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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more backup from Kids Sports Club, Partner, Friends

34 replies

WorkSmarter · 17/06/2023 14:00

I wanted your advice and feedback on this as am questioning my sanity and relationships to their foundations...

So last year, we had an end of daughters sports season party and drinks after at ours.

Mums, Dads & girls team all there in kitchen & garden.

I go into another room to get more drinks and a Dad follows me in and says "I want to put you over the table right now". Totally unexpected. I run out but carry on with the party. I don't know why.
Cut to a few hours later most people have left including man's wife and kids. He outstays his welcome, touches my thigh and tries to kiss me on the mouth. I push him away and shut the door on him.

Weird but it took me a couple of weeks for this to sink in and then decided to tell husband whose initial reaction is "You shouldn't have put yourself in that position" but has since said sorry he was wrong.

Rang head coach who said he didn't know what to do and asked what did I want to happen? Said he had a word with him and that he had been "silly". Feel really disappointed as this totally minimised the situation.

Have totally lost trust in the 1st man who said this (team coach) & 2nd who is the head coach.

Messaged the welfare officer next who said he would check his behaviour at matches (as flagged he gives full body hugs & is very touchy feely with the girls too). After months he got back to say he did not see anything untoward, didn't have a word with coaching team (I said not to as they are his "friends") but nothing has been done and I seriously question him being suitable as a girls team coach as he obviously does not respect women.

Told girls' parents individually what he had said but at the awards last night he & they carried on as if nothing has happened. I would have expected them to give him the cold shoulder but no, accepted drinks from him, chatted and exchanged hugs.

He even sat by my partner who had a word with him but remained sitting by him so it looked to all that he had been forgiven.

Am so disappointed in my partner, kids' parents, the coaches and the club and in my gut feel very strongly like he is not safe round the girls. Absolutely feel sick to my core.

Am I over reacting?
Have I got a vivid imagination?

It's honestly giving me paedo vibes as over the top buying drinks for everyone, volunteering for everything and putting on "nice guy" act,
WWYD?

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 17/06/2023 14:02

Ugh. You are not wrong in feeling let down. What is wrong with people?!

YouJustDoYou · 17/06/2023 14:05

Jesus Christ. That's awful op, what a bunch of dickheads :(

lordloveadog · 17/06/2023 14:05

You are right

YouJustDoYou · 17/06/2023 14:06

What the fuck is WRONG with some men?? Just fuck off and stop perving/forcing themselves over women! For God's sake.

hattyhathat · 17/06/2023 14:07

Your partner at the least should be supporting you. Can you leave?

hattyhathat · 17/06/2023 14:08

Is there a different club your daughter can go to?

Original poster
WorkSmarter · 17/06/2023 14:10

hattyhathat · 17/06/2023 14:08

Is there a different club your daughter can go to?

Yes but why should we move as our "friends" are there? I have done nothing wrong.

Why not him with his tail between his legs??

OP posts:
Original poster
WorkSmarter · 17/06/2023 14:12

Thank you so far. I've had more support from you in 7 mins then from the people I trusted. 😢

OP posts:
Fatat40 · 17/06/2023 14:13

I think to be fair the club staff can't do much of you don't report to police can they? I don't know. I would report him to police for sexual assault and see how that changes things. He shouldn't be a girls coach.

Testina · 17/06/2023 14:13

I would actually leave my husband over this.
He's the second biggest arsehole in this story.
I’m really sorry this is happening to you.

drpet49 · 17/06/2023 14:18

Really? Well he obiovusly isn’t that much of a danger to girls if your not willing to move clubs because of this. Weird.

drpet49 · 17/06/2023 14:19

Fatat40 · 17/06/2023 14:13

I think to be fair the club staff can't do much of you don't report to police can they? I don't know. I would report him to police for sexual assault and see how that changes things. He shouldn't be a girls coach.

Also this. What do you expect the club to do with any formal report to the police?

IhearyouClemFandango · 17/06/2023 14:41

I don't know, what I'm reading here sounds like sleazyarriwd bloke tries ot on with married woman who quite rightly rejects him and then wants nothing to do with him.

Partner's initial reaction was shit.

Not sure what else the club could or should do? Him trying it on with you doesn't necessarily make him a danger, it makes him a sleaze.

ImSidneyFuckingPrescott · 17/06/2023 14:47

What ages are the girls?

He sounds like a dick and I'm sorry it doesn't sound like anyone has given you support. Including your DH who sounds wet.

I'm not sure where saying he gives "pedo vibes" is coming from - not saying you're wrong but letching on a woman and "pedo" are 2 different things.

I do agree that you shouldn't have to move clubs, he is completely in the wrong, however if you genuinely think he's a risk I wouldn't be keeping my daughter there.

Gothambutnotahamster · 17/06/2023 15:24

You shouldn't have to move clubs, however if you genuinely feel he's a threat, then you should move clubs.

I'm not sure what the club can do though unless you report it to the police.

Your DH should definitely have had your back though & I'd be so angry with him in your shoes. Sorry you've gone through this Op.

Redshoeblueshoe · 17/06/2023 15:31

What has the welfare officer done ?
If they have done nothing you should report it to the FA.

Redshoeblueshoe · 17/06/2023 15:33

I don't know why people are saying the club can't do anything. They have a responsibility to the kids. Why do people think the coaches have to have DBS checks ?

Annipeck · 17/06/2023 15:38

Is he the father of another one of the team, or does he have some official position? Because if, as I understand it, he's just a (sleazebag, obviously) parent who made a drunken pass at you at a party you held in your home, then I don't see what you think it has to do with the club in any capacity. Unless I've misunderstood, and he's also a coach?

Annipeck · 17/06/2023 15:39

Redshoeblueshoe · 17/06/2023 15:33

I don't know why people are saying the club can't do anything. They have a responsibility to the kids. Why do people think the coaches have to have DBS checks ?

But he's not a coach, as I read the OP -- he's just another parent...?

hattyhathat · 17/06/2023 15:39

WorkSmarter · 17/06/2023 14:10

Yes but why should we move as our "friends" are there? I have done nothing wrong.

Why not him with his tail between his legs??

Show quote history

Well yeah he should leave but he isn't so I'd protect my daughter

PucketyPuckPuck · 17/06/2023 15:41

He's a creep but seriously...what do you expect the sports club or other parents to do?

Report it to the police.

I've been in charge of a group activity and if a parent approached me to tell me another parent had assaulted them... well I'd suggest they contacted the police and would be as sympathetic as possible but inwardly I'd be a bit confused as to why they were telling me.

Speaking to the other girls' parents just looks like you're gossiping. I'm not surprised you didn't get much back from them tbh.

Original poster
WorkSmarter · 17/06/2023 15:58

He is a parent of one of the girls and is a coach on the same team.

Thanks loads for your different viewpoints xx

OP posts:
Manicpixidreamgirl · 17/06/2023 16:01

I’m sorry this happened to you, he behaved appallingly. Your husband should have been supportive.
You can’t expect the club to do anything - it was a social event not hosted by the club. With regards to the other parents… it is probably a mixture of reactions eg not knowing how to support, keeping up appearances, not wanting to be part of a conflict etc.
If you are thinking about raising your concern about these ‘paedo vibes’ just remember your feelings about him will be based on his actions towards you, not towards any children. Yes, he’s been a vile person but an accusation of that sort can be life destroying.

Manicpixidreamgirl · 17/06/2023 16:02

Oh he’s a coach? Then he’s abused his authority. Report to the police.

Manicpixidreamgirl · 17/06/2023 16:06

Manicpixidreamgirl · 17/06/2023 16:02

Oh he’s a coach? Then he’s abused his authority. Report to the police.

Sorry not the police, the safeguarding body for the organisation