To think my nephew was rude and unkind

[Vintagejazzing]

My nephew and a friend were trespassing in the grounds of a block of flats near where they live. A resident opened her window and told them it was private property and they couldn't hang around there. Apparently she had very sparse hair and they immediately started jeering at her, calling her baldy, saying she needed to brush her hair etc. A friend of my sister saw the incident and said it was obvious the women had some kind of medical condition or was undergoing chemotherapy. My nephew is fifteen and really should have known better.

My sister was defending her son, saying the friend had implied he was being unkind etc and it was unfair. I said I thought his behaviour was a disgrace and she should be ashamed.
She's now not talking to me. AIBU to think she should be having words with her son. God knows what distress he's caused that poor woman with his rude thoughtless comments.

It sounds like she just doesn't want her child written off forever as a really terrible person, which is understandable as a mother.

However she should also be taking it seriously and talking to her son about how bad it was, if she believes he really doesn't realise.

Agree with @Fairymother it does depend if the person was aggressive and rude.
That doesn’t mean they can call them out on their appearance of course!!
However they may have incited aggression by being aggressive themselves.
Nevertheless children should be taught to rise above aggressive behaviour and be the better person.

I would be trying to distance my child from the nephew in that situation. He is clearly not being given any boundaries by your sister and things will only escalate from trespassing and abusing the unwell.

It’s not normal for well raised 15 year olds to do this. At all.

I'd go further than you have and start ad libbing grooming tips next time you see him. "You need to get a proper wash, you minger", "Pull your trousers up you look stupid" etc 😂

Trespassing and shouting insults at person who pulled him up on it? Yes, her son's behaved disgustingly, but as she's the one who raised him (and evidently not done a brilliant job of it), it's not surprising that she didn't appreciate you pointing it out. I'd let things cool off for a while.

Everyones on at him -who? the person who told him not to trespass well yeah its private property

its disgusting what he said-there was a thread on here not long ago about kids tormenting someone who had chemo about her hair -theres just no excuse

Absolutely this
Time for him to grow up and apologise

@CheshireCat1
"being his Mum it’s probably instinct to defend him in front of others"
I find this genuinely fascinating. I would have thought the other way around was more typical, and that parents would be happy to be seen publicly denouncing such behaviour, expressing that the behaviour was shameful, making sure people know he would be sanctioned etc.
I didn't think anybody would want to be seen defending such behaviour - particularly in their own children.
Am I missing something?

This is really upsetting. It's reminded me of this:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6004421/Police-probe-teenage-yobs-covered-disabled-woman-flour-eggs.html

Where did I say she was elderly? Also I've seen middle aged and young adults be very rude to teenagers. You sound very ageist.

Anyhow apparently she told them the grounds were private and for residents only. They totally ignored her, so she told them she'd call security if they didn't leave. At this stage they started abusing her. My sister's friend was dropping shopping off for someone and intervened at which stage they legged it.

My DC went to a local town and a pair of teenagers started abusing one of my DC because they use a wheelchair. They didn't say anything to these boys. The boys followed them all the way back to the car. Fortunately my DC had the sense not to engage with them. Teens are more than capable of being rude even to people who haven't said a word to them so excusing this type of ableism with 'well she was old and probably rude' is just so much annoying ageist claptrap.

The people who dragged up those boys are probably similar to your sister. Your nephew is just voicing the opinions he has no doubt heard from her when she has come across people with thinning hair, facial deformities, or visible disabilities. You should be glad she is giving you a swerve as you surely don't want that around your child.

I just projected the elderly i guess because my friends children got yelled at the other day just for standing near a door kind of blocking it. They werent asked to move, they got yelled at and abused immediately.
Thats why i guess i just assumed.
The age doesnt matter, if you are rude then people might be rude back. If she wasnt rude, then the teenager was horrible. If she was rude first, teenager was still horrible, but i would totally understand why.

Why are you still banging on about rudeness? She wasn’t rude to them, the teens were little shits.

That is true. Cancer is covered under the protected characteristic of disability.

Your sister is raising scum and her reaction is a contributer to why he is this way.

He is a disgrace and so is your sister.

I would be mortified that a family member would defend the completely indefensible.

That poor woman.

Your nephew is well on his way to being a right little thug.

I am not impressed with adults calling children, even 15 years old behaving badly, scum.

He sounds thoroughly unpleasant, your sister is being defensive because she’s embarrassed most likely. It’s not the approach I’d take with my child but I am quite strict and you say your sister is not.

I feel very sorry for the woman who was verbally abused though, how awful for her.

I am having a bit of an issue with a neighbour. He is clearly a pompous arse who is sexist - and just expects me to do exactly what he says.

he has clearly been complaining. About me because his teenage son drove very slowly passed my house with his mates who hung out the windows and barked at me.

a thoroughly unpleasant man raising a thoroughly unpleasant son.

your nephew is unpleasant - nasty even. It’s probably too late to install values and morals. He will grow up to be the office bully, the nasty man making comments to random women on the street.

your sister clearly doesn’t care about his character.

Yes, but, hopefully, in private, the mother would have verbally torn the arse out of him.

If not, then, yes, teenage scum, grows into adult scum.🙄

Your nephew sounds like a total shit and your sister, a moron. Fuck sake.

YaNBU your nephew behaved in a disgusting manner and I would be mortified if it were my son.

He is 15, not a baby. He should know that making personal and unkind comments about someone's appearance is completely unacceptable.

I hope the lady reports it to the police tbh.

This a failure of parenting. If this is a glimpse into her parenting, your nephew is going to have a hard life.

Well brought up children do not behave like this. Utter trash.

This.

I'm no longer friends with someone I was once extremely close to because I couldn't stand by and watch her excuse every wrong thing her DDs did.

It became embarrassing to be seen in public with them because they didn't see anything wrong with laughing at someone or even just pointing someone else out because they weren't white

She couldn't see any relation to the fact neither kid could settle in a secondary school without being in constant trouble and kept moving them rather than dealing with their behaviour.