HELP!! Been with my partner 7 years have 2 kids together and his mum is a nightmare

LondonerWith2 · 2023-06-15T20:22:35+00:00

So I'm gonna start by saying my boyfriendis no mamas boy, in fact they have a pretty shit relationship, she kicked him out of the house at a really young age and has never treated him well, a massive part of him resents her for that. Tonight she decided to tell 3 lies about me, 2 were saying things that I literally have never said (negative about bf) and then the last was that I was rude to her on the phone. I made him aware I was really unhappy as I was crying that she'd lied about things I said, she then rang me playing everything's fine and I was polite but kept the convo short. After the phone thing he flipped, screaming shouting kicked my babygate out of the wall etc. I just dont know what to do, his mum has caused issues between us in the past and he just doesn't seem to be behind me, will he ever be?

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/06/2023 21:31

His mum can't cause issues between you if he is a sensible, kind, caring adult.

She can only do that if his behaviour is also pretty crap.

My dad is an absolute twat, decides he doesnt like me, decides im brilliant and hates my partner because he's 'scary' (he isn't, at all, and has bent over backwards for my dad on multiple occasions), is a shit stirring old bastard.

My sister can be pretty obnoxious at times.

It has never. Not once. In 18 years, caused drama, even a cross word, between us. We are a unit, his behaviour is not our problem nor our fault. I do not behave violently as a result of the stupid, mean, rude shit my dad or my sister do sometimes, he does not react violently, smashing stuff, kicking stuff, when my family, or his dad, do or say dumb stuff.

You have a boyfriend problem here, not just a boyfriends mum problem.

Original poster

LondonerWith2 · 15/06/2023 21:53

Yeah I'm starting to realise that. Really quickly
Sun was meant to be a family day (our kids and his friends n kids) .. all the men decided to take coke, I was obv fuming
But his mum today said that I was really slagging him off, and that I smoked weed whilst with my kids (both completely untrue)

So sun night I was fuming at him and I DID say to her that this could be the end of us, but I didn't slag him in the way she said

Then, later tonight she rang me to tell me she'd bought 2 new cats (she rang me, the woman that's so rude to her and her son) and I was crying at the time so was a bit short and said I'm out for a walk when I get in I'll get him to ring you

Then when I got in she rang him and said that I was so completely rude etc.

OP posts:

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 15/06/2023 21:56

You're with a coke head, MIL drama aside it is never going to end well.

My FIL is awful to me, always out of sight of DH. You know what happens, DH believes me and supports me because we have a strong relationship (and he knows his Dad is a twat)

Maray1967 · 15/06/2023 21:58

You’re in a relationship with someone who uses cocaine.
Get rid of hIm.

Sunnydaysareuponus · 15/06/2023 22:01

Dump the druggy and block the mil.
WIN bloody win...

EvilElsa · 15/06/2023 22:01

Didn't read past the coke bit. Says it all.
Get rid.

Original poster

LondonerWith2 · 15/06/2023 22:06

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 15/06/2023 21:56

You're with a coke head, MIL drama aside it is never going to end well.

My FIL is awful to me, always out of sight of DH. You know what happens, DH believes me and supports me because we have a strong relationship (and he knows his Dad is a twat)

Has he ever called his dad out?

OP posts:

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 16/06/2023 06:55

LondonerWith2 · 15/06/2023 22:06

Has he ever called his dad out?

Show quote history

Yes, each time I have told him. Of course he would, I'm his wife.

SchoolShenanigans · 16/06/2023 06:59

Somyour boyfriend takes class A drugs around kids on a "family" day out.

He kicks things around the house when he's not happy.

Why were you crying when your MIL called?

Is your boyfriend every unkind to you?

It sounds to me like he's bad news and there's a lot more you're not saying.

Original poster

LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 07:03

SchoolShenanigans · 16/06/2023 06:59

Somyour boyfriend takes class A drugs around kids on a "family" day out.

He kicks things around the house when he's not happy.

Why were you crying when your MIL called?

Is your boyfriend every unkind to you?

It sounds to me like he's bad news and there's a lot more you're not saying.

I was crying cause I couldn't believe she'd lied about me and he just beleive it

OP posts:

Original poster

LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 07:04

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 16/06/2023 06:55

Yes, each time I have told him. Of course he would, I'm his wife.

Show quote history

Reason he says he never confronts his mum is cause SHE LOVES drama, one disagreement can easily turn jnto shouting screaming throwing with her

OP posts:

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 16/06/2023 07:07

LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 07:04

Reason he says he never confronts his mum is cause SHE LOVES drama, one disagreement can easily turn jnto shouting screaming throwing with her

Show quote history

One confrontation did end up in shouting, but it was the first time he was confronted and I guess he didn't like it.

The more DH called him out on his behaviour, the lesser FIL reactions became and things are getting better (we're almost 20 years down the line)

Still, your problem is you're with a coke head. No amount of MIL drama even compares to what you have in store if you stay with your partner. Tip of the iceberg.

Bax765 · 16/06/2023 07:17

Kicking a baby gate out of the wall is aggressive. Taking cocaine around children is awful behaviour.

I would be ending it with this man straight away, regardless of his mother. You, and your children, deserve much better than this.

Sapphire387 · 16/06/2023 07:46

The problem is your boyfriend. He sounds aggressive.

Original poster

LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 08:20

Bax765 · 16/06/2023 07:17

Kicking a baby gate out of the wall is aggressive. Taking cocaine around children is awful behaviour.

I would be ending it with this man straight away, regardless of his mother. You, and your children, deserve much better than this.

Yeah you're right

OP posts:

Original poster

LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 08:21

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 16/06/2023 07:07

One confrontation did end up in shouting, but it was the first time he was confronted and I guess he didn't like it.

The more DH called him out on his behaviour, the lesser FIL reactions became and things are getting better (we're almost 20 years down the line)

Still, your problem is you're with a coke head. No amount of MIL drama even compares to what you have in store if you stay with your partner. Tip of the iceberg.

Show quote history

Yeah I Don't know if he'll ever confront her on it, we're meant to be going to a family bbq at hers tomorrow lol obviously me and kids aren't going now
And he's not a coke head as such as he hasn't drank or anything in over 6 months, but yeah the place and time was horrible

OP posts:

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 16/06/2023 09:15

Sorry but he is a cokehead. He took illegal drugs IN FRONT OF HIS KIDS. He's a cokehead. And if you can't see that I wonder if you have appropriate boundaries yourself.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 16/06/2023 09:17

Basically I'm now very concerned for your kids as you don't seem to have any real appreciation of how utterly, utterly unacceptable that behaviour was. As in the SECOND you realised that's what he was doing, a normal reaction would be to immediately take your children home and then change the locks. Taking class A drugs around children is not something you get a bit moany about. It's an instant deal-breaker for any normal mother.

endofthelinefinally · 16/06/2023 09:51

I would be reporting him to social services myself and kicking him out. You are not married, that is good in terms of you being able to get rid.
What is your living situation?
Do you rent? If so, who is on the tenancy?
If you own, who's name is on the deeds?
You and your children are at risk here.
Don't wait until he does something worse.

IhearyouClemFandango · 16/06/2023 09:58

Your priorities are seriously skewed. He takes coke around kids but his mum being a pain is what is causing you angst?

Original poster

LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 10:28

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 16/06/2023 09:17

Basically I'm now very concerned for your kids as you don't seem to have any real appreciation of how utterly, utterly unacceptable that behaviour was. As in the SECOND you realised that's what he was doing, a normal reaction would be to immediately take your children home and then change the locks. Taking class A drugs around children is not something you get a bit moany about. It's an instant deal-breaker for any normal mother.

If judging is your form of advice you can fuck off
Hope nobody you know ever has to go through abuse if this is the advice they'll get. Don't comment back on my thread.

OP posts:

Original poster

LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 10:29

endofthelinefinally · 16/06/2023 09:51

I would be reporting him to social services myself and kicking him out. You are not married, that is good in terms of you being able to get rid.
What is your living situation?
Do you rent? If so, who is on the tenancy?
If you own, who's name is on the deeds?
You and your children are at risk here.
Don't wait until he does something worse.

We rent. Tenancy in my name
I've said to him to leave but he's quite comfy staying cause I won't cause confrontation infront of the kids to get him out

OP posts:

misssunshine4040 · 16/06/2023 10:36

The problem will never go away. She will always be there.
Please please open your eyes and leave him. This will only get worse. Kicking your baby gate is bad and creates a horrible stressful environment for your kids to be around.
Taking coke at a kid's family day is awful and you know it.
If you can't see it for yourself then see it for your kids. They deserve to grow up with a calm household and a happy mum who is not being dragged into dramas

endofthelinefinally · 16/06/2023 11:24

Speak to your landlord. If he isn't on the tenancy he has no right to stay.
they should change the locks for you as long as you cover the cost.

Sunnydaysareuponus · 16/06/2023 11:54

He is siding with the one who puts no pressure on him to be a decent human being..
Get the fuck rid op.