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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell DS 16 how much PIP money he is entitled to?

69 replies

RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:08

DS 16 has recently been awarded higher rate of PIP in the transition from DLA - it’s over £100 per week.

DH says we shouldn’t tell him the amount of money as he will waste the money on buying sweets and general rubbish. He’s probably right, DS doesn’t have a great sense of money and we are trying to teach him about budgeting.

He currently has £25 a week pocket money and is going to college in September when we’ll increase it to £50 per week.

we don’t spend his money on ourselves we either put it away for him or use it for things he needs such as clothing and shoes, but I feel a bit bad that we are keeping it from him?

I’m not sure if this is the right decision- it’s probably sensible but I just feel bad as I don’t like having secrets. DS is very intelligent despite his disability and I’m worried that of course one day he’ll find out he was entitled to that money and we didn’t tell him and he’ll resent it.

once he’s 18 we will of course give him the full amount. Is this the right decision?

OP posts:
FatGirlSwim · 18/06/2023 09:14

Has he asked? Presumably you are his appointee? And he will have needed to agree to that, so he knows he gets pip.

You’re his appointee for a reason. As long as you’re using the money for his benefit, you are doing the right thing. Doesn’t matter if he’s 18 or not. Do what’s appropriate for your ds and his needs.

FatGirlSwim · 18/06/2023 09:16

It’s not that he isn’t getting that money. You are managing it for him, not withholding it.

I’m interested as to why it’s an ‘of course’ that you’ll give the full amount directly to him at 18.

ThisHeatIsKillingMeOff · 18/06/2023 09:16

You're his appointee for a reason. My son is on DLA and will most likely be on pip as he has a learning disability we will be doing the same as you when he turns 16.
You could always give him £50 a week and put £25 or so aside in savings for him and spend the rest on what he needs for his disability if you feel bad.

flagpie · 18/06/2023 09:18

You say he is intelligent despite his disability and that you will give him the full amount when he is 18, which leads me to consider you may not be his official appointee?

You also say you are worried he will find out in day he was entitled to it, it surely you would save it for him?

flagpie · 18/06/2023 09:19

Posted too soon.

If not saving it for him then using it for him which you can discuss with him.

I see no reason to be secretive

Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:19

FatGirlSwim · 18/06/2023 09:16

It’s not that he isn’t getting that money. You are managing it for him, not withholding it.

I’m interested as to why it’s an ‘of course’ that you’ll give the full amount directly to him at 18.

‘Of course’ because he’s legally an adult at 18 and would have left college. By that time he will be old enough and capable in my opinion of managing over £100 per week

OP posts:
flagpie · 18/06/2023 09:20

If you think he is able to manage his money in 2 years there is no reason not to be upfront with him about it now. That's how they learn.

Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:20

flagpie · 18/06/2023 09:18

You say he is intelligent despite his disability and that you will give him the full amount when he is 18, which leads me to consider you may not be his official appointee?

You also say you are worried he will find out in day he was entitled to it, it surely you would save it for him?

His Dad is his appointee (my choice) he’s much better at handling queries and dealing with people and forms

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 18/06/2023 09:20

If he cognitively able to choose for himself then stop buying clothes etc for him and let him manage the money to choose his own clothes from now on under a budget
If he is intelligent he can easily google the amount anyway
Will he have p a s at college? Will he manage his day to day ?

x2boys · 18/06/2023 09:21

As his appointee you can use PIP,in any way that benefits your.son
Just bear,in mind,that if you save it for him it may affect any other benefits he might be able to claim in his own right.

flagpie · 18/06/2023 09:22

If he needs an appointee because he cannot manage these things it's unlikely he will be able to manage simply because he turns 18 though.

cestlavielife · 18/06/2023 09:23

He wont suddenly change at 18...
Start teaching him now eg around choosing buying clothes and other personal things. Teach what things cost.

Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:24

ThisHeatIsKillingMeOff · 18/06/2023 09:16

You're his appointee for a reason. My son is on DLA and will most likely be on pip as he has a learning disability we will be doing the same as you when he turns 16.
You could always give him £50 a week and put £25 or so aside in savings for him and spend the rest on what he needs for his disability if you feel bad.

Yes I agree, that sounds sensible, it’s the secrecy I don’t like. DH thinks it will cause problems for him not understanding why it’s not a good idea right now to receive the full amount and he might not accept it. He’ll keep bringing it up and cause animosity, but I just don’t like keeping things from my children. I want to be honest about everything but I’m not sure in this case it will be the right decision.

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 18/06/2023 09:25
  1. the money, at this stage is to help with additional costs he faces as a disbaled person. If you are covering these costs, you should be deducting that from the amount saved/ given to him.
  2. as he will very soon (next 2 years) have full control AND responsibility for looking after himself and his PIP payments, it is wise to start a transition process - explaining what costs he has/ incurs and getting him to think about how he budgets (and asking him if he needs help with that - which he more than likely will).
  3. I think he should be aware of the level of the award, but that doesn't mean you need to go into costs breakdowns now. I think you need to explain why he gets that level of award, and how that money can help him.
  4. To do that, I would note down the additional costs you know he will face as a disabled person, so he is aware of how to factor that into budget. You say he has the higher rate? If that for both mobility and daily living? Have you discussed motability and getting a car when he is old enough? Or is that not something feasible for him?

Essentially, you should be having conversations with him. But that doesn't mean everything has to be saved/ spent as pocket money on sweets etc. This is a benefit to help support him.

Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:27

cestlavielife · 18/06/2023 09:23

He wont suddenly change at 18...
Start teaching him now eg around choosing buying clothes and other personal things. Teach what things cost.

We do, sometimes he gets it, sometimes he doesn’t. He also often loses things and we worry he’ll go shopping with £100 and just lose it which of course we’d (him in particular) will be gutted about. He also gives money away to his friends to buy things and will often pay for them to go to the cinema etc.

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 18/06/2023 09:28

x2boys · 18/06/2023 09:21

As his appointee you can use PIP,in any way that benefits your.son
Just bear,in mind,that if you save it for him it may affect any other benefits he might be able to claim in his own right.

This. If he has more than £6k saved, that will impact UC or other benefits when he turns 18, if he needs to claim them.

Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:31

EsmeSusanOgg · 18/06/2023 09:25

  1. the money, at this stage is to help with additional costs he faces as a disbaled person. If you are covering these costs, you should be deducting that from the amount saved/ given to him.
  2. as he will very soon (next 2 years) have full control AND responsibility for looking after himself and his PIP payments, it is wise to start a transition process - explaining what costs he has/ incurs and getting him to think about how he budgets (and asking him if he needs help with that - which he more than likely will).
  3. I think he should be aware of the level of the award, but that doesn't mean you need to go into costs breakdowns now. I think you need to explain why he gets that level of award, and how that money can help him.
  4. To do that, I would note down the additional costs you know he will face as a disabled person, so he is aware of how to factor that into budget. You say he has the higher rate? If that for both mobility and daily living? Have you discussed motability and getting a car when he is old enough? Or is that not something feasible for him?

Essentially, you should be having conversations with him. But that doesn't mean everything has to be saved/ spent as pocket money on sweets etc. This is a benefit to help support him.

I agree, we have plenty of conversations. Sometimes he’s very receptive and other times he will ask us for money which we give him. Sometimes he’s sensible and shows maturity with saving and budgeting, other times we find out he’s given some of it away, either to a friend or he will give money to a homeless person if he sees one. This is of course very generous which we commend him for, I guess the problem is he’s quite unpredictable

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 18/06/2023 09:31

@RebeccaMillett also, is he/ you claiming everything else you can for his disbaility? You mention the cinema? Does he has a CEA card? Does he have a disabled rail card for travel? Does he have an access card/ various other schemes for theme parks? Does he have a blue badge? Have you claimed all available council tax reductions?

I highly recommend looking at Turn2Us and other sites to ensure he is getting everything that can help him.

Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:33

EsmeSusanOgg · 18/06/2023 09:31

@RebeccaMillett also, is he/ you claiming everything else you can for his disbaility? You mention the cinema? Does he has a CEA card? Does he have a disabled rail card for travel? Does he have an access card/ various other schemes for theme parks? Does he have a blue badge? Have you claimed all available council tax reductions?

I highly recommend looking at Turn2Us and other sites to ensure he is getting everything that can help him.

Thank you, he has a blue badge and a free bus pass.

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 18/06/2023 09:39

@RebeccaMillett it sounds like he can be quite vulnerable, and people will take advantage of that.

Does he have a bank account (without overdraft?) It might be worth setting him up with that. There are some accounts where you can also be on, to help him manage money. It is worth talking to different banks about this. I'd be looking at any techniques you can to help budget/ funnel things away for payments that NEED to be made, whilst having some 'fun' money available. Some accounts allow you to create pots now, so you can allocate a regular amount of money to buying new clothes, with other money going to driving lessons and so on?

Also, if he likes the cinema for example, would it make more sense to get him / for him to sign up for a cinema card? And and a CEA card. That way, he can go to the cinema and take 1 person in for free with him (being able to be generous) without spending all his money on others?

Also keeping an eye on those 'friends' who will take advantage. Do not commend him for giving away money he cannot afford to give away to homeless people and others (I used to do this... And then not be able to afford to eat). Get him to look at better ways to help those in need, through charities/ volunteering etc. Being generous is great, but it does not work if it leaves you without and then you need help from others. It is not an easy lesson to learn though!

Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:39

cestlavielife · 18/06/2023 09:20

If he cognitively able to choose for himself then stop buying clothes etc for him and let him manage the money to choose his own clothes from now on under a budget
If he is intelligent he can easily google the amount anyway
Will he have p a s at college? Will he manage his day to day ?

He does sometimes buy his own clothes- last time he came home with a fluorescent gilet, some fluffy slippers and a straw hat (I did try not to laugh when he excitedly showed me his purchases).

He has a lot of support at college. We have have had many meetings with his course leader who seems brilliant and he has been able to see all the classrooms and college layout from several visits we’ve made. Only thing is he’s not allowed to leave site during the lunch hour, I totally understand this but he is adamant he wants to go out to Greggs 😁

OP posts:
Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:44

EsmeSusanOgg · 18/06/2023 09:39

@RebeccaMillett it sounds like he can be quite vulnerable, and people will take advantage of that.

Does he have a bank account (without overdraft?) It might be worth setting him up with that. There are some accounts where you can also be on, to help him manage money. It is worth talking to different banks about this. I'd be looking at any techniques you can to help budget/ funnel things away for payments that NEED to be made, whilst having some 'fun' money available. Some accounts allow you to create pots now, so you can allocate a regular amount of money to buying new clothes, with other money going to driving lessons and so on?

Also, if he likes the cinema for example, would it make more sense to get him / for him to sign up for a cinema card? And and a CEA card. That way, he can go to the cinema and take 1 person in for free with him (being able to be generous) without spending all his money on others?

Also keeping an eye on those 'friends' who will take advantage. Do not commend him for giving away money he cannot afford to give away to homeless people and others (I used to do this... And then not be able to afford to eat). Get him to look at better ways to help those in need, through charities/ volunteering etc. Being generous is great, but it does not work if it leaves you without and then you need help from others. It is not an easy lesson to learn though!

Yes I worry about his vulnerability as well. To be fair his friends are also in the same boat and I think they are equally as ‘generous’ with him so I don’t mind too much, they are all lovely boys who are frequently at our house.

He loves helping others and is exceptionally generous which I’m very proud of. He just took his last exam at school this week and he was asked if he would mind coming in to school for the rest of term as a volunteer to help with running errands and generally helping other children. I’ve never seen him so enthusiastic to get to school 😂 he loves it.

OP posts:
Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:45

he does have his own bank account so he can buy games online and use his card to book cinema tickets

OP posts:
MySugarBabyLove · 18/06/2023 09:45

DS is very intelligent despite his disability You lost me there. And this is why the disabled have a hard time, because it has to be said that they’re inteligent despite a disability.

While I know that there are some learning disabilities which mean the person has limited capacity, assuming your DS is at college, is going to be assumed to be leading a normal life when he leaves college at eighteen, there is no reason why he can’t know about PIP and what it’s for.

What kinds of extra costs are associated with his disability? Because that’s what you should be telling him. PIP isn’t extra pocket money, PIP is there to cover the added costs of disability, and at sixteen he should be starting to become aware that certain things about his disability means he will need to spend more and that is what PIP is for.

You need to start explaining this to him. Not saying “here’s £400, fill yer boots,” but saying “well, you can get this taxi because that is what PIP is for, or this adapted computer or whatever other additional costs you’re having to incur because of his disability.

If you just start giving him all the money at 18 he’s never going to learn to budget, he needs to start gaining an understanding of money now. So that’ he’s in a position to budget.

And assuming he doesn’t have a disability which limits his capacity, he will be taking care of himself at 18, and the PIP should be going directly to him anyway.

Original poster
RebeccaMillett · 18/06/2023 09:47

MySugarBabyLove · 18/06/2023 09:45

DS is very intelligent despite his disability You lost me there. And this is why the disabled have a hard time, because it has to be said that they’re inteligent despite a disability.

While I know that there are some learning disabilities which mean the person has limited capacity, assuming your DS is at college, is going to be assumed to be leading a normal life when he leaves college at eighteen, there is no reason why he can’t know about PIP and what it’s for.

What kinds of extra costs are associated with his disability? Because that’s what you should be telling him. PIP isn’t extra pocket money, PIP is there to cover the added costs of disability, and at sixteen he should be starting to become aware that certain things about his disability means he will need to spend more and that is what PIP is for.

You need to start explaining this to him. Not saying “here’s £400, fill yer boots,” but saying “well, you can get this taxi because that is what PIP is for, or this adapted computer or whatever other additional costs you’re having to incur because of his disability.

If you just start giving him all the money at 18 he’s never going to learn to budget, he needs to start gaining an understanding of money now. So that’ he’s in a position to budget.

And assuming he doesn’t have a disability which limits his capacity, he will be taking care of himself at 18, and the PIP should be going directly to him anyway.

Sorry I think you misunderstood. I wasn’t generalising I was talking specifically about my son. His level of intelligence is relevant to my post

OP posts: