Dd constantly ruining plans

[BorisJohnsonsMissingComb]

I don't mean that to sound as awful as it does. Dd 14 months has had endless illnesses since starting nursery and her sleep is all over the place. She sleeps so badly that it's affecting her during the day - she's always grumpy and sometimes won't even eat through tiredness.

My older dc is 12 and is home this weekend (goes to his dads EOW) and id hoped that we'd all go swimming and to the park as it's a nice day. Last night I was up multiple times with dd who had diarrhoea. We're all exhausted and obviously can't go swimming now she's got diarrhoea. I feel guilty towards ds who I'm very aware isn't going to want to do family stuff at the weekend for much longer.

Dd is knackered but not poorly to the point that she doesn't need entertaining. She's currently climbing all over me crying while ds is on his PlayStation.

I just feel like there have been so many weekends where our plans have had to change and i get that unpredictability is part and parcel of life with kids but I can't help feeling gutted and guilty towards ds. And just sick of spending every day at home with a sick or overtired baby crying at me :-(

That’s a tricky age gap to manage.

it does get better. You’re not that long away from the little one getting fewer bugs, hopefully.

Are you a single parent or do you have a partner who could take DS at the weekend?

Take DS out I mean

Can DDs dad look after her while you go out with DS? There’s no reason why you shouldn’t still manage some quality time with your son when your daughter presumably has another competent parent who can step in.

It is exhausting with unwell little ones and you do have to accept times when plans are cancelled.

What role does DD’s dad play?

Do you have to go all together or can you take DS on your own?

Is your daughter's dad around this weekend so you can leave her with him and then take your son out somewhere?

Why dont you get a deliveroo of some snacks and let DS pick a movie?

Leave your daughter with her dad and take your son out. When you go on to have other kids with someone new whilst you already have an older child, you do still need to make sure your older child get attention and time with you and isn’t totally pushed aside for the new baby. Doing stuff altogether is great of course; but he is so much older so you need to make time for just him too.

Dd dad (my dh) is competent and will look after her but then I get the guilt of leaving a sick baby. I know her dad can look after her but when she's unwell she only really wants me.

But yeah I guess ds and I could do something together later. I find it exhausting trying to plan things to suit us all and then when I think I've finally got a plan it all gets shot to shit.

Ds would happily sit on his console all day but I can't allow that either.

I think if you have plans to go swimming but you choose to cancel it anc all stay home when your daughters dad is home and happy to stay with her then that’s not great for your son to see you put her first.
You don’t have your son every weekend…leave the toddler with her dad. You and your son go swimming as planned.

She'll be fine with her dad. Do something with your son that you couldn't usually do with a toddler with you.

Leave her with her dad and take your son swimming.

Take your ds out, leave baby at home with dad. Nothing to feel guilty about

Well tough. She has 2 parents to look after her. Your DS only lives with 1 of his.

I agree with the others. Leave DD with her dad and go do something age appropriate with DS.

You have another competent parent. She won’t start wanting you less if you don’t let him look after her and develop their bond. You are also right about ds not wanting to do stuff with you for much longer. It would be nice to have some one on one time without a toddler in tow anyway.

@BorisJohnsonsMissingComb

Leave her with her competent dad and take your son swimming and then maybe a cafe stop.

The time does go so quickly and i would feel more guilty not doing something with the 12 year old than I would leaving the toddler with their other parent.

There's two of you so the load should be shared.

This, go and take DS swimming.

DD can't go in the pool but why not get DS to pick a friend and they can go in together instead. DS doesn't need to miss out completely if DDs dad can't have her.

Leave poorly dd with her dad and get out with your son and enjoy some quality time with him. No reason his day has to be stopped because his sister has diarrhoea, I’d feel more guilty about disappointing ds I’d he’d been looking forward to something. Dd is a baby, she’ll get over it.

Why are you repeatedly cancelling activities for your DS when you have a DH who can stay at home with your sick toddler?

I don't think you're being fair at all. You should take DS as promised and your DH can deal with his daughter.

You do have another option you’re just aren’t utilising it. He’s her dad. He can deal. You’ve said she’s not behaving very poorly as she’s climbing all over you. Just leave with DS for a couple of hours. Wait until she naps. No point sitting inside moaning about something that can be changed up.

This.
And know that the repeated illnesses stage should pass reasonably soon. Both of mine had three bad months when they started nursery with repeated colds, stomach bugs, conjunctivitis etc - and then very little after that.

Thanks I'll take ds swimming and have some quality time just us two.

Maybe your DH could take her out in the buggy (if the diarrhea has now stopped?). That might entertain her/help her nap and he won't feel like he's trapped at home.

It doesn't seem like it's the 14mo old baby that's "ruining" anything. That's a really unhealthy projection.