Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect partner to clean whilst ill

55 replies

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:08

My partner and myself have caught a horrible chest infection. We're both on antibiotics at the moment, however, I've still had to work despite this.

My partner has had wed, Thurs and Friday off work and has done very little housework, it's tip here and I now I'm expected to do this on the weekend whilst I have the kids. The kids have been in school during the week and I'm just annoyed that this has all been left to me.

I'm well aware that this is very petty, but I'm just frustrated and ill as hell and I feel like he could have done more.

Im trying not to say any of this to him because I know it's not nice when you're ill, I'm just annoyed that it all falls on me now.

OP posts:
Youknowaboutthepaint · 16/06/2023 17:50

We had loads of euphemisms for period when I was young, but I've never heard "lady week" before.

porridgeisbae · 16/06/2023 17:50

I don't think it's petty at all when you're ill but he's expecting you to do it.

He might be ill too, but he hasn't had to work like you have when you're ill yourself.

He should've done at least half of it.

Smacks of the tale as old as time of men thinking they can leave it all to women.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 16/06/2023 17:51

Doing housework makes me deeply grumpy. I get the total rage with the house for needing it.

DeathMetalMum · 16/06/2023 17:53

I wouldn't expect anyone to be doing any cleaning if they were ill. Doing the dishes and laundry when required max really. Roping the dc into helping out as much as possible, making sure they tidy up after themselves if they get things out.

porridgeisbae · 16/06/2023 17:55

If you can leave it for you both to do when you're better then of course that's even better.

Original poster
Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:57

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 16/06/2023 17:49

now I'm expected to do this on the weekend

who is expecting this?

if you'll both be around at the weekend, with the kids, and feeling better, then you divide all the housework equally between you and take it in turns to take the kids out while the other does their share

if you're not feeling better, leave it. You don't have to be the one that picks up the slack. Just ... don't.

He's working this weekend, he has made a point of how annoyed he is that the house is messy. He will continue moaning about it until its done.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:58

Youknowaboutthepaint · 16/06/2023 17:50

We had loads of euphemisms for period when I was young, but I've never heard "lady week" before.

Really? It's always what my mum said and I guess it stuck. Apparently it's not a good euphemism 🤣

OP posts:
Outofthepark · 16/06/2023 17:59

Honestly the bad guy here is your employer. There's no way you should be in work. Both you and your DH should be in bed this whole time, recovering.

So you shouldn't be cleaning, your DH shouldn't be cleaning, not until you're both better. Pushing it while you're ill will likely leave at least one of you with a much worse chest infection or pneumonia - then you're out for weeks.

Leave the cleaning and let the house be a mess for a weekend, you need the rest more.

Newcareer2023 · 16/06/2023 18:01

See if you can get a couple of cleaners in to help you as a one off.

Undisclosedlocation · 16/06/2023 18:02

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:57

He's working this weekend, he has made a point of how annoyed he is that the house is messy. He will continue moaning about it until its done.

Show quote history

So you will just do it while ill?
bloody hell OP, stop being such a pushover! Who cares if he moans? If being too unwell is an acceptable reason for him, then it is for you too.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/06/2023 18:03

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:57

He's working this weekend, he has made a point of how annoyed he is that the house is messy. He will continue moaning about it until its done.

Show quote history

So just tell him to "stop complaining and stand up and do it".

Livinghappy · 16/06/2023 18:05

You really should rest if you have had a chest infection as may take longer to get better.

I guess there a few essentials like school clothes and maybe loading dishwasher. If he isn't around due to work can you manage these.

Tell him in advance that you NEED to rest or else it will take longer to get better.

PS never heard lady week but it can make you feel more tired so that will feed through into emotions

LBFseBrom · 16/06/2023 18:08

Octonaut4Life · 16/06/2023 17:26

I think you're being unreasonable, if you're both really poorly then wouldn't it be better to leave the cleaning until you're both better?

That's how I feel about it. As long as he doesn't add to the mess, leave unwashed dishes in sink and the like, why worry?

A good idea would be to get an agency cleaner in to do a blitz cleaning when you are better. It won't break the bank and will be worth it.

Never be a slave to housework, it doesn't end - ever!

continentallentil · 16/06/2023 18:09

Ladee week is hilarious

I understand the fear of letting it get into a total state, but can you jointly do the minimum at the weekend?

Hollyppp · 16/06/2023 18:11

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:58

Really? It's always what my mum said and I guess it stuck. Apparently it's not a good euphemism 🤣

Show quote history

Why do we need euphemisms? Are women that embarrassed of their own bodies? Christ alive

Rainbow1901 · 16/06/2023 18:12

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/06/2023 18:03

So just tell him to "stop complaining and stand up and do it".

Show quote history

I have to agree with this!
He's been home and even if poorly did not need to sit back and let it get worse - kids or no kids!!
He's not at work now so he needs to get moving and sort some of the mess out (it's pretty much all his detritus - I'll bet) before going off to work tomorrow.
If he moans - too bad!! He shouldn't be such a messy sod! And if he gets on with it now - then he'll have nothing to moan about will he?
But if you're both still really poorly then the bare minimum will have to suffice. If the home is a tip now - it won't get much worse over another week and at least you won't be doing it twice!!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 16/06/2023 18:12

You're being very unreasonable. You're both ill. No one should be doing housework right now. The only thing necessary right now is ensuring your children are fed.

The best way to recover from illness is to REST.

No, the housework does not fall on you this weekend, the housework waits until you're both better then you can both tackle it together.

jannier · 16/06/2023 18:18

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:33

To be honest, you're all probably right but if we leave the housework now, it's only going to get ten times worse which I will probably end up having to sort out.

We both need rest but with 3 kids it's impossible. I just don't want to be left cleaning up a house that is a bombsite all by myself. I'm very emotional right now, not sure if it's because I'm ill or because of lady week, but I just feel angry that it's all being left to me.

Why won't you both sort it out when your better?
Why did you have to work?

pimplebum · 16/06/2023 18:20

He should have done basics of clean up after himself bins out, washing up empty dishwasher etc out washing on. / out and spay with antibacterial to stop spread etc but not hoovering Scrubbing bath ironing etc

Candymay · 16/06/2023 18:21

Lady week?! Jesus Christ on a motorbike you’ve just lost all my sympathy

rwalker · 16/06/2023 18:27

wouldn’t He of been at work anyway

don’t understand how the house can be ruined

you sound obsessed quick tidy and catch up week after

NoSquirrels · 16/06/2023 18:32

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:57

He's working this weekend, he has made a point of how annoyed he is that the house is messy. He will continue moaning about it until its done.

Show quote history

Feel free to tell him to sod off.

Tell him you’ve got the same chest infection he has, you haven’t had 3 days off work to recover, so you’re taking them this weekend.

You can both clean when he’s home to help.

Feel better soon, OP. Flowers

Cakeorchocolate · 16/06/2023 18:35

Dreamitaway · 16/06/2023 17:57

He's working this weekend, he has made a point of how annoyed he is that the house is messy. He will continue moaning about it until its done.

Show quote history

If he's annoyed it's untidy / needs cleaning point him in the direction of the tools for the job and tell him to crack on!

cakehoover123 · 16/06/2023 18:39

I don't think YABU at all!

It's horrible being in a messy house, and it's infuriating when your partner just assumes it's your job to sort it out. Why is it your job?

I'd either:

(i) discuss what needs doing and who will do it - and if there's any pushback about him not doing the vast majority of the outstanding work, given that he's been off and you've been working, have a full and frank conversation about fairness and shared responsibilities

(ii) ignore it, then say "oh I assumed you were going to do it, seems only fair as I've been working and have kids while you've had the chance to recover more than me" once he raised it (if I had the mental strength to ignore it for that long, which I probably wouldn't, and partners are often very good at strategically "not seeing" housework...)

SideWonder · 16/06/2023 18:54

now I'm expected to do this on the weekend whilst I have the kids.

No.

  1. Lower your housekeeping standards. No-one will die.
  2. He has the kids, while you spend the weekend recuperating, as you've been working while ill
  3. Try to stop being a martyr. Let things slip. Sleep all weekend.