My life is a mess and I'm shattered - don't know where to start

[zzzy]

We recently moved house and there are loads of jobs to do on the new place. I've been ploughing all my energy into that and feel I've totally neglected myself. I've put on 10lbs so all my clothes feel really tight and uncomfortable and I feel self conscious wearing them - but I don't have much budget (around £50 max) to spend on new ones.

The skin on my feet is really dry and looks horrible. I've also got blisters and a cut on the back of my feet due to new shoes rubbing so again, I feel so self conscious wearing sandals even though I desperately want to because it's so hot.

My legs also have several bruises on them (again not a great look) due to all the DIY - at least I did finally manage to shave them today though for the first time in months.

I've just started a new job but feel so tired and haggard and down about my appearance. I hate all my clothes and worry I look awful and that others notice.

My kids also need new clothes as they've almost grown out of their old stuff and we're fast running out of food because I haven't managed to do an online shop still.

I just feel so down on myself and so disorganised constantly. Did I mention the house is also a tip - there's toys and other crap everywhere.

When I get home I don't have any energy for the kids and feel guilty about that.

We don't have any money for a holiday this year so time away is not an option.

I'm drinking wine most nights which isn't helping I know.

Does anyone else feel like this and how did you fix it?

I think I need to start a self care regime where I moisturise my feet every night (as one example). I'm just not sure I have the energy.

You need foot cream with urea for the heels, and use a foot file first.
Stop drinking and use the money to buy the kids clothes.
‘Do one thing at a time.

Drinking a bottle of wine every night means you won't be sleeping well. Stop that and you'll soon notice you'll feel better in the mornings, you'll have more energy and you'll lose the extra weight. I reckon this one small change alone would help you immensely.

Small steps each and every day and you'll get there. When you feel good yourself you'll feel better to tackle everything else. You can lose that 10lb, cut out snacks, take the kids out to the park, do a little bit of exercise every day, even 10 minutes. Build it up. Make a plan. Involve the children. Make it fun. Don't sit and drink wine, it won't help with anything.

Thanks everyone. I walk about two miles a day and do lots of housework/running after kids but it hasn't helped me shift the weight. I don't think I snack much either. Do you just get to an age where it gets harder to shift?

Stop the drinking and put that money towards a once a month pedicure/foot treatment. Reduction in drinking will also help your sleep and help you lose weight. You'll feel better about yourself.
Get your children and husband in a routine for cleaning the house - it's not just your responsibility. Try and keep a good bedtime, prioritise yourself.

For me, the wine would be the first thing to go.

I also read something recently that stuck with me, which is that human body is a very efficient machine that only generates as much energy as it needs. That basically means if you are very sedentary, you will continue feeling like that because that’s what your body is used to. If you want to feel more energetic, start increasing the amount of activity you’re doing gradually. So start with a 10 minute walk every day and then start adding 10 minutes when you feel able for example.

With housework, set one goal and focus on achieving it (ie cleaning kitchen table every day). Then start adding another task when that becomes normal.

Another way of looking at is figuring out what your main goal is. It is to look better or to feel better? Then break that down into smaller goals as well. Eg eat better. You also said you want to start moisturising your feet. Tomorrow’s goal is to research cream. The next day, you buy one. Then the day after you moisturise.

TL:DR Cut out the wine. Set smaller daily goals. Buy a diary to assist if you need to.

I actually felt like the way you describe about 6 months ago. I have two little children and a house full of projects etc. I was finding it hard to even shower every day because I couldn't take my eyes off my youngest toddler.

So basically I started a skin care regime in the evening, just literally wiping my face with Miscellar water and moisturising. It sounds silly but I kept it up and it was a catalyst to me looking after myself more and more. I now get up earlier do 30 mins of exercise most mornings and shower before the kids need me.
That would have seemed inconceivable to me 6 months ago.

Also yes I noticed weight became harder to lose in my late 30s. And I agree with others, try to cut out the regular evening wine if poss.

Cut the wine and you'll have more money and will probably lose weight too. Can you find a different way to unwind in the evenings? Have a bath/paint your nails/do some yoga?

I agree that starting by dumping the wine would be a good thing. Take a month off, it doesn't have to be forever.

Could you make a list on your phone now of what the kids need? Just pick things up bit by bit after that. You'll feel more organised having thought about it.

Cracked heel cream with urea works REALLY fast. Honestly, you'll be amazed. Order some now, and put it next to the toothpaste and shove a bit all over tour feet when you do your teeth in the morning. Provided you don't mix the two up you'll be great...

Then I've got to recommend myfitnesspal- I can't say I've hit goal weight but it's really simple, flexible and it does work.

That's where I'd start, anyway.

yes you need less calories as you age. It’s not about snaking necessarily but total calories consumed. Try and cut down a bit calorie wise and should hopefully lose. I’ve gained and feel miserable too but determined to try and lose half a stone by the summer hols.

If you make time to drink every night, you have time to buy your children food and clothes.

I’m sure you do need tips on organisation and whatever, but you also need to seriously look at your priorities.

Well you would have more than £50 to spend on clothes if you knocked the wine on the head. Even the cheapest bottle from the co-op @ £6 a pop X 7 nights a week, £42 towards some foot cream/clothes.

That would even pay for a cleaner a couple of hours per week.

I know it's hard to pack the wine it, but it's honestly just a habit and the calories you are consuming is ridiculous. 5-600 empty cals per night, 3,500 to 4,200 calories per week! Thats where the weight increase is coming from. You'll never lose weight drinking that much. And I'm not preaching btw, I've been there.

Good luck OP. It sounds so tough for you, but honestly, knock the wine on the head and lots of things will improve. 💐 I'm not saying never have a drink btw, just keep it to 1 or 2 days a week.

Can you make a list of everything kids need clothes wise and then go through vinted and pick up a few bits fairly cheap?

For the house I would just try and do one small area at a time - start with a drawer to organize or maybe one zone in a room.

Agree with everyone else - wine isn't helping in the long run as it's expensive and also calories crazy!

I moved house & returned to work after mat leave last year, and this definitely happened to me where I just felt a bit overwhelmed and lost. Now I have established good routines for food and self care again and got settled in the house/ job but it took ages, partly because it IS a lot to cope with with kids as well, but also because I just kept trying to sort all the house stuff straightaway - I wish I had just left everything else and focused on getting myself back on track first, even if the house was a state! My advice would be forget everything thats not an emergency and look after yourself first (and the kids, but they will benefit too!). Maybe not a priority if you have a list of other stuff you need to buy but I also got a Fox planner which someone recommended on here, can get them on amazon, that really helped me plan out my days and take small steps towards goals.

🙂 change one thing a time or it will get too overwhelmed. Urea foot cream? Never heard of it

The wine is majorly doing it op, knock it on the head, do you not eat when you drink, snacks?

I recently cut right back , I was also drinking wine most nights, it was a habit. I sleep better, any puffiness/bloating has gone, my skin is clearer and brighter, and I’ve more energy, and am back in the gym.

it’s astonishing the difference it makes. You don’t need to go teetotal. I was out with friends at the weekend and drunk then, I also drunk wine with dinner on Sunday, but im not having any during the week.

plus the money you save can be spent on other things , like clothes.

Forget the house until you have done these two things,
Stop drinking op ( unless going out with friends)it will make you feel so much better, plus you will lose a bit of weight, and have more money within a month.
Triple whammy and no effort!
Next set up online shop as soon as possible, only takes a few minutes, you can budget better and also buy less crap! Tomorrow after work?
Hopefully those two things alone will help you get back into your clothes.

Buy inexpensive comfortable sliders/sandals that you can wear with everything it will be worth £20-£25.
Make the last 30 minutes of your day for you, shower/hairwash/shave/moisturise. make it a set time then go straight to bed. ( as early as is practical)

Get up 30 mins before you have too and edit one room, easy when you are not tired. Bag for charity, bag for rubbish. Don't worry about tidying yet just edit.

In two weeks of work mornings you will have edited the whole house.
On weekends charity run/ Tip run/ sell on facebook/ebay.

Then in your 30 minutes in the mornings organise a room or part of a room, find a set place for EVERYTHING even if stored in cheap plastic boxes whilst DIY continues. Enforce sticking to it on family members!

Then you can go back to the DIY with an easier house to maintain.

Good luck op!

Brands for urea cream are Flexitol
and ccs( I've used ccs as it's cheaper)

Are you sure you aren't depressed? I know your circumstances are overwhelming, but alcohol is a depressant and make someone feeling low, feel even worse

Around 6 weeks ago I stopped drinking- my wine habit was getting out of hand. I thought I had so much stress but I have half the worry and stress I had now, because drinking was clouding my perception of everything. I feel so good now. The first week wasn't great but after that, brilliant! I've also lost nearly a stone. I'm telling you this because I think you could do it too.

" I can't afford clothes and my kids need clothes"

....

" I drink wine every night" ... Bottle of wine is a new item of clothing... Stop drinking as that will make you feel more shit and start putting that money to good use.

If you are drinking a bottle a night I agree stop doing that and you will have cash for clothes - if it's just a glass it's less of an issue.

Get on Vinted and Ebay for clothes. Buy stuff in sizes and brands that you know you get on with and only with clear pictures and good descriptions so you don't waste money on stuff that's no good.

I like the £3 plimsolls from Primark but admit they are not very supportive so best not to wear them for too much walking. You can get packs of their little socklets for a couple of quid so you don't get smelly feet.

Also weight most likely coming from that wine.

I bought a full outfit from temu including shoes and it cost me £18 for bottoms, top and shoes. Got a dress for £4 for my daughter and a pair of trainers for her for £5

Also everything£5 website is sometimes great too. Poundland also have good clothing section, can get t shirts for £2.. great kids selection