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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not going to wedding?

49 replies

Champagneponies · 13/06/2023 07:55

I've been invited to the evening section of someone's wedding. We're not close though I appreciate the invite.. we're connected professionally but I wouldn't call us friends.

My good friend has also been invited - she is a friend of the bride.

We agreed when we got the invites to go together as it's a 3hr drive away. However I've now been offered a big contract of work that falls on the same weekend and I would earn a lot of money. I've told my friend who I was going with that I'm no longer going. I've apologized as looked forward to going together however said I can't turn the money down.

She is furious and is telling me I have to go with her.

I have been working hard over the past 8 months to relieve some debt. I'm also a single mother and feel the right and responsible action is ofcourse to take the paid work rather than go to a wedding of someone I barely know which would incur travel/accommodation/childcare costs. I really want to take the work.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ItsNotWhatItsNot · 13/06/2023 07:57

Why do you think you could be unreasonable to not attend the evening hours of a wedding for someone you're not friends with?

goldenlocks · 13/06/2023 07:57

Cover your petrol and accommodation. Don't go.

DustyLee123 · 13/06/2023 07:57

Of course you don’t need to go !

snitzelvoncrumb · 13/06/2023 07:59

I would just be honest. Explain why, but be firm that you won’t be going.

Aprilx · 13/06/2023 07:59

I find on mumsnet, posters can be very quick to decline a wedding invite. But in this case, I think it is perfectly reasonable to decline and your friend is being very childish, she is a grown up and can go by herself!

Spirallingdownwards · 13/06/2023 08:00

goldenlocks · 13/06/2023 07:57

Cover your petrol and accommodation. Don't go.

Why? Presumably the other girl would have been going anyway as she is a good enough friend to go to the whole wedding anyway. It doesn't say they have booked anywhere to stay yet.

sparkleice · 13/06/2023 08:00

When is it?

Meeting · 13/06/2023 08:02

She is furious and is telling me I have to go with her.

That comment alone would stop me going. Who does she think she is?

Whataretheodds · 13/06/2023 08:02

Of course you don't have to go.

Have you /she committed any spend - travel or accommodation?

Mintyt · 13/06/2023 08:03

Your "good" friend be furious, is not good, she can be disappointed for herself, but furious?? I wonder if you was asked so you could travel together and split costs. But your right not to go and stay home and earn money.

SchoolShenanigans · 13/06/2023 08:05

It depends how much notice you've given your friend. If it's in the next few weekends and it's a tricky journey/will cost her more then YABU.

If it's still a while away, or the journeys not going to cost her significantly more, than YANBU.

bibbityboppityboo · 13/06/2023 08:06

How much notice are you giving your friend? Will she now incur any extra costs because of you not going?

If it's next weekend and she now needs to drive the full 6 hours over the weekend (if you were splitting it) and pay for the hotel room herself (again if you were splitting) then she's probably NBU to be upset.

If it's in 6 months and she's got ages to plan accordingly then she's being rather over the top, it's always nice to know people at the wedding but it sounds like she's better friends with the bride than you!

Chickychoccyegg · 13/06/2023 08:06

When did you get the invite/when is the wedding?
Had you booked accommodation that is going to affect her cost wise?

Original poster
Champagneponies · 13/06/2023 08:06

We've not booked any accommodation or travel, we're in Cumbria and the wedding is somewhere near Nottingham. I had said I didn't mind driving when we talked about going originally though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Champagneponies · 13/06/2023 08:08

It's in five weeks.

For those asking why I think I may be being unreasonable - my friend is so angry and saying I'm letting her down etc so I feel awful and just want to know if I'm doing the right thing.

OP posts:
LostAtTheCrossRoad · 13/06/2023 08:11

Well if nothing was booked you're in the clear. You haven't said when it is though which makes me think it's very close? I can understand her being disappointed, but then I'd never have accepted an invitation to an evening only do that's up to four hours away in the first place...

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 13/06/2023 08:13

Oops, cross posted! Five weeks away, she can shove her anger frankly! She's not a good friend if she's giving you a hard time for putting your entire family's financial security before evening invitation. She's allowed to be disappointed and even upset, but to hurry you over it, nah. I'd quietly withdraw a bit from her.

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 13/06/2023 08:14
  • Hurt.

It's early, I'm tired, and need more coffee!

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 13/06/2023 08:15

So your friend isn’t happy for you that you’ve had some good fortune in work, and you’ll be easing your debts and making life easier as a single parent?
Some friend.

Let the selfish mare go alone.

Quitelikeacatslife · 13/06/2023 08:16

Its so probably just her initial reaction, I'm sure she'll calm down . Maybe offer to take her to the station or something. Once you calmly keep repeating that you cannot afford not to work she'd be a dick not to back off.

Lkgcsr · 13/06/2023 08:17

I’d be disappointed and annoyed if I was your friend to be honest as it sounds like she was going on the basis that you were going and that she wouldn’t be doing the 3 hours travelling by herself. I don’t think it’s great to let a friend down but I understand your reasons and you have to do what is right for you. If I was your friend I’d be cautious about you committing to something then pulling out again though.

Daffodilwoman · 13/06/2023 08:17

3 hours away for someone you are not close to? No I wouldn’t go.

pizzaHeart · 13/06/2023 09:03

so basically due to situation at work you can’t go to an evening do anymore. Your friend whom you promised to drive there and share accommodation with now is angry at you. Can’t you see who is unreasonable? Of course it’s your friend. It’s 5 weeks notice and she was going to a wedding anyway. She might feel disappointed that things wouldn’t be as planned but that’s all. No need to throw a tantrum.
Hope you’ve sent your sincere apologies to the bride.

autieawesome · 13/06/2023 09:14

Plenty of notice for bride and friend do not feel guilty

coconutpie · 13/06/2023 09:18

Wow, who needs enemies with friends like that eh? Of course YANBU! Your friend sounds awful. Of course she may feel disappointed but it is 5 weeks away and she will just have to get over it. Do not offer to pay for some of her travel or accommodation costs or anything. She has 5 weeks to make alternative arrangements. Take the paid work.