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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My ex keeps making fake social media profiles

37 replies

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:16

For a little bit of context:
I am female (24 years old) and my ex, I’d say more of a situation-ship than an actual relationship is male ( 22 years old). We have known of each other for a good couple of years now however over the past year is when we became a lot more closer.

From the start red flags were waving high and mighty, but I was very very delusional and chose to put his looks over his personality believing that I’d win him around eventually. At first he made it clear that he did not want a relationship, but at the same time he would expect 100% loyalty and commitment. I did not mind this, just as long as I was receiving the complete same back.

That never happened, he would speak to multiple girls and when confronted he would never try to deny it really. He started to become very possessive, demanding that I tell him and show him where I was right there and then when he asked. If I was to say “ No “. He would then proceed to either ignore me hours or days or he would block me for months outright. He would constantly accuse me of being I loyal, accuse me of in being a relationship, he would name call me, calling me names such as a tramp, a bitch and a hoe ect…..
He has also been psychically abusive on a number of occasions, pinching and throwing items at me and pushing me ect…

for months he would tell me he did not want a relationship and how all girls are the same and that he doesn’t trust a soul. Communication with him would be me and him in contact for a few days or weeks and then it would end in me being blocked or ignored for days or even up to months. I have only met him now properly three time, I think the reason for this is because whenever he did leave, he would expect me to just have him back within in hours completely ignoring the fact that I had work commitments.

after the second time of meeting him he began telling me that he wants to now take things further and that he does want me and that he does love me. I stupidly played along and was telling him that I loved him back ect… I can’t remember exactly what happened but he ended up blocked me for around 2 months and during this time I ended up finding out that I was pregnant. I didn’t find out I was pregnant for a month and a half, by the time I found out i really did not know what to do. I spoke to a friend and she told me to speak to him because he deserves a right to know.

I managed to get into contact with him and I explained that I was pregnant, he told me that I was a liar and just ignored me. I booked in for a termination ( no judgment please) the day before the termination he reached out to me, telling me he wants a baby with me and to be a family. Almost begging me to let him come round to mine to talk things over properly. I told him no that I wasn’t meeting him at my house because he clearly only wants one thing which is sex. he denied this he said he wanted to talk so I told him to meet me somewhere like for a coffee. He laughed at this and started to give me abuse, I told him he can’t just keep coming back in every few months and expect me to just jump and do what he wants me to. He didn’t like the fact I was placing boundaries so once again I was blocked.

a few weeks later I was shopping in town with a male friend. My male friend was at the opposite side of the shop and I was at the front of the shop looking at a different department when I heard my name being shouted. I looked around and it was my ex situationship just smiling at me, I instantly felt sick and walked to my friend because I wanted to leave the shop there and then as I felt like I could not breath ( as I was walking away he was shouting “ you with a man yeah” . On the way leaving the shop my ex situationship came up to my friend and I and said to my friend “is this your girl yeah” he started effin and blinding, this caught the shop assistance attention who have came over to try and resolve the issue.

my friend did not really say much, however when he replied to my ex situationship my ex then proceeded to try to attack my friend however thankfully the shop assistant blocked his hand from hitting him. I was so embarrassed and I felt so awful for my friend for what had just happened. My friend seemed okay about the situation but I just felt so awful. A few days later he reached out again, I asked him why he felt the need to do what he had done. He didn’t say a word. He began asking for three days straight to come over to my house. Each time he asked I told him no, I told him if he’s so serious about us then why doesn’t he show me that and actually take me out on a date.

he laughed at that, he said he would never spend money on a girl and was expecting me to be the one to take him out. I told him that I am not giving him access to me unless he actually starts putting in the effort and actually taking me on dates he was asking me to just let him come round. I said no to him again and he said this is my last chance that I’ll never hear from him again and that we will be done for good. I told him that I do not care anymore, which I really don’t I’m past caring now. Since he blocked me the past 2 weeks I’ve been receiving friend requests from very new fake accounts, when I block the accounts by the next day a new one has added me. I received a message request on Facebook about 5 days ago. The account was freshly made, in the bio it said “famous for shooting seagulls (in my home town) & also love a good seagull butty”the profile picture was of an old man clearly or Google and in the cover photo was a line up of dead seagulls. The conversation went like this:
Them: Hi (my name) have u missed me
Me: who is this?
Them: sends me an image of someone walking a seagull on a dog lead.
Them: they took r barrys seagull
Me: oh right
they then either blocked me or deleted the Facebook account. The day later I was unblocked and received a message from them saying “he’s been suicidal since they took it”. I blocked this Facebook account but this keeps happening near enough daily now. It’s not always conversation this is the first time a fake account actually reached out to speak to me. Most the time it’s a friend request, what can I do to stop this from happening? Besides keep blocked each new account that try’s to contact me. It is starting to become quiet strange now to be honest, and if it isn’t him behind it I could not even fathom to think of who would even do something so sad and weird.

( instead of unblocking me of his social media he just makes new accounts and one day he’ll suddenly just appear in my people you may know or friend requests. He must have about 12 Facebook accounts. I have sat and blocked all of his Facebook accounts in his name, yet he’s made a new Facebook account this past month. The strange thing with this account is he’s just sat with 6 friends on this account. This is only weird because usually he would make a Facebook account and sit and add 100,s of girls and be following loads of girls however this isn’t the case. He’s been using the Facebook account because I see him sometimes comment on one of our mutual friends story’s or posts. I just find it all so strange.

OP posts:
Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:56

Well I mean I didn’t get pregnant intentionally hence why I ended up deciding to terminate the pregnancy. The pregnancy really wasn’t planned we didn’t sit there and be like right let’s make a baby. Obviously I know how it works and theirs always a risk or pregnancy but we did use condoms, we had sex multiple times so it probably slipped or something god knows

OP posts:
TheHandbag · 17/06/2023 08:57

Your friends sound immature with no self respect. If you're still pregnant, would you want this man around your child because there's a pretty good chance social services would be interested of he was. They need to see you can keep your child safe and all we can see is you following this psycho like a lost puppy.

TheHandbag · 17/06/2023 08:58

Just saw you're no longer pregnant which is just as well considering?

Next time please use condoms and the pill so you're doubly pregnancy. Abortion isn't a contraceptive.

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 09:00

I am not still pregnant so Thankyou very much for your concern. I am not stupid, majority or the reason I chose to terminate the pregnancy is because of him and the way he is. I knew keeping his child would have caused a lot of drama and it would not of been smooth sailing. Because let’s be serious if I was to of had his child, he really would think he has ownership of me and imagine then trying to get him out of my life I’m sure it would be next to impossible.

OP posts:
Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 09:02

Did I say that abortion is contraception? I used condoms which clearly didn’t work and I would follow him like a dog? If I wanted to contact him I would have done months ago. If I really wanted to I could send him a message right now and I know he would reply. But I do not want to communicate with him or want him in my life.

OP posts:
Thirty5 · 17/06/2023 09:09

Take it from someone who is not 24 years old, it isn’t cute and he doesn’t deserve another chance. Your friends need to grow up

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 09:12

To be honest I would never take relationship advice of my friends because their relationships are almost if not more questionable than my situation.

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 17/06/2023 09:17

Well done for actually realising this man is not the one for you. For once someone makes the right choice. There's nothing wrong spending time alone and loving yourself and life for a while. I got out of an abusive relationship followed by stalking etc. Spent 3 years alone building myself up and just enjoying life again. Then hey presto met my now hubby in a supermarket queue lol. 3 days later he proposed and we married 21 days later and now have 4 kids and im such a happy bunny and he treats us all right and loves us as much as we love him. It made me realise how bad the first so called relationship was now im in the right one.

sodthesodoff · 17/06/2023 09:25

I stopped reading when it said he went to hit your friend and you still reached out to him

The guys a psycho but you need to look at your own actions here. The fact you even entertained his behaviour is disturbing.

FarmGirl78 · 17/06/2023 11:04

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:54

I have told my friends ect what has happened they just seem to find it funny. My best friend seems to think it’s quiet cute that he’s going to so much effort and even suggested giving him a chance again.

Does your friend know he was physically abusive to you? If she does you really need new friends.

TheHandbag · 17/06/2023 13:03

It's this love island, social media, generation who have fucked social boundaries and no idea of how normal relationships work.

How dysfunctional are your friends who think violence in a relationship is normal. It's all about looking good and being seen rather than having anything of value to offer.

Step away from them and mix with people from all walks of life to see how people live. You're in a fake social bubble where everyone validates each others choices so it's hard to see what's normal.

xXiXx · 17/06/2023 19:09

Hotsummer88 · 17/06/2023 08:52

I don’t have low self esteem, I may of used to especially when me and him first ever got into contact. Most likely the reason why I stuck around for so long and put up with his shit. But trust me I am in a really really good place at the moment. Mentally and pysically I have been to the doctor I have had an increase in my medication, I socialise ALOT more and I am working out and eating ALOT healthier taking care of my body for once instead of neglecting it.

Self esteem takes longer to fix. Picture a woman you know with a good sense of her self, a woman this type of thing never happens to. That woman would have run for the hills at the first sign of disrespect. She wouldn't have hoped that an obsessive controlling player took her on a date. She'd know that there'd be no point. It'd be acting like a boyfriend but still the Same piece of sh1t, so she walk away without a backward glance. She wouldn't try and tell him where he'd gone wrong either.

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