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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect partner to clean whilst ill

55 replies

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:08

My partner and myself have caught a horrible chest infection. We're both on antibiotics at the moment, however, I've still had to work despite this.

My partner has had wed, Thurs and Friday off work and has done very little housework, it's tip here and I now I'm expected to do this on the weekend whilst I have the kids. The kids have been in school during the week and I'm just annoyed that this has all been left to me.

I'm well aware that this is very petty, but I'm just frustrated and ill as hell and I feel like he could have done more.

Im trying not to say any of this to him because I know it's not nice when you're ill, I'm just annoyed that it all falls on me now.

OP posts:

bibbityboppityboo · 16/06/2023 17:22

Honestly if you're both ill enough to be on antibiotics you're probably both ill enough to not be doing housework (especially in this heat!).

Him being off work (and sick on antibiotics) is a pretty valid excuse to not do housework. If you've had to force yourself into work when very sick, it doesn't mean you both need to suffer.

Why do you need to do the housework this weekend when ill? Can you use the time to recover a bit and then both of you tackle it next week?

Thedogscollar · 16/06/2023 17:24

Why does it all fall on you though??
Is he going to work at the weekend?
Why are you tip toeing around him as in trying not to say anything as its not nice when you're ill🤔
You're ill too, so old matey who's had 3 days off doing sod all whilst you work full time can get his arse into gear and pull his weight.
Sorry OP you sound like your own worst enemy. Stand up for yourself or yeah just say nothing and do it all.

PartyFarty · 16/06/2023 17:25

I wouldnt be doing any cleaning when ill with a chest infection bad enough for antibiotics. It sucks you had to work but the cleaning can wait another few days surely. Just manage the bare minimum

Octonaut4Life · 16/06/2023 17:26

I think you're being unreasonable, if you're both really poorly then wouldn't it be better to leave the cleaning until you're both better?

pinkyredrose · 16/06/2023 17:27

There's no chance I'd be cleaning if i was that ill.

Maddy70 · 16/06/2023 17:27

Neither of you should do it of you're I'll it will keep

Hbh17 · 16/06/2023 17:28

If you're both ill, then nobody needs to do any housework. Just wait until you're both better, and then split it between you. A week or so won't really make much difference.

Youknowaboutthepaint · 16/06/2023 17:28

3 days of sickness in this house and no housework at all would be done, except maybe keeping the dishwasher loaded.

In fact 3 days will often pass with no houseworj, for various reasons. How can it be that bad? Just pick up your usual routine once everyone is well.

hattyhathat · 16/06/2023 17:29

Don't do it at the weekend.

PuffinsRocks · 16/06/2023 17:29

Stop being a martyr and temporarily let your standards go a bit until you're feeling better. Resenting another ill person for not being a martyr doesn't move you forward. Just because you're both on antibiotics doesn't mean you're both the same amount of ill.

WonderfulUsername · 16/06/2023 17:30

The housework will still be there when you're both better.

Riverlee · 16/06/2023 17:30

If you mean clearing up after food, I agree with you.

if you mean cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, etc, then that can wait.

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:33

To be honest, you're all probably right but if we leave the housework now, it's only going to get ten times worse which I will probably end up having to sort out.

We both need rest but with 3 kids it's impossible. I just don't want to be left cleaning up a house that is a bombsite all by myself. I'm very emotional right now, not sure if it's because I'm ill or because of lady week, but I just feel angry that it's all being left to me.

OP posts:

Gowlett · 16/06/2023 17:34

I think she means that he’s not cleaning up after himself / kids. My DH would happily let the place be a pig sty… Leave the cleaning? Honestly, it’s no show home here, but I’m expected to be superwoman as well, and get it all done.

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 16/06/2023 17:34

yoire being unreasonable for using the phrase “lady week”

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:36

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 16/06/2023 17:34

yoire being unreasonable for using the phrase “lady week”

I give you that one 🤣🤣

OP posts:

Undisclosedlocation · 16/06/2023 17:36

yabu to expect anyone (including yourself) to clean while they are ill.

ya(also)bu not to expect BOTH of you to sort it out once you are better.
Quit the martyr act, leave it until you are both better, then sort the whole lot back out as a team.

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:37

Gowlett · 16/06/2023 17:34

It's mainly that when he's all better and has let the whole house go to ruins, I'll be the one picking up the slack and I'm just exhausted.

OP posts:

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/06/2023 17:40

Why don't you say now that next Saturday will be ring-fenced for both of you to catch up on cleaning?

Or make a list and he can pick bits off as soon as he feels well enough.

If he doesn't like it he can pay an agency £20-25 per hr

Hollyppp · 16/06/2023 17:42

What is lady week? Just say period

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/06/2023 17:43

Do the basics together then relax and recover.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/06/2023 17:43

Just say to him right now "you had words thurs and fri to properly rest, so I'm taking Saturday and Sunday. You can see to the kids. They'll need uniforms done ready for monday" and just take yourself off to bed.

hoophoophooray · 16/06/2023 17:46

One of the nails in the coffin of a relationship for me was when he insisted that I get up out of bed and cook as it was my "turn".

it was my turn because I'd spent the last 48 hours vomiting. I cooked, didn't eat any of it, and a little bit more of the love died

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:46

Thanks all, I'll try and focus on us getting better first. Cleaning is one thing I get really sensitive about, no idea why, I just feel worse when my house is like that and the thought of doing it seems unbearable at times.

Also, I've always said lady week, didn't realise it was that offensive, just a habit of mine. Period, lady week or whatever you want to call it doesn't really matter imo 😅

OP posts:

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 16/06/2023 17:49

now I'm expected to do this on the weekend

who is expecting this?

if you'll both be around at the weekend, with the kids, and feeling better, then you divide all the housework equally between you and take it in turns to take the kids out while the other does their share

if you're not feeling better, leave it. You don't have to be the one that picks up the slack. Just ... don't.

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