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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting parents to sell home

141 replies

bctf123 · 18/06/2023 10:13

I think this is a topic that splits many people down the middle.
My parents house is worth about 400k when the average in the area is 200k or less. Over the years it's needed a lot of maintenance and cost a lot in renovation. Now they need to extend the bungalow for space. The roof needs doing and lots of other things around the house which would in total add upto around 100k

I just feel it's a complete waste of money and hassle. They can't keep the house clean. The large garden is now concreted and used for an annual bbq only and I think it's all just a status symbol
By freeing up 200k for a ready to move in house I feel like it would ease the financial situation, allow for a reduction in working hours and would allow an investment in property or to help their children with a loan

I know all parents think differently so interested to know how people fall on this?
From afar it can look like children begrudging parents their freedom...or maybe not?

OP posts:
FishIsForCatsNotDogs · 18/06/2023 13:07

I think this is a topic that splits many people down the middle.

Not on this thread it hasn't.

cuckyplunt · 18/06/2023 13:10

We’re about to have a five bedroom, three bathroom “empty” nest. This is our home, we have invested so much in it financially and emotionally, I cannot imagine going anywhere until we are absolutely forced to.

HRTeatime · 18/06/2023 13:24

Hugely unreasonable and entitled op. Your poor parents.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 18/06/2023 13:26

Yanbu but in my experience they won't listen
Daily had a bungalow on a massive plot they bought in the 1960s.
They had so little income they qualified for pension top up and council tax benefit.
They could have easily bought a much nicer bungalow and had £200k in the bank.
But they would never actually make that decision. They were grownups and it was up to them.....

WonderingWanda · 18/06/2023 13:27

It might make more sense but if they have capacity then surely it's entirely up to them what they do? People often don't wish to downsize and admit things are getting too much for them. All you can do is support them in their choices.

brunettemic · 18/06/2023 13:29

Your entire question is centred around how it will help you. If they’re happy there they can do what they want. Unbelievably selfish.

Throwawayme · 18/06/2023 13:29

No. You just want a loan. Their home is theirs and id never dream of asking my parents to do this

SleepingStandingUp · 18/06/2023 13:35

By freeing up 200k for a ready to move in house I feel like it would ease the financial situation, allow for a reduction in working hours and would allow an investment in property or to help their children with a loan
So they're both in work but unable to maintain the property or use the garden? Are they working a low wage job as you think they need to aid their financial situation?
They already have an investment in a property surely as you're suggesting this one is paid for if it would free up 200k.

You're entire to an opinion, you're not entitled to their money and shouldn't be pushing them to sell to get your hands o ntbe cash

HauntedPencil · 18/06/2023 13:42

If you are saying they can't afford the upkeep there is some sense in selling and using the money for their retirements and to have a well cared for home - but that's definitely what they should be doing rather than loaning money away.

You do sound like this is from eyeing up equity rather than genuine concern!

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/06/2023 13:42

LegendsBeyond · Today 11:59
It’s none of your business. You’re after a loan are you?”

I suspect a “loan” isn’t exactly what OP has in mind ……

BeyondAnything · 18/06/2023 13:46

or to help their children with a loan

😂😂😂

Sort your own finances out and keep out of your parents business.

changeyerheadworzel · 18/06/2023 13:58

GREEDY Girl!

AlwaysGinPlease · 18/06/2023 13:59

Wow. Your poor parents. What a greedy little grifter! Earn your own money.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 18/06/2023 13:59

OP, if you can afford to pay back a ‘loan’ to your parents why can’t you use that to save for a house? Unless of course it isn’t a ‘loan’ that you want but a handout.

I think you should totally float this idea to them they should know what a scheming greedy thing you are.

doorlily · 18/06/2023 13:59

YABVVU

Folklore9074 · 18/06/2023 14:09

People are really fixating on one sentence in your post OP!

On the face of it I think you're right. Big house, two older people who can't/don't want to really look after it anymore, putting more and more money, time and effort into it. Makes sense to me to downsize, whatever they do with their money.

But people do get attached to their homes, feel secure in them despite its faults, have a huge sense of inertia about their lives, or just can't mentally face the whole process of moving.

Unless they actively seek your opinion on this or lose capacity its their business not yours.

Mercurial123 · 18/06/2023 18:14

Folklore9074 · 18/06/2023 14:09

People are really fixating on one sentence in your post OP!

On the face of it I think you're right. Big house, two older people who can't/don't want to really look after it anymore, putting more and more money, time and effort into it. Makes sense to me to downsize, whatever they do with their money.

But people do get attached to their homes, feel secure in them despite its faults, have a huge sense of inertia about their lives, or just can't mentally face the whole process of moving.

Unless they actively seek your opinion on this or lose capacity its their business not yours.

Yes, but it's the most telling sentence isn't it? The OP stuck it at the end for a reason.

Lilybetsey · 19/06/2023 11:56

I'm the parent in this situation (almost) although my youngest is 18.

In a few years, when all my children have left home I will want to downsize from my 4 bed home and move somewhere else , I think. And if I do, and if I have enough money left over, I hope I will be able to gift each of my children some money to help them along.

BUT I would take a very dim view of them trying to force me to move, or expecting that I will, or even expecting a hand out... I would like to do it, but I will make sure I am adequately provided for first ...

Take a look at yourself - your motivations are entirely selfish ... it's not a particularly edifying character trait ...

Hyppogriff · 19/06/2023 11:57

‘Or to help their children with a loan’ lol

ButterflyCharm · 19/06/2023 12:36

If at any time I think my DS is surreptitiously trying to manipulate me for financial advantage my entire opinion of him would hit rock bottom.

5foot5 · 19/06/2023 13:08

cuckyplunt · 18/06/2023 13:10

We’re about to have a five bedroom, three bathroom “empty” nest. This is our home, we have invested so much in it financially and emotionally, I cannot imagine going anywhere until we are absolutely forced to.

I could have written this myself, though with one less bedroom.

I find it hard to envisage a situation where I would want to live anywhere else. Even if we ever get to the stage where we need to consider stair lifts or whatever. Though hopefully that is a long way off.

WonderDays · 19/06/2023 13:13

I have worked as home care assistant most of my adult life and the vast majority of people I’ve visited do have a higher quality of life in the smaller and easier to maintain properties.
I have seen so many people in bigger houses that are cold or need work doing on them plus even in the nicer big houses the occupants seem to live in one or two rooms.
The occupants seem a lot more relaxed and happy in the smaller cosy homes.

JaukiVexnoydi · 19/06/2023 13:29

YANBU to encourage parents to ensure that their living situation is reasonably future-proof, but if they want to achieve that by making appropriate adaptions to their existing home that is valid and none of your business.

Once people are in their 70s it is important to think ahead to what life might be like in their 90s and beyond, and if the house they've lived in for the last 20-50 years is going to be difficult to navigate in a wheelchair, or in any other way is going to become unsuitable when they start getting frail, then most certainly moving to a more appropriate place is the wise and responsible thing to do, and should be done sooner rather than later.

However, YABVVVVVVVVU to have your greedy eye on what they might do with the released equity. Going immediately to how they might use it to help you out, makes everything else you might say to them on the subject seem highly suspicious, and if they have got wind that this is your motivation it's going to make it more difficult for them to do the sensible thing. If they decide to spend all the released equity on an amazing world cruise then that is entirely OK and none of your business.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/06/2023 14:12

They are still working! If they did decide to sell and they had any sense the profits would go towards pensions/enjoying their retirement.
I hope you are as transparent in RL as you are on MN for your parents sake.

Sarahtm35 · 19/06/2023 14:15

Yeah I think they should sell it, buy a cheaper property and then buy another property as a holiday home to enjoy their retirement in.
but I definitely don’t think they should be giving loans to anyone.