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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My ex keeps making fake social media profiles

37 replies

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:16

For a little bit of context:
I am female (24 years old) and my ex, I’d say more of a situation-ship than an actual relationship is male ( 22 years old). We have known of each other for a good couple of years now however over the past year is when we became a lot more closer.

From the start red flags were waving high and mighty, but I was very very delusional and chose to put his looks over his personality believing that I’d win him around eventually. At first he made it clear that he did not want a relationship, but at the same time he would expect 100% loyalty and commitment. I did not mind this, just as long as I was receiving the complete same back.

That never happened, he would speak to multiple girls and when confronted he would never try to deny it really. He started to become very possessive, demanding that I tell him and show him where I was right there and then when he asked. If I was to say “ No “. He would then proceed to either ignore me hours or days or he would block me for months outright. He would constantly accuse me of being I loyal, accuse me of in being a relationship, he would name call me, calling me names such as a tramp, a bitch and a hoe ect…..
He has also been psychically abusive on a number of occasions, pinching and throwing items at me and pushing me ect…

for months he would tell me he did not want a relationship and how all girls are the same and that he doesn’t trust a soul. Communication with him would be me and him in contact for a few days or weeks and then it would end in me being blocked or ignored for days or even up to months. I have only met him now properly three time, I think the reason for this is because whenever he did leave, he would expect me to just have him back within in hours completely ignoring the fact that I had work commitments.

after the second time of meeting him he began telling me that he wants to now take things further and that he does want me and that he does love me. I stupidly played along and was telling him that I loved him back ect… I can’t remember exactly what happened but he ended up blocked me for around 2 months and during this time I ended up finding out that I was pregnant. I didn’t find out I was pregnant for a month and a half, by the time I found out i really did not know what to do. I spoke to a friend and she told me to speak to him because he deserves a right to know.

I managed to get into contact with him and I explained that I was pregnant, he told me that I was a liar and just ignored me. I booked in for a termination ( no judgment please) the day before the termination he reached out to me, telling me he wants a baby with me and to be a family. Almost begging me to let him come round to mine to talk things over properly. I told him no that I wasn’t meeting him at my house because he clearly only wants one thing which is sex. he denied this he said he wanted to talk so I told him to meet me somewhere like for a coffee. He laughed at this and started to give me abuse, I told him he can’t just keep coming back in every few months and expect me to just jump and do what he wants me to. He didn’t like the fact I was placing boundaries so once again I was blocked.

a few weeks later I was shopping in town with a male friend. My male friend was at the opposite side of the shop and I was at the front of the shop looking at a different department when I heard my name being shouted. I looked around and it was my ex situationship just smiling at me, I instantly felt sick and walked to my friend because I wanted to leave the shop there and then as I felt like I could not breath ( as I was walking away he was shouting “ you with a man yeah” . On the way leaving the shop my ex situationship came up to my friend and I and said to my friend “is this your girl yeah” he started effin and blinding, this caught the shop assistance attention who have came over to try and resolve the issue.

my friend did not really say much, however when he replied to my ex situationship my ex then proceeded to try to attack my friend however thankfully the shop assistant blocked his hand from hitting him. I was so embarrassed and I felt so awful for my friend for what had just happened. My friend seemed okay about the situation but I just felt so awful. A few days later he reached out again, I asked him why he felt the need to do what he had done. He didn’t say a word. He began asking for three days straight to come over to my house. Each time he asked I told him no, I told him if he’s so serious about us then why doesn’t he show me that and actually take me out on a date.

he laughed at that, he said he would never spend money on a girl and was expecting me to be the one to take him out. I told him that I am not giving him access to me unless he actually starts putting in the effort and actually taking me on dates he was asking me to just let him come round. I said no to him again and he said this is my last chance that I’ll never hear from him again and that we will be done for good. I told him that I do not care anymore, which I really don’t I’m past caring now. Since he blocked me the past 2 weeks I’ve been receiving friend requests from very new fake accounts, when I block the accounts by the next day a new one has added me. I received a message request on Facebook about 5 days ago. The account was freshly made, in the bio it said “famous for shooting seagulls (in my home town) & also love a good seagull butty”the profile picture was of an old man clearly or Google and in the cover photo was a line up of dead seagulls. The conversation went like this:
Them: Hi (my name) have u missed me
Me: who is this?
Them: sends me an image of someone walking a seagull on a dog lead.
Them: they took r barrys seagull
Me: oh right
they then either blocked me or deleted the Facebook account. The day later I was unblocked and received a message from them saying “he’s been suicidal since they took it”. I blocked this Facebook account but this keeps happening near enough daily now. It’s not always conversation this is the first time a fake account actually reached out to speak to me. Most the time it’s a friend request, what can I do to stop this from happening? Besides keep blocked each new account that try’s to contact me. It is starting to become quiet strange now to be honest, and if it isn’t him behind it I could not even fathom to think of who would even do something so sad and weird.

( instead of unblocking me of his social media he just makes new accounts and one day he’ll suddenly just appear in my people you may know or friend requests. He must have about 12 Facebook accounts. I have sat and blocked all of his Facebook accounts in his name, yet he’s made a new Facebook account this past month. The strange thing with this account is he’s just sat with 6 friends on this account. This is only weird because usually he would make a Facebook account and sit and add 100,s of girls and be following loads of girls however this isn’t the case. He’s been using the Facebook account because I see him sometimes comment on one of our mutual friends story’s or posts. I just find it all so strange.

OP posts:
EauNeu · 17/06/2023 08:21

on a practical note, you can change your facebook settings so people can't friend request you unless you have a mutual friend - or so that no one can friend request you.

Summerishere123 · 17/06/2023 08:21

Is this real?
If it is you need to ignore any contact with him. You replying is feeding the beast. Get away from this crazy man!

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:24

100% real, I usually block the fake profiles when they do add me on social media but when this one directly reached out to my messages no friend request or anything. I guess I let curiosity get the better of me at this point I didn’t exactly put 2 and 2 together but now I have had chance to sit and think about it I really could not think of who else would go to all this effort.

OP posts:
Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:25

Thankyou, I’ll have a play about with my settings now Is there a way to stop message requests ect…

OP posts:
Pashazade · 17/06/2023 08:25

I'd be concerned this is going to veer into proper stalking, lock down your Facebook and block wherever possible. Check out the Paladin website and if he keeps going I'd consider reporting to the police.
www.paladinservice.co.uk

Tealknittedjumpers · 17/06/2023 08:27

İgnore it completely and don't go on any dates with him, he sounds mentally unwell. Like pp said, stop feeding his drama. He will get bored soon enough and leave you alone.

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:28

FYI… I am away from this man now, I haven’t had any contact with him coming up to 3 months time. I will admit he made me very unwell however instead of sitting around depressed and feeling sorry for my self I decided to love my self again and get my confidence back again and I realised he made it at an ultimate low. I invested in a treadmill and an exercise bike, I now work out twice daily and eat a lot more healthier, I have had an increased dosage of my antidepressants and I am socialising more and even starting to get back out there again. It took me a while to realise it but I deserve so much better than him.

OP posts:
youcandanceifyouwanna · 17/06/2023 08:29

His behaviour is worrying, especially as he has already been physically and verbally abusive to you. Don't engage with him on social media or read any messages from him. You need to cut this one off completely, and if he tries to contact you through other means, keep a record of everything in case you need the information later on for the police.

PaigeMatthews · 17/06/2023 08:29

Dear god op. Just what the hell.

as other have said, block him first of all on all social media. Then make your account private. Make you profile photo private and change your cover photo to one that shows no identifying information.

do not add or even have a conversation with people you do not know. Why would you need to speak to people you do not know?

block him on your phone.

Do not speak to him.

if he contacts you again, contact the police.

PaigeMatthews · 17/06/2023 08:30

Maybe tell your GP as well.

towriteyoumustlive · 17/06/2023 08:30

He sounds mentally deranged.

Make sure your FB profile is set to private and select the option which stops people sending you friend requests and messages.

continentallentil · 17/06/2023 08:31

Change your settings

Don’t engage with this man on any level again, he’s not safe.

You need to take this seriously and stop messing around with him OP.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 17/06/2023 08:31

I didn't even read the whole thing. I'd be collecting evidence and if he continues I'd go to the police. Stop engaging. I never answer messages from people I don't know - you know you don't have to right?

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:32

Thankyou, I have kept all the screen shots of the accounts that are being made ect and keeping it all logged. I’m hoping that gets the message eventually and gos away if it is him.

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 17/06/2023 08:32

Oh and read the gift of fear by Gavin de Becker.

xXiXx · 17/06/2023 08:33

Oh boy, Do your best to ignore his bullshit. Let him spend all day creating new profiles. You don't have to accept requests. Keep your own profile settings a bit more locked down and you won't need to worry, if he's given up work to be a full time social media stalker, let him.

He's trying to manipulate you through obligation and guilt. Why would you feel obligated to be drawn back in to a relationship that isn't committed or faithful. Even if he were capable of being faithful and committed to you, which he isn't, he's manipulative, resentful, insecure, reactionary, impetuous and entitled. Maybe dangerous......... I wouldn't put it to the test tbh. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Well done for seeing through these tricks at such a young age. Tbh, I was still falling for a gentler more covert version of the same bs when I was 44. Like ''I don't want a relationship'' and I heard ''I don't want a relationship but if I did, it'd obviously be with you''. When in fact it really meant ''I do want a relationship but not with you''.

Luckily when I called time on that, he was pissed off but not so crazy.

You don't need to defend yourself against the accusation of being in a relationship to a man who wouldn't commit to you! That's funny. Going forward, when you meet this chancers I'd have a mantra so that your standards emanate. You don't have to announce manifesto style that if you have a relationship, it'll be a committed faithful one with somebody who is certain about you. But i learnt the hard way that you have to believe that at your core for it to be obvious. I did get really turned off by these chancers who say they don't want a relationship while actually being in one. What they mean is ''I want it all my own way, I want a relationship with you but I want to owe you nothing and I want to be free, but you have to answer to me cos I'm insecure''. No thanks. That is a shabby deal for you.

Be up front, say ''yes, I'm looking for a relationship, not necessarily a serious one to begin with but one where we are both certain we want to be faithful to each other''. If a man looks at you like you have notions after you said that, run.

TheHandbag · 17/06/2023 08:38

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Do this online course, it'll teach you to recognise red flags in future relationship sil.

If you do date, spend a long time seeing if you're compatible & have similar values because that'll weed out the weirdos. Don't sleep with anyone for at least one month, this is a good way to find out if they're serious or not.

TheoTheopolis23 · 17/06/2023 08:42

Change your FB settings or set up a new non identifying account and share it with people you want as contacts.

Report to police if he keeps harassing.

He is - like all possessive, "you're mine but I'm not yours", flaky, selfish, "all women are hos" nut jobs; clearly mad as a hatter.

xXiXx · 17/06/2023 08:44

I cannot believe you would go on a date with him if he asked. You're waiting for him to suddenly become a decent human being who values you and he's not a decent human being and he doesn't value you. By waiting around for him to change you're showing him you have no standards. Please GET TURNED OFF.

IF YOU GET TURNED OFF BY THIS APPALLING TREATMENT then you won't have to ''figure things out'' or figure him out, or wait for him to change or hope he'll change, you just walk away and you're free.

I think, sadly, there's a part of you that sees this obsession with viewing your social media as a clue that he's capable of giving you the type of committed faithful focus you want. It's not a clue that he is capable of that. It's a big clue that he is controlling, entitled, sexist, mean, doesn't value women, doesn't value you................ come on, read the signs!

TheHandbag · 17/06/2023 08:45

Also, get yourself some therapy as your priorities are all wrong and you have low self esteem.

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:50

I asked him to go on a date with me because at this point I was pregnant and I wanted to speak to him properly in person about it. He wanted to come to my house which I told him no to. So I asked him to meet me for a coffee which he said no too. I asked him to take me on a date after this happened because I knew full well where I stood with him and I knew he wouldn’t I just needed him to prove my point for me to help me move on. Which is did, it made me realise that I will never mean anything to him and it helped me so much to heal.

OP posts:
Thirty5 · 17/06/2023 08:50

He sounds deranged and I would be worried.
Block all forms of contact and I would delete my Facebook and other social media platforms, at least for now.

I would tell everyone I know what he is doing and ask them not to pass on your contact details in case he asks.

I would also tell the police if there are any more instances, as it’s stalking.

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:52

I don’t have low self esteem, I may of used to especially when me and him first ever got into contact. Most likely the reason why I stuck around for so long and put up with his shit. But trust me I am in a really really good place at the moment. Mentally and pysically I have been to the doctor I have had an increase in my medication, I socialise ALOT more and I am working out and eating ALOT healthier taking care of my body for once instead of neglecting it.

OP posts:
TheHandbag · 17/06/2023 08:52

Why did you get pregnant by someone who is dangerous?

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:54

I have told my friends ect what has happened they just seem to find it funny. My best friend seems to think it’s quiet cute that he’s going to so much effort and even suggested giving him a chance again.

OP posts:
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