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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HELP!! Been with my partner 7 years have 2 kids together and his mum is a nightmare

49 replies

LondonerWith2 · 15/06/2023 21:22

So I'm gonna start by saying my boyfriendis no mamas boy, in fact they have a pretty shit relationship, she kicked him out of the house at a really young age and has never treated him well, a massive part of him resents her for that.

Tonight she decided to tell 3 lies about me, 2 were saying things that I literally have never said (negative about bf) and then the last was that I was rude to her on the phone.

I made him aware I was really unhappy as I was crying that she'd lied about things I said, she then rang me playing everything's fine and I was polite but kept the convo short.
After the phone thing he flipped, screaming shouting kicked my babygate out of the wall etc.

I just dont know what to do, his mum has caused issues between us in the past and he just doesn't seem to be behind me, will he ever be?

OP posts:
littlemousebigcheese · 16/06/2023 11:59

your poor children 😔

Original poster
LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 12:26

endofthelinefinally · 16/06/2023 11:24

Speak to your landlord. If he isn't on the tenancy he has no right to stay.
they should change the locks for you as long as you cover the cost.

Its a council place, ironically I got this place cause I left him last year due to too many outbursts
Then he wormed his way in

OP posts:
Original poster
LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 12:27

Sunnydaysareuponus · 16/06/2023 11:54

He is siding with the one who puts no pressure on him to be a decent human being..
Get the fuck rid op.

Hmm.
Didn't see it like that tbh
Might seem obvious to everyone else but I was just like wtf

OP posts:
Original poster
LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 12:28

misssunshine4040 · 16/06/2023 10:36

The problem will never go away. She will always be there.
Please please open your eyes and leave him. This will only get worse. Kicking your baby gate is bad and creates a horrible stressful environment for your kids to be around.
Taking coke at a kid's family day is awful and you know it.
If you can't see it for yourself then see it for your kids. They deserve to grow up with a calm household and a happy mum who is not being dragged into dramas

I just don't know where to find the strength to leave him again. It was easy last year as I left the family home, but now I'm making him leave my home, seems impossible

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 16/06/2023 12:31

Bax765 · 16/06/2023 07:17

Kicking a baby gate out of the wall is aggressive. Taking cocaine around children is awful behaviour.

I would be ending it with this man straight away, regardless of his mother. You, and your children, deserve much better than this.

This.

I would be blocking his mum too. He's right about one thing. She likes drama.

BeardieWeirdie · 16/06/2023 12:34

Next time he’s out for the day, change the locks and bag his shit up. His mum is not the problem here.

tattygrl · 16/06/2023 13:00

This thread has very quickly got to the heart of the issue, which is actually your boyfriend. I can see that you are aware you need to leave him. I hope you can find some good advice and practical help to do so, given the living situation.

Namechangedagain20 · 16/06/2023 13:12

His mum is a complete red herring here. She might be a bitch but she’s not the problem.

Your boyfriend is the problem. He takes cocaine, uses it around children and is aggressive. There’s three very good reasons to use him. Kick him out, call the police if he gets aggressive and explain his drug use, and this time don’t let him worm his way in.

Your kids deserve a lot better than a druggie, aggressive father and a mother who puts up with it. Even if you don’t think they’re affected by the situation they definitely will be.

endofthelinefinally · 16/06/2023 13:24

Speak to women's aid. Do you have a housing manager? If you have a child young enough to use a baby gate you must have a health visitor. They can give you advice about getting support to make him leave.

reallypuzzledoverthis · 16/06/2023 13:25

So he takes coke, trashes things and won’t leave but you were upset because his mum said you smoked weed? Has she made that up or are you actually smoking it just not at that time?
That has social services referral written all over it, and the fact you can’t even see the damage both of your behaviours are and will continue to do to your children is extremely concerning.
His mum is the least of your problems.

queenMab99 · 16/06/2023 13:42

He does coke, and kicks the baby gate off the wall, yet his mum is the problem?
Get real.

Conkersinautumn · 16/06/2023 13:56

Definitely a bf issue here, he's on coke, he's finding excuses to blame anyone pointing out the useless waste of space that makes him. If the mum has any sense she will raise a safeguarding concern herself.

musicforthesoul · 16/06/2023 14:00

You're with someone who takes coke and kicks things off the wall when he's angry. His mum sounds crap but she could be a saint and it would make no difference, it's the bf who's the problem. You and your children deserve better than that.

karakchai · 16/06/2023 14:07

Poor children.

CurlewKate · 16/06/2023 14:14

Your MIL is the least of your problems. Don't focus on her. Focus on him.

TheCatterall · 16/06/2023 14:51

@LondonerWith2 Can the police help? When he’s out I’d be packing his bags, changing the locks and he can take it to his mums. I swapped my locks with a neighbour.

I did this with my partner many years ago. I knew there would be a week or two (three…) of shit and doors getting kicked and him screaming on the street and tbrowing paddies…

Anytime he started I’d ring 999 and explain I was worried for my safety.

Don’t let him back in the house once he’s out.

No It’s not a pleasant time but long term it’s important to get him out.

Yes it’s scary when you have kids in the house - but long term not having a coke taking, angry, aggressive immature dick in the home will be an improvement to the family environment and to their mothers wellbeing and happiness.

once he’s out of communicate only via text/writing so you have a record. Any calls go to answer machine so you can save them if they are abusive or threatening.

you CANNOT take him back again.

his mum - you can block her now so another weight off.

Original poster
LondonerWith2 · 16/06/2023 14:54

TheCatterall · 16/06/2023 14:51

@LondonerWith2 Can the police help? When he’s out I’d be packing his bags, changing the locks and he can take it to his mums. I swapped my locks with a neighbour.

I did this with my partner many years ago. I knew there would be a week or two (three…) of shit and doors getting kicked and him screaming on the street and tbrowing paddies…

Anytime he started I’d ring 999 and explain I was worried for my safety.

Don’t let him back in the house once he’s out.

No It’s not a pleasant time but long term it’s important to get him out.

Yes it’s scary when you have kids in the house - but long term not having a coke taking, angry, aggressive immature dick in the home will be an improvement to the family environment and to their mothers wellbeing and happiness.

once he’s out of communicate only via text/writing so you have a record. Any calls go to answer machine so you can save them if they are abusive or threatening.

you CANNOT take him back again.

his mum - you can block her now so another weight off.

Thank you
I MASSIVELY appreciate this post
Regretting posting on here cause I feel massively judged a few people have mentioned being a 'good mum' and I'm trying
I also have serious health conditions I'm battling so having no other adult in the house is absolutely terrifying as both my kids are under 5
Thank you again xx

OP posts:
hot2trotter · 16/06/2023 16:43

His mum sounds like the least of your problems.
Exposing your children to drugs and abusive behaviour is wrong. Get rid of him and then his mother will be out of your life too.

hot2trotter · 16/06/2023 16:44

queenMab99 · 16/06/2023 13:42

He does coke, and kicks the baby gate off the wall, yet his mum is the problem?
Get real.

Exactly!! Needs to give her head a wobble

Takeabreather23 · 16/06/2023 17:21

Don’t worry about being judged, we all make mistakes and yours is taking hiM back. )you can sort that)
I think it’s better he has to leave instead of upsetting your kids again and you all leaving your home .
It can all feel over whelming , so start with one thing at a time .
speak to women’s aid speak to anyone who can offer support. Once he’s gone so will his mother be .
Your kids are your main priority and they need safe secure home and stability . He’s is a waste of space.
You will find your stress levels will be down and your health may be better long term .
You have to find the strength to lock him out and for good life will get better .
Dont let anyone jeopardise your kids Well being or yours

Redebs · 16/06/2023 17:28

So you told your partner that his mum was being rude to you and he had a temper tantrum?

I wonder if it was a surprise to you, or if you were expecting that kind of reaction from him?

I think this is not a good environment in which to bring up children.

Talkingfrog · 16/06/2023 20:55

Can you speak to someone for advice on how to get him removed from the house, regarding access to the children etc.

Nor sure where is appropriate but somewhere such as citizens advice, a women's refuge/aid etc

Avondale89 · 16/06/2023 21:04

I rather think you're asking for judgment when posting on a thread like this! It's likely just a shock to see so many people being extremely blunt and honest about a situation. I really hope you can get away from this man, he's bad news for you and your children. MIL is irrelevant.

Stomacharmeleon · 16/06/2023 22:53

Do you have family you can lean on? To give you some support?

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