who are legally single with no partner & no children

I don't think any less of them

People are not defined by their children or lack of children

People are not defined by their lack of a partner

You have to look at the person as a whole like their hobbies, interests, employment, tastes, sense of humour, health etc

Older group 50s

JogOn123 · 18/06/2023 23:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NotABrag · 18/06/2023 23:47

Loads!! They seem to be living their best lives and I like to live vicariously through their holiday Instagram posts 😂

Kilorrery · 18/06/2023 23:51

Sounds to me like you should make an effort to find a more varied type of friend. I know quite a few people of both sexes who are not in a relationship and have no children who are in their 30s, 40s and 50s. They range from rolling stone types who prefer peripatetic lives (one who spends winters on a houseboat in Amsterdam and summers as a hiking guide), an ultramarathoner who arranges his life around training and competing, a couple of people who just swore off relationships, a Buddhist nun, one friend who says she doesn’t like who she is in a relationship, another who lives somewhere remote and is a carer.

StellaGibson2022 · 18/06/2023 23:52

It makes me feel a little envious tbh - my 30s were a great decade but a little marred by knowing I wasnt getting younger.

30 is still young enough that you have energy and if you have no ties you can travel, focus on your career, look after yourself in terms of wellbeing etc. Enjoy it I say!

I had my DC just after my 39th b-day and whilst I would never want to change anything my 40s have been a slog (am now spending the rest of my 40s to set me up for my 50s ;))

ButterflyCharm · 18/06/2023 23:55

I’m past 30 and the fertile years are over for myself and my friends who are age from 44 upwards.

The ones who never had children and wanted them.

One had caring responsibilities
One had overbearing parents, incredibly old fashioned
Two got heartbroken by men cheating on them when in their early thirties and just gave up
One is just actually horrible, I’m related to them.

I have one friend childfree by choice and one poor friend who is so lovely but had 7 miscarriages and never managed to have a living child.

I think nothing regarding if people have or don’t have children, unless their children are all they want to talk about and then I dodge them. I do have children myself.

dartsofcupid · 19/06/2023 00:00

Most of my closest friends don’t have kids, they’re all people I met at uni or through work and it’s just turned out that way (weirdly most of my childhood friends have kids). What I think is it seems like being child-free is a more relaxed life and sometimes I wish I had their choices and lots of freedom to do things for myself (they all have pretty sweet set-ups, major disposable income etc). That said, I did get a text as two of them drank champagne in their perfectly tidy houses in nice new outfits on Christmas Eve, doing a bit of comedy gloating, cos they knew I’d be up to my neck in muck and bullets; I was surprised by how little envy I felt. Maybe it’s cos my kids are older now and I actually really like them as people so feel lucky to know them (and didn’t have to assemble any more toy kitchens/ Lego pirate ships).

Trying2understand · 19/06/2023 00:05

Absolutely loads. @MovieQueen12 do you live in a smaller community? In urban centres I really think it's the norm for many people to be single and/or coupled but childless.

gwenneh · 19/06/2023 00:07

Probably eight or nine women and three or four men.
I don't think about their marital or reproductive status at all.

scoobydoo1971 · 19/06/2023 00:10

I know at least 10 30-something singletons with no kids. They all pursue active careers and have devoted time to that. Some might admit to having not met a partner worth investing time and commitment in, but most seem to have fabulous hectic social lives. As a disabled 50-something single mother with 2 teenagers, 4 cats, 2 dogs, and a business to run around countless operations and medical appointments...I feel green with envy, but also happy for them. I miss those days of not having a care in the world.

UsingChangeofName · 19/06/2023 00:12

Like so many pps, I know loads of people like that, but don't think anything of it. In the same way I don't think anything of the numbers of people I know in their 60s without grandchildren or in their 20s with dc, or of any age who are married or divorced or never married or anything else. I don't really tend to put people in categories.

FunkyBuddha85 · 19/06/2023 00:31

MovieQueen12 · 18/06/2023 21:14

Most people in my opinion feel pity or embarrassed for them.
I find it so odd that I know nobody else in my position. I have a lot of people I associate with and they are all either married/in a relationship or have kids. It feels lonely sometimes to have nobody like me.

I'm like you. 38, single/no kids. It does feel lonely as I'd love a partner but I never meet a guy I like who likes me back or it's vice versa. I'm not too fussed about having kids. I was desperate to have them in my 20's but as I've gotten older the urge leaves me more and more. I'm just so settled in my ways and I do love the fact that I can do exactly what I want when I want.
I sometimes do feel a bit embarrassed when I'm around friends and family as 99% are shacked up and wonder if they pity me but no one has ever said anything to me, apart from the occasional "are you seeing anyone" etc. but once I'm back home with the remote all to myself and a cheeky wine I feel perfect content.

Underminer · 19/06/2023 00:48

Loads but I don’t think about their marital status as it isn’t my business and I don’t make judgements about it.

TexasTyson · 19/06/2023 00:52

Well, I know me, and I think I’m flippin’ awesome.

but then, I don’t define myself by what other people think.

if someone wants to pity me, they can go ahead. It’s a bit of a waste though, I’m loaded and I can sleep till 5pm if I want.

WollyParton · 19/06/2023 01:02

TexasTyson · 19/06/2023 00:52

Well, I know me, and I think I’m flippin’ awesome.

but then, I don’t define myself by what other people think.

if someone wants to pity me, they can go ahead. It’s a bit of a waste though, I’m loaded and I can sleep till 5pm if I want.

Best comment ever.

JaneSeeMore · 19/06/2023 01:11

Probably at least 20 just in my workplace.

Guess what I think of them? Live and let live. I assume they think the same of my lifestyle too.

Ofcourseididthat · 19/06/2023 01:13

I think that while they might be well meaning, comments about ‘envying’ those who didn’t choose this but had it thrust upon them can be quite hurtful.

I had my child at 40, and my thirties were very lonely as a result as I desperately wanted a family. I may have had all the lie ins I wanted but like anything, when something is your daily life the shine wears off quickly.

Of course I now have a two year old and appreciate the freedom of the old days in a way I didn’t before, but I wouldn’t be without him.

I know some choose to be single, or to be in a couple without children, but if it isn’t a choice it can be a very hard period.

Nepmarthiturn · 19/06/2023 03:45

Strange question given that the median average age of a first time mum is now 32. That means more than half of people have their first child at an older age than that (of those who decide to have children). Many people do not meet their partner and get married until their 30s. So many, many people would be single and have no children in their early 30s but get married or have children of both later in their 30s.

Why would anybody think anything about it? Lots of people decide to do one or both and some don't want to do either. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But it's also not remotely unusual not to have done either by 30 and to do both later, in fact it is the norm to do it later than that, if you do decide to.

It seems a very odd question! Why do you care what people think and why would they think anything about someone else's life?

Catsmere · 19/06/2023 04:22

I know a few women who are a lot older than that (myself among them) and single and childfree and we’re a bloody sight happier than most of the married ones I know.

Phoebo · 19/06/2023 04:40

Really? You don't have a very wide social circle in that case. About half of my friends are childfree (20 or so couples?), and I'm jealous of them! 🤣 They go out all the time, travel alot and are rich like I used to be! I know maybe about 10 single people, of them I feel sorry for three of them as they wanted to get married and have children but it didn't happen for them, but the reason I feel sorry for them is the basically have no life, they live at home and don't seem to have any friends or do anything. The rest of my single, and also childfree friends all seem to be living their best lives. The ones I feel sorry for are the ones who are in unhappy relationships but for some reason don't leave. I don't think less of anyone though, we all make our own choices.

readingismycardio · 19/06/2023 05:31

TexasTyson · 19/06/2023 00:52

Well, I know me, and I think I’m flippin’ awesome.

but then, I don’t define myself by what other people think.

if someone wants to pity me, they can go ahead. It’s a bit of a waste though, I’m loaded and I can sleep till 5pm if I want.

Can I be your friend? 😂

I am 30 and childfree (not by choice, had a miscarriage last year), but DH and I are living our best lives. We earn more than enough, we go on 2-3 city breaks and 2 exotic holidays/year, we have a few, but close friends and my parents who live super close and we have an amazing relationship with them. We have a beautiful and clean home.

We would love to have a baby, but if that doesn't happen we'll be just fine.

If someone feels pity, their problem.

We have a lot of friends who don't want dc, though.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread