To kiss out dream of country living goodbye because of lack of schools?

[mmmflakycrust81]

I grew up in an idyllic village, very 'Darling Buds of May'. I have lived in London pretty much since my 20s, and always dreamed of moving back to raise my own family there.

I had started looking up properties in one of the larger villages in the area I grew up in (still has a train connection to London) and joined a local FB group to get an idea of what was going on. I saw a post today that stated the local primary school had 120 applicants for two 30 form classes from the village alone, let alone the neighbouring smaller villages which had no school. Children were therefore being placed at larger schools 15 or so miles away.

I can't see how we would be able to make that work, especially as I am unable to drive. I always imagined that we would be able to walk to school during the work day.

Is this going to be the case for most areas now? Complete lack of infrastructure development, especially while they build new and much-needed housing on the outskirts of these areas?

I feel like we are going to have to stay in London for that reason - there are at least 6 schools local to where we are, but I really wanted to get DD out of the city.

Is there a solution here that I am missing? Or is it a case of tough luck?

As far as I recall you are entitled to transport provided if you are not given place at your local catchment area school.

We moved from London relatively recently and are in a village location and there is no way we could manage with one car. I hadn't fully realised that it would be so difficult without two drivers but it would be near impossible. I also had a health scare after we moved which could have affected my ability to drive... and if it had we would have moved back.

I also think there are so many good schools in London and your life will be so much easier when they are teens. Whereabouts are you in London? Perhaps you could move to one of the more 'village'-like areas.

It is absolutely beautiful where I live, and I am only a couple of miles from a lovely town, less than an hour to London, great schools etc. but there are many, many drawbacks. In London I had amazing childcare and healthcare, fantastic and easy to access support in many ways and so much to do (for every age). I now realise I took that for granted...

The situation you describe would be unusual within the M25 not least because if you apply to your nearest school and then are allocated a school over two miles or three miles away, dependent on the age of your child, your local authority will have to pay for home to school travel. More likely if you are a late or in-year applicant or live very rurally.

Where I live it is rural, there are plenty of undersubscribed village primary schools because no one with kids can afford the village house prices.

Not being able to drive is a massive issue though I'm afraid - we had to get a second car to manage to live were we do. The public transport is virtually non existent.

@mmmflakycrust81 I've not read all the replies but if not mentioned already, I hope mine helps.

I expect you had a really good childhood? If not all, I'd think the good parts were amazing and certainly outweighed any not so good times.

When we love something (or someone in some cases!) and have good memories, often when away from it we love it more (absence makes the heart grow fonder).
I expect that tough times after you moved away from the village were helped with good memories of the past. Making it the 'happy escape' and best place ever.

You're a great mum so you want your dc to have the best childhood ever- have happy memories like you did.
That does not necessarily mean they need to live in a village. You are doing your best by them daily now- not in a village.

Sometimes the reality of a 'dreamy' situation (I know your experience is reality but right now your dreaming about what could be) is bloody awful.

Think for a moment of the differences of your world when you were a child (tv/ technology/ media/ family/ jobs etc) compared to your children's world. Even if you don't allow an iPad for example, they'll need to learn to use one at school to cope in todays world.

I think there may be things in your current life/ set up that you're not happy with- maybe focus on those and making changes there rather than seeking the past security of childhood memories.

You can always share your childhood with your dc through stories, pictures and even holidays to lovely places. If holidays and visits tick boxes for all of your family then maybe reassess.

Not the same I know but when I was little once or twice a year we always visited the same little area in Wales and rented out the same house which was huge so we were able to take lots of extended family too. It was amazing, fantastic memories. Over the years I was desperate to go back but never in a position to. 20 years later I finally visited and felt so underwhelmed. It was nothing like the feeling I got as a child.

Talk with your dp about their views too.

Good luck op, going or staying- or somewhere completely new, you will make it work for your family, and your kids will feel loved regardless of their window overlooking fields or roads.

Something else you may want to look into is before and after school care. Many of the village schools near us don't offer any at all and there are almost no childminders either. Almost all primary school mums I know in our village work either part time or not at all or have parents that drop off/pick up.

Our village school has before and after school care and several very good childminders.

Can't you look up the pan then move within it? I'm in a very desirable village but houses right by the schools still come on the market

Thanks for all the advice! I have since had confirmed that if we are placed in a school out of catchment then there are school busses that ferry the children from each village.

So that's that answered, however so many excellent points brought up here which have been helpful on the general day to day living in a rural location and practicalities/issues that arise.

Truly thank you.

And you are right - am I chasing a dream of a different time period? Its probably no coincidence that I am looking at the same area I grew up in, perhaps chasing the connection to my family members no longer with us, wanting to connect with those happier times. But I know my mum was never happy living there and perhaps telling that as soon as my parents divorced we moved to a large town instead.

I am driven by wanting the best for DD, for example she has noise sensory issues especially with sirens which just seem part and parcel of living in a city. I would love to take her somewhere more quiet. But I have to weigh this up with all the pros we have here.

So much to consider, thank you x

I agree - it really wouldn't be workable to move to a very small village if you can't drive. Small, pretty market town would bring much better quality of life

I would just be careful to check the fine print on the school transport with the council in question, if taking your children to school yourself will be a major problem.

Some councils will only provide free transport if you’ve listed all the nearer schools as higher preferences on your application form.

Good advice thank you! Will check that out now

It's not just transport to school, it's things like getting to the doctor or pharmacy when you or DC are ill. It's often much much harder to get hold of a taxi rurally. Our GP surgery does a telephone triage then often says "can you get here in the next half hour for a face to face appt?". There'd be no hope of getting a taxi in that time.

Plus there's also a narrower range of things that you can get delivered the more rural you are. We have only a small choice of supermarkets and takeaways that deliver to our village for example. And village shops (where they still exist) tend to be very expensive.

I think village life when you can’t drive would be absolutely awful. Your husband would be solely responsible for all journeys. When your kids are at secondary school he will have to ferry them to and from friends houses, pick up from after school and weekend extracurricular clubs, get you and kids to and from all appointments etc etc. I used to live in a village and spent a huge amount of time driving back and forth. Give me London and it’s public transport and day of the week.

I'm in Somerset, this sounds like the situation here. I'm currently an education welfare officer. We spend huge amounts of time advising people on applying for school places when refused their first or second attempts. Spaces in all local schools, primary, secondary, good or poor ofsteds are almost non existent.
I had to help a family with 4 children. No space in local school. 4 children ended up at 4 different primaries. Up to age 8 they can walk 2 miles, over 8 it's 3, so only one was offered free transport

This is something we have been talking about - we are spoiled with london transport and the availability of taxis including when DD or I have been ill and weve been able to get a cab to a local hospital. I hate the idea we would be reliant on waiting for an ambulance to come from miles away.

We live in a small town in SE which is not rural but is a good compromise - we still have (some) buses and can get a train to a city, and we have plenty of outstanding schools. We also have good level of ethnic and social diversity.

And yet we have the benefits of not being in London. Our house backs onto woodland and we can cycle all the way to our little town centre a mile away on safe cycle routes. Huge open green areas for walking, country parks, rivers, nice local pubs and a local market.

Honestly think it’s just a case of shopping round - you’ll find something! Don’t give up before you’ve really started looking

You'd be lucky to get an ambulance. I'm in a town and taxis are hard to come by. I live very centrally, so can walk most places, so can DC now that they are older. We do both drive and there is no way I'd go for a rural 'need a car for everything' lifestyle from London living

Can I ask roughly what part of SE? We are SE too but zone 3/4.

Relatives moved from London to a village just outside Bath over lockdown, so did my DB and his DW.

Relatives are happy but one job is mostly based in London so he has to commute at least 2-3 times a week for that. Her job is luckily in central Bath. I think they’re generally both happy as both sets of parents are there but he’s expressed an interest in moving back to their London flat, she I think doesn’t want this as kids in good nursery/school. They’re lucky as in Bath has a good social life but village certainly not or very community orientated. DB couldn’t wait to move back to London because he knew no one where they moved to.

Other friends moved to either a big seaside town and boys went to local private school either driven there or got bus/school bus. Other friends years ago moved inland from SE coastal town/city their DD couldn’t wait to drive and went to uni/art college in a nearby city. Lots of talk of drug and alcohol abuse as teens.

When I stayed with my aunt last year in a pretty SE Kent seaside village and drove down but got bus/train to meet friends I was stuck at one point because there are no or few late night buses/trains and had to get taxi. My friends who’d moved there from London said exactly the same re transport. If you’re in a city with good evening transport you take it for granted.

Add to that once I went into Bath by bus for Christmas social and was fine getting bus back to their bus stop but then on the estate where IL’s live it’s a maze so I got lost. Of course mobile phone coverage rubbish too so couldn’t ring or use google maps. I recall walking around trying to think if I’d seen in Bath if there were attacks happening locally…

Rural living can really suck for non-drivers. I live in a town of about 4000 people so not a tiny village and we still only have one bus every hour that takes 1.5 hours to get to the nearest small city. Trains take 50 minutes but approx every 2 hours, peak time it's £22 return fare. They've just shut our Minor Injuries Unit. I had to drive my son 30 miles at 2am when he had a nosebleed that wouldn't stop. The local taxi driver retired, nobody took over his business and nearest is a one-man operation 20 miles away who won't do irregular hours. When my husband flies abroad for work he can't get a taxi to the airport, he just drives and parks in the long stay carpark. The last train back from the city is at 10pm so we always have to leave the theatre early or push our way out and run if we've taken the train. I wouldn't take my kids on the last bus at 10.30pm due to the clientele. The best thing about living in a rural town is the proximity to amazing outdoor spaces but there is no chance of getting to any of them without a car. So some of this might be particular to my area (NE Scotland - what's an Uber?) but some will apply to all rural living.

These are the things i need to remember as I have absolutely got caught out before arriving at semi rural stations and being told there are no taxis available for hours, or when I arrived at a train station in Devon which was just a strip of tarmac next to a track and the next train was four hours and I was hungover and there was nothing around for miles......

We live in an out London borough, but we back onto fields and trees and deer, badges, foxes, hedgehogs so you’d not know we were still technically in London. Plenty of amenities in the small town (village? Can’t work out where one becomes the other?!), bus services ok, no train though. Plenty of similar places around the outskirts of London

OP, I can't drive either, for neurological reasons. When we moved to the country, we made sure we found a village that was on a train and bus route, had its own mini supermarket as well as local shops, GP, a pub, cafe, play area, scout hall and good schools nearby. We checked that the village hall was lively with events for all ages. I think you just haven't found the right village yet. Keep looking. It might be a bigger village than you originally thought of - ours is about 5k people I think, but it means all the facilities we need are on the doorstep, but we're still surrounded by fields of sheep, country walks, sweet-smelling air.