To think this was unfair on DS7

[Silver35]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable here but it's always good to check what others think!

DS7 stayed at his Dad's the weekend just gone. His birthday is tomorrow. His half brother's birthday was yesterday, and he was 5.

On the weekend he was at his Dad's, my ex and his partner threw a birthday party for his younger brother, with presents, food, birthday cake, some of his friends and all the extended family (on that side) went.

DS7 came home very upset because despite his birthday being only 3 days after his brother's, it wasn't acknowledged at all. No presents, birthday cake, no one there to see him.

He now won't be seeing his Dad for 3 weeks as he couldn't have him his regular weekend as he's going away.

Surely that's an awful thing to do, or am I just being overprotective here? Me and my ex don't get along so I'm hoping that isn't clouding my judgement!

As a stepmother myself I would never presume to throw my stepchildren a party personally (but I do my own DC).

Their mum has always done something (although definitely with DH either in attendance or at the very least if he can't be there, mentioning it/bigging it up/getting DSC presents for the day of course). I suspect she'd hate it actually if I threw them parties.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the 5 yo having his own party after all it wasn’t your DS birthday that day & his brother is just as important to his mother as your ds is to you however why it wasn’t acknowledged byway of cards & gifts before he came back to you is odd. I do hate this general view on MN that children born to ex’s after first children aren’t as important as those born first

This!

This is terrible, but try not to let your son think what you think and go ahead with your plans for his birthday. Poor lad x

Agreed. I don't think OP should come at this at the angle of mentioning the 5 year olds birthday or that they should have shared the party or whatnot.

It needs to be about the fact that seemingly his dad hasn't brought it up at all or even got him a present so far as we know. Certainly not one to open on the day it seems.

I hope you are organising a Birthday for your 7 year old and inviting all of DS extended family and a couple of friends. Make it his own but do invite the half brother.
Be the better person; show them how it's done. Set a good example and remind your son that they each have a special day; his is next weekend.

I thought you were going to say his dad would see your DS on his actual birthday. As he's not seeing him for 3 weeks that's very poor form! How can anyone be so insensitive?

Imagine being a dad and having a family party to acknowledge only 1 of your DC, with your unacknowledged DC having a birthday that same week, his family in attendance and him watching on?

If I was a present relative I’d be having serious words with the dad, that poor poor child.

I cannot imagine a 7 YO will be able to rationalise that it’s equal because dad did nothing for either of us (our mums did) when his family were right there.

Next year I’d be keeping DC home, he doesn’t need to have his nose rubbed in it that way.

But that is relevant. It isn't just that his dad has not managed to make a fuss of his son, but that he's failed to do so whilst simultaneously making a fuss of his other son. It's appalling treatment. Nobody, anywhere, has suggested the second child is less important; everyone has been clear that they are BOTH important and it is not acceptable to make a birthday fuss for one and ignore the other's birthday in this situation.

No decent parent would do this, and no decent step parent would do it either. How this child is treated is how her child will be treated when this man moves on.

I mean yes, it's shit, but I wonder about the politics.

Does your ex leave everything to SM to sort and this is a bone of contention between them? If so, I can see why this has happened. Things like this will often happen when the couple consists of a stepmum doing what most mum's do for their own kids, and a dad doing the bare minimum for his.

But yes it is shit of him to have done nothing.

Again though, this would depend to me what has happened in previous years. This is obviously not the first birthday both children have had close together.

I never plan or do a birthday party for my DSC but I do them for my children (and yes their birthdays aren't massively far apart either). This is because their mum always has done something herself for DSC that my husband is either involved with/attends or at the very least bigs up to his DSC I.e. 'i bet you can't wait for your party/sleepover at mums, who's coming, what will you do, will you be staying up dead late? Blah blah blah'.

I do not and have never felt guilty about not throwing the same party for DSC as I do my DC because their own mother does the same for them.

If OP usually does a celebration for her son, I can see why the dad and SM didn't feel the need to do another one at their house. Really it is just the two children being treated broadly the same (you'll never get exact because OPs son has two homes and that's just how it is).

The issue here is the dad has seemingly not mentioned his birthday at all nor even bought him a gift.

I assume given that OP is so annoyed that the 5 year old had a party and her son didn't that she is someone who throws children a party and will be doing that for her son.

The dad is at fault here imo. I would bet my house actually that it was the step mother who arranged the 5 year olds party and she has every right to do that for her child without having to do the exact same for her step son, who's mother most likely will do it for him.

As we see time and time again on threads here, it's often the case that the mothers, both step mother and mother, end up doing the vast majority for their own children. I would assume this is the case here, SM has just thrown her child a party and the dad was there simply because he lives with them. I don't think that makes her at fault.

The dad should be acknowledging his son's birthday, in some form or another even if not a separate party himself.

Christ how absolutely awful :-(

Awful. But you can somewhat make up for his shitness by doing a party for him yourself

Ooooh that’s horrible. I really wouldn’t like that.

Ask ex what he’s doing for your son’s birthday.

How nasty, esp when they’re so close in age