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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be secretly really upset that my birthday has been ruined?

67 replies

Greensleeves · 15/06/2023 17:48

I know I'm an adult and I'm being childish, it's not even a milestone birthday. But birthdays have always been a big deal in our family and DH had made loads of effort with a lovely breakfast and presents, and had taken the day off work so we could go to an RHS garden... I was really looking forward to it.

Instead I've spent the day looking after 18yo DS2 who has bad heartburn, vomiting and a really bad UTI, he's so ill he's been having panic attacks and crying, it's taken until 4pm to get to speak to a doctor and we've only just managed to get his antibiotics and prescription antacids. I've spent most of the day stroking his hair while he pukes and reassuring him that he isn't going to die! While DH took him to the doctor DS1 phoned from uni to pick my brain about an important essay he's freaking out about - short deadline and the subject isn't his comfort zone- and of course he'd completely forgotten it was my birthday.

They're all absolutely lovely and not selfish at all, under different circumstances they would have made a fuss of me on my birthday, as I would for theirs. AIBU to be feeling a bit weepy and pathetic all the same? (And thinking toddlers were easier than my young adults sometimes!)

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 15/06/2023 19:27

You can always celebrate a different day. Most people I know don't take a day off for their birthday. How would your DS have managed if you and DH had been at work today?

Original poster
Greensleeves · 15/06/2023 19:28

sweeneytoddsrazor · 15/06/2023 19:27

You can always celebrate a different day. Most people I know don't take a day off for their birthday. How would your DS have managed if you and DH had been at work today?

We both work from home

OP posts:
JenniferBarkley · 15/06/2023 19:30

Happy birthday OP, YANBU.

Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes, I'm all for independence but I think it's perfectly natural and sensible to be supporting your DC in that way.

Celebrate at the weekend.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/06/2023 19:30

Can you take another day off to do the plans you had made? Not the same but could still be nice

FreddiesTeeth · 15/06/2023 19:42

Hey! We're having ruined birthdays on the same day!
It's really not great. Chin up though.

Yousee · 15/06/2023 19:52

To be fair, both your son's are having a worse day than you are. They aren't doing it on purpose, it's just life.
Celebrate another day.

TeenLifeMum · 15/06/2023 19:52

Typical timing isn’t it? I’m an adult and we celebrate birthdays. If this happened I’d postpone… “okay, my birthday take 2 is happening Sunday so let’s plan a lovely day including pub lunch!” (My 40th birthday was ruined as I was ill with covid and totally bed ridden for a week. I ended up celebrating all year 😆dh was so gutted it didn’t go to plan he added an extra weekend away to a European city. Happy birthday op!

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/06/2023 19:53

I think it’s very poor form of your son at uni to forget your birthday OP

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/06/2023 19:57

Yousee · 15/06/2023 19:52

To be fair, both your son's are having a worse day than you are. They aren't doing it on purpose, it's just life.
Celebrate another day.

@Yousee

the uni son only has an essay, pretty much par the course when you’re at uni

Prescottdanni123 · 15/06/2023 20:00

OP, please ignore some of the judgy comments on here and don't change the way you interact with your boys. Some people get it into their heads that once their 18th birthdays have passed, kids shouldn't be parented anymore.

I'm nearly 30, had a really shitty day at work and have a splitting headache on top. As soon as I got home, I called my mum to have a whinge/cry. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with you stroking your 18 year oldest hair and comforting him through a nasty infection.

Talipesmum · 15/06/2023 20:03

Poor you! Not at all unreasonable to be miffed and disappointed, but these things happen. You’ve been lovely with your kids today - just one of those things. Definitely treat it as postponed rather than cancelled. Xxx

Prescottdanni123 · 15/06/2023 20:04

@LuckySantangelo35

Uni essays can he stressful. Plus OP's son has autism which can also make it more difficult

KarmaStar · 15/06/2023 20:07

I am understanding of your upset but also feel you are being a bit unreasonable op.
You have a lovely family around you and to have all that love,and a wonderful start to the day and your dh being with you,knowing your two boys need you,that's an awful lot to be thankful for.

jellyminelli · 15/06/2023 20:08

"and of course he'd completely forgotten it was my birthday."

You say that like it's normal. It's not. Even if your husband has to give him a nudge a few days before. Happy birthday, hope your youngest gets better soon

Gracewithoutend · 15/06/2023 20:09

Haha. No stroking of the hair for mine but then they only got sick when the demon drink was involved! No sympathy given there. Just a cloth and some Jiff to clean the bathroom when they'd finished.
I was such a horrible mother. 😂

Gracewithoutend · 15/06/2023 20:12

I am understanding of your upset but also feel you are being a bit unreasonable op.
You have a lovely family around you and to have all that love,and a wonderful start to the day and your dh being with you, knowing your two boys need you,that's an awful lot to be thankful for.

She's got that every day. On her birthday she'd like a card as well. I bet the men in her family expect one.

Yousee · 15/06/2023 20:14

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/06/2023 19:57

@Yousee

the uni son only has an essay, pretty much par the course when you’re at uni

Show quote history

@LuckySantangelo35 OP says he was "freaking out" so obviously he's more stressed than normal about this one.

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/06/2023 20:15

I could never imagine for one single second being so precious about my birthday. Shit happens every day of the year!

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/06/2023 20:16

KarmaStar · 15/06/2023 20:07

I am understanding of your upset but also feel you are being a bit unreasonable op.
You have a lovely family around you and to have all that love,and a wonderful start to the day and your dh being with you,knowing your two boys need you,that's an awful lot to be thankful for.

@KarmaStar

errr and they should be grateful for her! And show their appreciation on her birthday

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/06/2023 20:18

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/06/2023 20:15

I could never imagine for one single second being so precious about my birthday. Shit happens every day of the year!

@LindorDoubleChoc

good for you!

GloomySkies · 15/06/2023 20:21

Typical mumsnet! Apparently OP you are being unreasonable both for caring for your children and being disappointed about your birthday. How very double dare you!

In real life you are a lovely mum and utis in males are really serious, I'm sure DS2 feels absolutely horrific and is glad you're there. I hope you get to celebrate soon. My DC1 was in hospital with concussion and a facial injury meaning they couldn't/wouldn't eat or drink a few years ago, so my birthday was spent ferrying baby DC2 to the hospital and back, to bring DH and DC1 clean clothes etc. Birthday dinner was a microwave meal in the parents lounge, joy! So I feel your pain.

SeaToSki · 15/06/2023 20:46

Sending you some 💐

My most recent birthday (turning 50!) was spoilt by DS3 who woke up feeling very ill. He had a temp of 103, heart rate of 110 (resting) a low bp and O2 sat of 96%. We were also in the wilds of deepest Maine. By the time I had booked a telemedicine call, found out that they agreed he was very ill and wanted to see him in person and worked out that the nearest clinic was a 3 hour round trip, we were approaching my lovely birthday lunch out with the whole family. So I sent everyone off for lunch and took him to the clinic. He was positive for flu (thankfully he had the vaccine this year or who knows how bad he would have been) and we then had to scramble to the chemist to get his antivirals, zinc, vit c, more paracetomol and ibuprofen before the shops shut. We made it home for dinner, but I was too done in to really enjoy it. It sucks when something like this happens because no one is trying to mess up your birthday, but nevertheless it is messed up AND there is no one to blame.

Im glad you are taking the opportunity to vent on Mumsnet, its the best place to put your annoyance, as moaning to the ill DC just isnt fair.

Augend23 · 15/06/2023 20:52

I hope your younger son starts feeling better soon.

Not unreasonable to want to celebrate your birthday. I'd class your birthday as "rained off" and reschedule it for Saturday. And suggest your husband reminds your elder son.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 15/06/2023 20:58

SeaToSki · 15/06/2023 20:46

Sending you some 💐

My most recent birthday (turning 50!) was spoilt by DS3 who woke up feeling very ill. He had a temp of 103, heart rate of 110 (resting) a low bp and O2 sat of 96%. We were also in the wilds of deepest Maine. By the time I had booked a telemedicine call, found out that they agreed he was very ill and wanted to see him in person and worked out that the nearest clinic was a 3 hour round trip, we were approaching my lovely birthday lunch out with the whole family. So I sent everyone off for lunch and took him to the clinic. He was positive for flu (thankfully he had the vaccine this year or who knows how bad he would have been) and we then had to scramble to the chemist to get his antivirals, zinc, vit c, more paracetomol and ibuprofen before the shops shut. We made it home for dinner, but I was too done in to really enjoy it. It sucks when something like this happens because no one is trying to mess up your birthday, but nevertheless it is messed up AND there is no one to blame.

Im glad you are taking the opportunity to vent on Mumsnet, its the best place to put your annoyance, as moaning to the ill DC just isnt fair.

That sounds like a nightmare day! I am absolutely decanting my disappointment on MN rather than being grumpy IRL, it's nobody's fault and DS2 is definitely having a worse day than I am.

I don't mind being told I'm a whinger and should grow up and be grateful, I expected some replies to that effect. It IS a bit cringe for a 46yo woman to be sad about a birthday outing. I find the suggestions that I infantilise my sons a bit bruising, though. I'm pondering it.

OP posts:
DemelzaandRoss · 15/06/2023 20:58

Once a Mum always a Mum. Thank goodness all turned out well. Your DC will always remember their lovely Mother.
Certainly extremely bad timing, but family is more important. Hopefully by the weekend you can enjoy your special day.