To expect more backup from Kids Sports Club, Partner, Friends

[WorkSmarter]

I wanted your advice and feedback on this as am questioning my sanity and relationships to their foundations...

So last year, we had an end of daughters sports season party and drinks after at ours.

Mums, Dads & girls team all there in kitchen & garden.

I go into another room to get more drinks and a Dad follows me in and says "I want to put you over the table right now". Totally unexpected. I run out but carry on with the party. I don't know why.
Cut to a few hours later most people have left including man's wife and kids. He outstays his welcome, touches my thigh and tries to kiss me on the mouth. I push him away and shut the door on him.

Weird but it took me a couple of weeks for this to sink in and then decided to tell husband whose initial reaction is "You shouldn't have put yourself in that position" but has since said sorry he was wrong.

Rang head coach who said he didn't know what to do and asked what did I want to happen? Said he had a word with him and that he had been "silly". Feel really disappointed as this totally minimised the situation.

Have totally lost trust in the 1st man who said this (team coach) & 2nd who is the head coach.

Messaged the welfare officer next who said he would check his behaviour at matches (as flagged he gives full body hugs & is very touchy feely with the girls too). After months he got back to say he did not see anything untoward, didn't have a word with coaching team (I said not to as they are his "friends") but nothing has been done and I seriously question him being suitable as a girls team coach as he obviously does not respect women.

Told girls' parents individually what he had said but at the awards last night he & they carried on as if nothing has happened. I would have expected them to give him the cold shoulder but no, accepted drinks from him, chatted and exchanged hugs.

He even sat by my partner who had a word with him but remained sitting by him so it looked to all that he had been forgiven.

Am so disappointed in my partner, kids' parents, the coaches and the club and in my gut feel very strongly like he is not safe round the girls. Absolutely feel sick to my core.

Am I over reacting?
Have I got a vivid imagination?

It's honestly giving me paedo vibes as over the top buying drinks for everyone, volunteering for everything and putting on "nice guy" act,
WWYD?

I agree.

OK, you hadn't said he was a coach in your OP. But I think a PP's point holds. He was at a private party, not a club event, not held on club premises, and he made a drunken pass at an adult, not a child member of the team. I understand entirely why you are outraged and upset, but I think there are limits to what the club can do about this. Do you have any evidence he's a threat to the children on the team? How old are the girls?

I think he's a sleeze bag of the lowest order but I wouldn't expect the club to kick him out for making a drunken pass at another adult . Your dh should absolutely have snubbed him though. I think expecting your mutual friends to ghost him is also an over reaction I'm afraid.

It’s tricky as while he’s definitely an icky sleaze I can’t see that he’s done anything illegal at this stage.

Your dh and friends should have been more supportive - I definitely wouldn’t be chumming up to someone who had made an inappropriate pass at a friend - but I’m not sure what the club can do other than have a quiet word and tell him to behave himself in the future.

If you do have genuine concerns about the safety of the children I would definitely make a report to the FA, but I’m not sure what else can be done without evidence. If you really don’t want to move dd - and in your position I would seriously consider it - I’d also make her aware in a very age appropriate way to never be alone with him.

I dont think making a pass at a parent i really a club issue. the welfare officer is there for the children and any vulnerable adults within the club.
I am not sure he has really broken any law either.I mean you didn't say anything to him after the first comment, and when you blew him off when he went to kiss you, he backed off
Making a pass at a grown woman, really does not mean this guy is a paedo

It might be that the others in the group feel they can't ostracise him without at some point giving his wife and daughter a reason why he's suddenly persona non grata; but they are embarrassed to have that conversation. How do you tell a girl that her dad is a sleaze who got drunk & sexually pestered someone? Is the club affiliated to the sport's governing body? Most sports' national associations should have guidance for clubs in dealing with this sort of unacceptable behaviour, and may be able to help you.

Agree with this

I agree with @Annipeck , he's and adult who made a pass at an adult the club have no evidence he's a threat to the children.
You would need to report him to the police for assault and go from there . You can flag it with the FA and I would be removing my DD from the team if I thought for one minute he would act inappropriately with a child.

Can you do a background search on him? Is it Claire's Law?