to be secretly really upset that my birthday has been ruined?

[Greensleeves]

I know I'm an adult and I'm being childish, it's not even a milestone birthday. But birthdays have always been a big deal in our family and DH had made loads of effort with a lovely breakfast and presents, and had taken the day off work so we could go to an RHS garden... I was really looking forward to it.

Instead I've spent the day looking after 18yo DS2 who has bad heartburn, vomiting and a really bad UTI, he's so ill he's been having panic attacks and crying, it's taken until 4pm to get to speak to a doctor and we've only just managed to get his antibiotics and prescription antacids. I've spent most of the day stroking his hair while he pukes and reassuring him that he isn't going to die! While DH took him to the doctor DS1 phoned from uni to pick my brain about an important essay he's freaking out about - short deadline and the subject isn't his comfort zone- and of course he'd completely forgotten it was my birthday.

They're all absolutely lovely and not selfish at all, under different circumstances they would have made a fuss of me on my birthday, as I would for theirs. AIBU to be feeling a bit weepy and pathetic all the same? (And thinking toddlers were easier than my young adults sometimes!)

My kids are small but almost every event/day out/weekend ends up completely bananas and something dramatic happening (nosebleed, ill child, wees themself midday etc) so the thought of being about to plan a lovely day out and there even be a chance it could happen as planned seems alien😂

chin up OP. You’re an adult- stuff happens. Celebrate next week. You’ll look back and laugh one day!

You are SO not infantalising them. Dont ever walk back on being a kind and loving mother. The world needs more love and caring in it, not less.

I completely agree ❤️
Be confident in the way you parent OP xx

And Happy Birthday! I hope DS2 is okay, that sounds scary for all involved! Xx

It sucks, but it is being a parent. Make plans for something nice another day.

I think you are justified in feeling disappointed OP. I had a birthday onfe that was more or less tied up with errands to fix a unexpectedly broken down car - not the plan, disappointing, and I haven't forgotten it.

However, I would have been unable to stop myself mentioning my birthday on the phone to DS1! It seems quite self effacing that you didn't do this? Maybe you are such a good mum that you felt that he would be upset if he mentioned it. But I would have!

Definitely time to tell everyone that the birthday plans are now taking place on <new date>

Why couldn't your dh have dealt with ill kid and essay boy

You missed the bit where her H took the ill son to the docs?

Happy birthday OP!

YANBU to feel a bit miffed. Hopefully you can have a take two soon, but it is disappointing. My work gives us our birthday off automatically as an extra holiday day, so I completely agree with nice plans for it.

(Although do keep an eye on DS2, the only time I've ever known teens/20s boys with suspected UTIs and vomiting they've actually had appendicitis.)

My last birthday ds2 had a d&v bug and my DH ex mil died... I cancelled all plans and never replaced them. I didn't even open my presents for about 3 days. Yanbu, just because you're an adult it doesn't make it any less shit.

Postpone your day and have a replacement birthday. I hope your ds is ok x

Happy birthday and I hope your ds is ok now.

YANBU. Young adults are much, much harder than toddlers, agreed.

you’re being a great mum if your uni ds calls for advice and your other ds needed comfort and you gave it. Can you celebrate at the weekend?

(btw are you Greensleeves from when it was all fields round here? If so IIRC your mum was tricky)

Yes, I am that Greensleeves...and yes my mother was tricky (probably still is, I blissfully don't know)

THIS x a million

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I have teens who are slightly younger than yours and they need constant support for various reasons. It’s exhausting. In an ideal world none of this would happen on your birthday. I hope you manage to celebrate at the weekend to make up for today. You sound like a great Mum.

😂 I'm afraid I rang my mum earlier to lurk on the phone for half an hour about the bloody awful essay I'm slowly churning out....
I'm 39! 😂

Big hugs. They can take you out to dinner in a week or so surely?

You're not being childish. Your oldest really should remember your birthday and it's rude not to.

Exactly! a simple smartshow 3d Happy birthday video would be nice and so easy to do. I'd be upset too.
YANBU, and I hope you'll celebrate your birthday and treat yourself to something nice! 🍰

You seem to be confused about what website you're on. This is Mumsnet, where a huge range of opinions can be freely expressed - and judgements too, especially in AIBU. I'll say what I like and if the mods are OK with it, then it stands.

As for not knowing what I'm talking about, neither you nor I know anymore than the other about OP's situation beyond what OP has posted about it, and we are both equally free to interpret, evaluate and opine on it in any way we wish.