To plan a minibreak during DS school trip?

[MinibreakMum]

NC as I’ve been talking about it at work and don’t want my usual posting name known.
In a nutshell, I’m a lone parent to 13DS, he has Sen but mostly functions well. Work full time and no family support, so everything usually falls on me.

Ds is due to take a 4 day school trip end of October this year to a European country, so I decided to use some annual leave to have a bit of time to myself. While browsing day trips and activities I came upon an offer for a minibreak in another country further from DS trip location than home, which I can just about afford with a bonus I recently got and saved. This is a dream destination for me, and as a solo traveller would be manageable to do the things I would like within 3 days. I would love to fit this trip in while DS is away (no problem travelling alone)

BUT when I think about booking it I feel anxious. Concerns are:

• Being even further from DS than I would be at home if he had an issue on his trip and I wanted to get to him
• the possibility of something going wrong with my travel, preventing me from making it home on time to meet him at school
• MASSIVE amounts of guilt about spending this money on a solo trip when it could be used for a less interesting (ie UK) holiday for both of us, or even something he might need.

It was a split decision between my two co-workers whether they would do the same. Would you do this? Or am I mad and irresponsible to think of it?

opinions please!!

I would go away but probably not abroad. I’d need to be sure I was in a position to be there if the worst happened and my child needed to come home.

i have a relaxed parenting approach but I don’t think this would sit well with me. From the 3 points you have listed, the third would not bother me but I don’t think I would be able to relax as I would worry something might happen and I would be too far away, although the chances of this happening I would say are very slim.

Do you have the budget to fly to your son's location if god forbid he has an accident and gets hospitalised?

I have an emergency credit card I could use.

It’s interesting that no-one has mentioned point 3 as that is what I think bothered me most, given the unlikelihood of an emergency!

I think I might just go for it, since I do have a (begrudging) emergency back up.

Thank you all for your input!

In a nice way, I think you're mad to even consider point 3.

It doesn't sound like you ever get a break. You really deserve it. Your life and money and time aren't just for your DS. Enjoy it!

OP, can you ask another mum whose child is on the trip to be the emergency contact? It’s vanishingly unlikely that anything would happen, and I would happily be the contact for a mum in your position.

If it stretches you too much financially I wouldn't.

You do need a back up plan though if you do go.

Not quite the same, but have had instances of parents going away during scout camps etc, and the scout needing to go home early and no responsible adult is available

I used to be an adult volunteer with the army cadets and the worst thing about it was trying to explain to an ill /injured child who only want mum or dad that their parent /guardian couldn't come to get them because they were away in holiday.
It's selfish of the parent as they are abandoning their responsibilities to others who have a multitude of other kids to attend to with very tight numbers ,having to take away 2 adults to look after the child causes unnecessary stress
school trips /cadet/youth trips are for educational purposes not baby sitting duties

Fine as long as your emergency contact is fully available to step in whilst away.

And how often did that happen? Not very often I imagine. Although I'm sure you'll come back to say there were at least 3 or 4 every single time.

OP go for it. You can't live your life by 'what ifs'. Nobody would ever do anything if that was a rule to be adhered to. As long as you could get to him if you needed to (very unlikely!) then I would 100% go

Scratch point 3 off the list. There is absolutely no issue with you spending some money on you!
Read the rules from school carefully. I have to sign to day an emergency contact will remain the the UK when DS goes away (within the uk) with a none school group.

I would do it.

Thank you for your perspective from experience, this is certainly one of the points that concerned me. However, if I stayed home and there were an emergency, I would still have to arrange a flight / travel to the other country my son would be in, so there would be no difference to my having to do this from my destination so in theory I’m not sure what the difference would be, but food for thought

We used to do this a lot and pay for an emergency carer to be on call for the time period.

I couldn’t move for fb / insta posts from parents in my DS class from exotic locations - many hours further away by plane that the Isle of Wight where the class was. Parents of only / twins ALWAYS head away (to New York or dubai…not Skegness!). I only know of one family where the child became unwell and a grandparent had to collect. But in your case as your dc will be abroad he’s a flight away anyway so illness or injury would always mean that you’re not there in a short while.

go for it.

So if your DS had to come home they’d have to first make that decision, then organise a flight, then travel back - plenty of time for you as one person to do exactly the same. There’s almost no situation where you would have to travel there, and if you did, you could do that just as easily from the other country.

You can't live on what if's. Go and have a great time.

I'm doing something similar while my dc are with their father over the summer holidays.

You're allowed to have fun, too.

I wouldn't care about the money - you deserve to spend it on yourself because it's hard work caring for a child with SEN on your own (it's hard work with an NT kid on your own!).

Has he ever spent any time away overnight at all?

I've never forgotten the phone call I got from head of school when a friend of dc had a very serious accident on the school trip away. Parents had gone on holiday and not given school a contact number. The head knew mum was a friend of mine so called me but I couldn't help. Luckily it was discovered that child's sister (also on trip but in a different year group) had a contact number for mum and dad.
Never assume emergencies won't occur and be very sure you are contactable and have a backup in place...

I'm asking that because I've had to collect my child with SEN from every sleepover/trip they've been on. When they went abroad for 3 nights, I was called twice.

I didn't have to go and get him but it was worrying and it would have absolutely ruined a holiday.

A friend of mine did this and all went well.

The problem would not have arisen if there was emergency contacts in place or the parent made sure they could travel from their holiday destination.

I've never forgotten the phone call I got from head of school when a friend of dc had a very serious accident on the school trip away. Parents had gone on holiday and not given school a contact number.

That must have been a while ago though? Otherwise surely the school would have just used the parents' mobile numbers?

Thank you all for your opinions, on balance I have decided to go for it. I have booked the flights (yeep!!) and as an insurance measure, I bought a second, cheap, return seat on a later flight so I have a back up if my flight has issues or I don’t get to the airport on time.

My hotel can be cancelled up to the night before, and if I lose the cost of the flights should DS’s trip not go ahead, I am willing to take the hit for the chance I can go.

I will probably not get the opportunity to go anywhere for a few more years and it’s been a tough few years for me. I do have an emergency contact in case I don’t make it back, hopefully won’t need them though! And DS has been on a trip before (in the UK) which he thoroughly enjoyed, so it’s only likely I’ll get called for him if the entire school trip goes wrong.

In case anyone was wondering, I will be heading to see the beautiful Northern Lights! 😊