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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my DH an arse?

31 replies

boringlady · 15/06/2023 22:19

So we went for a family day out lately to an event. Lots of other ppl there too. To see a show. At the end we all walked out and right behind us there was a young lad about 16 or 17 with his dad, the young lad had clearly (visibly) some sort of learning disabilities and he was clearly excited telling us how much he enjoyed the show. My hubby just ignored him but I engages and said yea it was great and glad u had fun. Why did my hubby just ignore him. Or am I being too OTT

Also our young son is autistic and delayed speech. He does talk but delayed for his age.. I follow a few ppl on social media who have autism, one is a young lad of 17 and he was very late talking but has now caught up. He does lots of videos and snd just now I saw an interesting one so tagged my hubby to watch. Hubby watched and afterwards I asked him what he thought as that could maybe one day be our son. He just said it was ok and carried on watching tv

So my question is, why is my hubby so closed off and detached! Or am I too OTT?

OP posts:
WoolyAndYug · 15/06/2023 22:43

I don't think you're too sensitive. The first example definitely indicates his character - why would he ignore a young person like that who was just excited and wanted to engage? I'd feel sad about that - actually I feel sad now having read your post!

If your DH is devoted and caring with your son then I don't think there's a deeper issue but I understand why it bothers you.

Curseofthenation · 15/06/2023 22:48

Perhaps your DH is still coming to terms with the fact your DS may struggle/be awkward/not fit in socially as he gets older. Seeing older children with learning disabilities might remind him of what is ahead for your son. I could be completely wrong - it's just my initial thought.

Original poster
boringlady · 16/06/2023 06:47

@WoolyAndYug yes I agree he was tiredly not nice on first occasion. He is however very loving to our own 2 kids and he's a rubbish husband but I can't fault him as a father

OP posts:
Original poster
boringlady · 16/06/2023 06:47

@Curseofthenation thwts an interesting point and might well be true I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
boringlady · 16/06/2023 06:49

Really not tiredly! Silly typos lol

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 16/06/2023 06:52

I don't think this specific situation makes him an arse. Lots of people don't want to engage with strangers - or maybe he was tired and just wanted to get home.

The fact that you go on to say he's a rubbish husband makes him an arse though.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 16/06/2023 06:56

YABU
I wouldn’t engage either, I hate when strangers do this shit.

Let your husband be.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 16/06/2023 07:04

Why is he a rubbish husband?

Original poster
boringlady · 16/06/2023 07:07

@whitebreadjamsandwich selfish man child but that's all I'll say before it gets too outing

OP posts:
boringlady · 16/06/2023 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SpringIntoChaos · 16/06/2023 07:09

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 16/06/2023 06:56

YABU
I wouldn’t engage either, I hate when strangers do this shit.

Let your husband be.

The 'stranger' was a child with learning difficulties ffs! Have some compassion!

Original poster
boringlady · 16/06/2023 07:09

@SpringIntoChaos exactly!!

OP posts:
whitebreadjamsandwich · 16/06/2023 07:11

So if he's a selfish manchild, then yes, he's an arse

Original poster
boringlady · 16/06/2023 07:13

I just meant was he an arse in the 2 scenarios above. Overall he's an idiot but I just more wanted clarification on the above, like was I expecting too much from him

OP posts:
Frustratedwithbadlegaladviceontheinternet · 16/06/2023 07:14

Based on the examples you have given in my opinion YABU.

Original poster
boringlady · 16/06/2023 07:32

@Frustratedwithbadlegaladviceontheinternet why do u think they?

OP posts:
Yiayi · 16/06/2023 07:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

WeWereInParis · 16/06/2023 07:42

Maybe your husband was tired, or thinking about something, or just didn't want to make polite conversation with a kid in a line. That's his prerogative, and he's entitled to behave that way.

I agree with this. I am not good at talking to strangers, it makes me uncomfortable. That applies to children of all ages, and adults. I wouldn't flat out ignore someone if I was by myself, but if I was with DH (who is fine with this) I'd leave him to it.

Frustratedwithbadlegaladviceontheinternet · 16/06/2023 08:13

Not everyone likes or is good at having conversations with strangers and it doesn’t make them an “arse”. It’s not a great thing to say about your other half really.

Your second example he wasn’t overly enthusiastic about a video you sent him which sometimes happens unfortunately and again doesn’t make him a bad person.

SilverCatStripes · 16/06/2023 08:19

I wonder if all the people defending being rude to people with learning disabilities realise just how badly you come across.

I wonder if you would be so quick to be rude to visible minorities in public……

Frustratedwithbadlegaladviceontheinternet · 16/06/2023 08:28

What do you mean by visible minorities?

Flocider · 16/06/2023 08:33

Well I don't know, if he is usually enthusiastic about speaking to strangers but purposefully ignored this person then sure that's not very nice. I would have also spoken to them but everyone is different- it's hard to judge if someone is an 'arse' as they don't react to a situation as you do. Not sure on the issue with the video really, again, it seems to be more of a case that he doesn't react to things how you think he should, it doesn't mean he's right and you're wrong.

Screwballs · 16/06/2023 08:35

YABU. Also calling someone unpleasant for agreeing they wouldnt engage, learning disability or not, well neither would I, I hate when anyone talks to me unexpectedly, im socially anxious and awkward at the best of times. A few weeks back a chap with learning disabilities was talking to everyone on the way out of an event we were at, I literally stopped walking until he was far enough in front, I dont like it, I dont want it, I want to be left alone. That is my choice, it doesnt make me a bad person.

Why are you judging your husband like this, its absolutely nothing. Leave the poor bloke alone.

Hoppinggreen · 16/06/2023 08:37

He is under no obligation to speak to a complete stranger at an event, as long as he wasn’t overtly rude then it’s fine.
He doesn’t have to watch YouTube videos either if he doesn’t want to
So YABU

PuffinsRocks · 16/06/2023 08:39

Given the way you've spoken to someone on here who had a different opinion to you, I'm thinking this is a you problem not a DH problem.

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