To let this be a dealbreaker?

[ECJW96]

I’ve just recently started dating someone, who I knew was really passionate and into their hobby (a sport) but I didn’t realise how much until they got their timetable for games etc - it turns out they will be busy every single weekend for the next 2/3 months.

I was a little bit concerned by this as we don’t live very close to each other (about 2-3 hours) and both work during the week so it’s not like we can just pop and see each other whenever we like - I told them how I felt and that it’s hard to get to know someone and potentially build a relationship with someone when you barely see them. They understood where I was coming from and said they will compromise but that compromise was just a couple of hours here and there which for me I don’t know if it’s enough, especially this early on in something. They also said that if I’m going to find it an issue to let them know so we don’t get hurt later on down the line and for me that felt like even if we was in a relationship that this hobby would come first as a priority. I also said that I’d be happy to go to some of these games but I’m a single parent and the other parent isn’t involved and my child has additional needs and doesn’t always cope well with travel so there’s only so much I can practically do.

The thing is I really like them, and could potentially see myself with them long term and I’m definitely not one to give an ultimatum or anything like that - so I guess do I let this be a dealbreaker or do I stick with it and just make that sacrifice of not seeing them very much for the next 2/3 months and see how it goes?

Agreed to move in with me and then changed his mind at the last minute as his mum told him not to, leaving me with nowhere to live.

Oh god, wrong thread! 😂

It’s simple really. If it’s true love you wouldn’t even ask. If it’s not then no, it’s not worth it. If you don’t know yet, then also no, you want someone you can actually see.

They also said that if I’m going to find it an issue to let them know so we don’t get hurt later on down the line

It’s very obvious from your post that you are going to find it an issue.

They have been upfront with you about this, so do them the courtesy of being upfront with them too, as they’ve asked. You know what the situation is, and it isn’t going to change, so don’t stay in a relationship with them and let them get attached to you when it’s inevitably going to flounder because they aren’t willing to ditch their hobby.

You aren’t wrong to be uncomfortable with the sport thing. Equally, your partner isn’t wrong to want to continue doing something they love, and which is a huge part of their life. Neither of you is being unreasonable; you’re just not compatible and this isn’t going to work.

This. Mind boggling how many pp’s are acting like this lady’s an arsehole for prioritising her hobby. For some people other things are more important to them than a sexual relationship/partner. She’s a very rare person to actually be open and honest about it and actually tell a potential partner, ‘look, I’m into x sport, I’m extremely busy, it’ll come before you, please don’t get into a serious relationship with me if it’s going to cause problems in the future as it’s not going to change’. Not changing the most important thing in your life for a girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t make you a bad person, especially when they’ve told you where their priorities lie

A cynic (mumsnet regular) might think most posts saying the partner is an arse were posted before it was clear they weren’t a man

Tbh if a boyfriend of mine told me that I couldn't do my hobby because they wanted to see me. I would end it

I think the difference is when it’s a woman complaining about getting left for her
boyfriends/husbands hobby, it’s usually because she’s been left at home with the children. This relationship hasn’t really begun yet so I don’t think anyone could complain about either sex letting them know immediately about their lifestyle preferences. To a certain extent it’s on you if you choose to begin a relationship with someone who has told you upfront that they have little time for you. That changes when you have children imo though. Once you’ve had a child your hobbies are irrelevant compared to their needs, or they should be anyway. Both men and women who neglect their children and the other parent for a hobby is an arsehole.

I literally no not a single female with a “time consuming hobby”. Not one!! 😂

Although I suspect “mumsnetting” fills the void for many females!

Football is normally a winter sport so if they are playing now I am guessing you are either currently in NZ or AU I would see how it goes this is a once in a lifetime with the world cup being here. Try and get tickets to a game that's local. I would just see how it goes after 2 or 3 mths isn't long in the scheme of things. I you are dating one of the players either in or very close to one of the national team's I would definitely keep a distance publicly until after. You don't want to end up in the media.

Footy... AFL in Australia? Not heard anyone calling soccer/football Footy.

If it's both days does she play for 2 teams? Or is she professional?

I think she's being totally honest with you and that's a good sign, but the fact you live so far apart and have a young DC is clearly going to make any sort of relationship challenging. If your DC doesn't like travelling and your Ex is not on the scene how do you get to meet up anyway?