My life is a mess and I'm shattered - don't know where to start

[zzzy]

We recently moved house and there are loads of jobs to do on the new place. I've been ploughing all my energy into that and feel I've totally neglected myself. I've put on 10lbs so all my clothes feel really tight and uncomfortable and I feel self conscious wearing them - but I don't have much budget (around £50 max) to spend on new ones.

The skin on my feet is really dry and looks horrible. I've also got blisters and a cut on the back of my feet due to new shoes rubbing so again, I feel so self conscious wearing sandals even though I desperately want to because it's so hot.

My legs also have several bruises on them (again not a great look) due to all the DIY - at least I did finally manage to shave them today though for the first time in months.

I've just started a new job but feel so tired and haggard and down about my appearance. I hate all my clothes and worry I look awful and that others notice.

My kids also need new clothes as they've almost grown out of their old stuff and we're fast running out of food because I haven't managed to do an online shop still.

I just feel so down on myself and so disorganised constantly. Did I mention the house is also a tip - there's toys and other crap everywhere.

When I get home I don't have any energy for the kids and feel guilty about that.

We don't have any money for a holiday this year so time away is not an option.

I'm drinking wine most nights which isn't helping I know.

Does anyone else feel like this and how did you fix it?

The trouble with the drinking is that you feel like it's an escape and a treat, but it's a trap really. You drink = you feel like crap = you drink....and repeat.

Honestly, giving up the drinking is the key here. You'll sleep better, lose weight, have more money and OH the time! I gave up drinking at Christmas and it's only since then that I've realised how much time I wasted with a drink in my hand, watching rubbish telly.

You have a lot on. Be kind to yourself and spend the wine money on nice treats for you and the kids.

What a brilliant achievement. I bet you feel fantastic. Well done!!👏

This sounds harsh but.....I think you need to give yourself a shake.

You have a new place you are doing work on - thats something positive. If you feel shaving your legs and self care is more important to you than renovating your home then stop the DIY and start prioritising looking good for yourself. If a couple of bruises on your legs affects you that much maybe you should. I'm sure no-one else but you really cares what the skin on your feet looks like.

You'd have more of a budget for clothes if you stopped drinking wine every night.

You sound tired and crabbit. Why not make the decision to hold off the DIY for a week, have a few long baths and early nights and start the next week rejuvenated.

Vinted have some decent clothes for a couple of quid for when you're in between sizes.

kinda similar when I moved house and got divorced last year. My advise is small steps. You did well today shaving. Like others I agree cut the wine. After 10 days you can break a habit. I keep foot cream on the bedside table and just put it on when I get into bed. You have to take the attitude that a reasonable amount of looking after you is non negotiable, everything else has to follow from that. You cannot achieve all this stuff at once. If you do 3 healthy little things for yourself every day you have done really well. Personally I gained weight just due to peri menopause (not sure your age but with me it started from about 41), so maybe consider cyclical progesterone to start, helped me a lot with weight. Just a morning walk or lunchtime walk of 10 minutes where you say 'fuck everyone' may also help. You are not alone and moving is fucking stressful.

This is a really important question. Not clinical depression, but my experience of drinking wine too much

you don’t sleep well, so feel tired th4 next day,
being tired makes you feel much more stressed, irritable and lacking energy
you reach for the wine the next night and it compounds.
you then find yourself constantly feeling irritable, exhausted, stressed, lacking energy, motivation, every day,

it’s a vicious cycle. Stopping it and after a few days you start to feel much better, you sleep better, so you have more energy, less irritable, less stressed, more motivation, get more done.

It’s the wine. Promise you that.
I was like you, drinking nearly every night and then realised I needed to cut down. So I cut it out for 8 weeks, I felt brilliant!
I had some wine last night… and today I feel terrible. Headachy, low mood and generally just blah. Can’t believe I was feeling like this most days. It’s not worth it. So I’m cutting it out again.

My trick was to smash all the wine glasses into the recycling bin. It was cathartic. I won’t drink wine out of any other receptacle so if I didn’t have the glass, I wouldn’t have the wine.

Thank you everyone for the advice (and the gentle kick up the backside!)

You’re right, I think the wine is the main issue here and has become a vicious circle. I’m going to knock it on the head for a bit other than social occasions and maybe Friday/Saturday nights.

I think with tasks like DIY I tend to get fixated on finishing them, to the detriment of everything else.

I found some old foot cream at the back of the bathroom cupboard (Flexotil?) and applied some of that last night. Not much improvement yet but psychologically feels good. Also ordered some cheap new clothes for the kids online.

Task for today: buy a diary on my lunch break and start using it!! Actually having a clear list of what I’m meant to be doing every day will remove quite a bit of stress.

Baby steps!

Have you been drinking a bottle of wine a night? (I've done that in the past.) If so, that's a massive cost apart from anything else. The fact fact that you have continued to do that while saying you don't have money for even kids' clothes suggests it may be something you're pretty reliant on.

Another small win - managed to remember to pick up Father’s Day cards for my dad and DH for the kids to write. I know it may not sound like much but I’m normally the type of person who sorts this at the very last minute, resulting in unnecessary stress. Good to be ahead of the curve for once!

Between half a bottle and a full bottle most nights. Shameful I know 😔

If youre doing DIY do you have sandpaper?
Honestly gluing sandpaper onto a wooden block is the cheapest and most effective way of getting rid of cracked heels. Sand the buggers down and then moisturise!

Other than that, a bottle of wine is 600 odd calories so youre adding 3-600 cals per day which isnt going to assist weight loss.

Echo eBay for clothes, particularly now as nobody is buying so prices are on the floor.

Between half a bottle and a full bottle most nights. Shameful I know 😔

Not shameful, just not helpful to you. I gave up (again) 8 weeks ago. Such a relief!

If it’s too much of a leap then switch to a huge glass, lots of ice and a small splash of gin with a whole bottle of slimline tonic as the days pass just replace your drink until it’s tonic only and ice. There are some lovely flavoured tonics out there and it would be far better for you, and will still feel like a treat and a special drink without alcohol.
Or a wine spritz and slowly add in alcohol free evenings.
You can do this gradually. Keep wine for special occasions only.
The wine has become a crutch that’s all but you can replace it.
I would be getting a cleaner with the money instead - worth every penny.

Use your annual leave to rest, have a massage and finish the house. It will feel so much better with a calm and organised home.

It’s not shameful we all get overwhelmed. You are looking for strategies to cope. You can look at this with compassion. No one wants to feel broken, neglected and exhausted. Hugs. You are doing the best you can 💐💐

How are you doing, @zzzy?