Did she do it on purpose?

[Saammy]

I went out with one of my closest friends around 2 months ago and we got chatting about our next babies. I explained that we were TTC but I felt like stress from my current job isn’t helping and felt like I needed some time away. She stated that she wanted to focus on her career and get a new job first but did also want a second child soon. We’re buying a new build house and she asked whether we should just wait until it’s ready (October time) and try then. Anyway, she’s now pregnant. I’m obviously over the moon for her but I can’t help but feel a little jealously over the fact that she wanted to hold off but has ended up pregnant and can’t help but think she’s done it on purpose. When we were planning my DD, she knew about that and suddenly she fell pregnant at the same time. I felt like this then but I wasn’t bothered as I was also pregnant, we went through our maternity leave together and it was lovely. Our girls are 20 days apart, hers being the older of the two. We’re godmothers to each other’s DD and do spend a lot of time together so AIBU to even think that she’d do it on purpose? 😔 I feel so guilty for even thinking it. My husband says I’m looking into it too much and it’ll happen when it happens. I get that. I get that I need to focus on our family more but I guess it’s just hard.

It seems unlikely.

I get that it’s hard but getting pregnant on purpose just to spite a friend is a bit extreme. I’d say it was unlikely to be the case.

It's unlikely that someone would make major life decisions like having a child to copy their friend.

Also, she might not tell peoples she's actively trying to conceive incase it isn't as straight forward as she would have hoped, she doesn't want to have people asking her constantly if she's pregnant yet.

Why on earth would someone conceive a child to spite a friend honestly!!!

What your saying is someone has gotten pregnant to piss you off!! Really!! Presumably your both grown up women of childbearing age in relationships so why on earth would she not get pregnant

Maybe she doesn't over share about her life and had been ttc for a while with nothing happening so said the old "focusing on my career" route and then it happened!!

Eh? You think she got pregnant because you want to be?

Think about that for a while....

Of course she didn’t.

You’ve really run away with yourself here, best give yourself a shake and forget this whole thing really.

Surely it's more likely that she was trying but was worried it wouldn't happen quickly? So to stop the conversation/questions being asked she said she was waiting for a bit?

She's pregnant because she decided that was what she wanted

Its possible chatting to you may have clarified her thoughts but I'm sure she hasn't done it to spite you or upset you

You are being utterly ridiculous.

It's not all about you Op
your friend is also.allowed to get pregnant .

I'm not sure what you mean by ddid she do it on purpose. Do you mean did she try to get pregnant on purpose over a happy accident? Either is possible? Or do you mean she decided to try sooner than originally planned as you ttc has brought it to the forefront of her thoughts and she enjoyed you sharing mat leave last time and has decided just to go for it and see what happens? Also possible.

Or do you mean she got pregnant to purposely upset you because you were struggling to? This i think is very unlikely. Kindly op i think the stress of work and maybe not conceiving as quickly as you hoped may be clouding your judgement. Hope it happens for you soon.

I don’t think you are being utterly ridiculous, some people are just mean!
She may have decided to try sooner if you are trying - maybe she’d like the same experience of maternity leave as last time? Maybe she’d love all the children to be at school together?

Whatever - I wonder if she copies you in other ways? Is she suffocating? Do you see her over other people? Do you have other friends? If not I would start making some more and widen your friendship circle.

Ive also be drawn in to one of these friendships.

It’s very unlikely she made a huge life changing decision because you want a second one.

I think this is more about your disappointment that it has happened for you yet and you are purring it on her instead.

I think you should take all this capacity for analysis and use it to take a long, hard look at yourself, OP.

This is your close friend, whom you presumably love. Or, if you don’t, ask yourself why you’re friends with her.

I had a similar situation when having my babies. However, said individual had also pressured her other half into proposing when we announced our engagement and also bought a house on the street we had been saving for years to live on. So I think it’s totally possible that she’s done it now following your conversation. Some people are just a bit strange like that. I’m no longer in contact with the person who did this to me as it got progressively more toxic. Possibly, possibly not. You just do you, and move on from the friendship if it’s uncomfortable or competitive.

Kindly: yes, YABU.

You both have a child, you both want a second. People who are TTC cannot plan their pregnancies and often pretend to be chill about it to manage their own expectations.

She didn’t “do this on purpose”. That logic is where crazy lies.

Good luck TTC.

I know someone who got pregnant just because her sil was pregnant! People can be funny creatures so yes, I would say she probably did just want to beat you to it.

I think you're being ridiculous.

Why would you even think one of your closest friends and god mother to your child would do this on purpose?
How far along is she? You only went out 2 months ago it’s likely she could have already been TTC, she could of been trying for a while and didn’t want to mention it as it wasn’t happening quickly (I was the same).

Take step back, breathe, return the focus to yourself.

It sounds like you talk a lot about trying to get pregnant whereas she doesn't and therefore when she announces you are a little bit blindsided?

It's not like you got pregnant the first time and she copied straight after. Because 20 days between babies suggests she had already conceived before you announced your pregnancy?

It also sounds like you were open to advice when talking about potentially not getting pregnant because of stress and she said maybe wait until you are in your new house? Seems like a nice and sensible suggestion instead of just nodding along or changing the subject which she could also have done.

I might have misinterpreted though, hard to say without knowing her.

It seems very unlikely that pregnancy is about you.

What does it matter if her child is a few months older than yours?

How far along is your friend? Is it possible she was already pregnant when you were having that chat & she just didn’t mention it or maybe didn’t know?

It’s entirely possible that the conversation you had brought it to the forefront of her mind & she decided she wanted to conceive soon. Whether she done it on purpose to annoy/spite/beat you no one can know. Maybe she done it on purpose to have those nice times together again?

Next time you see her could you casually mention the fact she was wanting to focus on her career & ask what changed her mind?

i don't think that anyone would get pregnant to be mean as it's hardly an exact science.
my lot are grown up now but with my eldest i was pregnant straight away without trying and my youngest we tried for a year.