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Original poster

All you lonely people - how do you cope?

47 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 18:36

Hello, I'm a busy lonely person if anyone can relate. I've got a busy job, live alone after a break up 2.5 years ago. Have dated a bit but given it a rest for a bit. Tried everything hence being busy but no new friendships have developed from my efforts and I still feel lonely when I get home from work and at weekends. Today I was pondering how to kill some time and give me reasons to get out. So far I'm thinking : get nails done, maybe have a massage , a swim, the goal I think.is to get myself out at weekends as when I don't organise anything it can make me really low. I've also thought about going to church . Anyone relate? And if you do, how do you manage it? I love coffee shops but am finding reading in them a little lonely these days. Same with browsing the shops. I will pick up dating again, but I need a little time first to get my confidence up

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kelsaycobbles · 12/06/2023 18:50

If 5 to 10% of people are lonely then probably sone of the people you already meet are also lonely - is the problem how to go from casual to a deeper friendship ?

DontBePassiveAggresive · 12/06/2023 18:52

Book club, gym, yoga, walking club, knitting club, arts and crafts club, netball club

Language, musicical instrument, art class

Have a look on meetups

Join local FB groups to see what's going on

SunnySummerPlease · 12/06/2023 18:56

I “found my tribe” through two separate meet up groups, now have something I can attend on both days of every weekend if I want to - changed my life & stopped me being lonely.

SauvignonGrower · 12/06/2023 18:57

This might sound crazy but my friend was in this position and got a job working at a pub on a Saturday night! She found it was just enough social contact with the outside world to punctuate a weekend alone.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 19:26

kelsaycobbles · 12/06/2023 18:50

If 5 to 10% of people are lonely then probably sone of the people you already meet are also lonely - is the problem how to go from casual to a deeper friendship ?

I think so.

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Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 19:27

DontBePassiveAggresive · 12/06/2023 18:52

Book club, gym, yoga, walking club, knitting club, arts and crafts club, netball club

Language, musicical instrument, art class

Have a look on meetups

Join local FB groups to see what's going on

Some great ideas here . I probably need to look for a few more clubs in my area. They seem to be a bit retirement friendly in that there are lots of daytime ones but not so many evening ones

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CheshireDing · 12/06/2023 19:27

Some great club suggestions from DontBe

How about hiking ?

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 19:27

SunnySummerPlease · 12/06/2023 18:56

I “found my tribe” through two separate meet up groups, now have something I can attend on both days of every weekend if I want to - changed my life & stopped me being lonely.

Meet up in my area is not so good, but I will have another look

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Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 19:29

SauvignonGrower · 12/06/2023 18:57

This might sound crazy but my friend was in this position and got a job working at a pub on a Saturday night! She found it was just enough social contact with the outside world to punctuate a weekend alone.

I'd love this and did this years ago. This is an interesting idea . I might look at some voluntary stuff like at rugby clubs etc

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grosslyunfair · 12/06/2023 19:40

I also think it takes time to build any lasting relationship. I'm not a natural joiner but have found a few things I like and joined groups relating to them. It's slow going but I'm gradually starting to get to the going for coffee before and after stage, and building some bonds. I think it's a bit like internet dating- put as many irons in the fire as you can, don't overinvest too early and try to have fun rather than stressing!

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 19:44

Yes good point. I'm not trying to fast track friendships but I probably am guilty of not sticking at stuff for long enough. I think I'd enjoy something like a craft club or art club. I was also thinking about being a charity shop volunteer

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IncognitoMam · 12/06/2023 20:05

Some good ideas I hope you do try them. There's theatre groups etc too. Look on Facebook for women's social groups.
Do you have a community centre nearby? There's often lots on there.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 20:08

I was just working out where in my local area might have a noticeboard to check out clubs etc.
Don't do Facebook and can't due to work but will ask friends to have a look for me

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IncognitoMam · 12/06/2023 20:14

You can do Facebook in a different name. I know people who do this.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 20:15

IncognitoMam · 12/06/2023 20:14

You can do Facebook in a different name. I know people who do this.

I can't do this. But definitely will ask friends to have a look

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AdaColeman · 12/06/2023 20:26

Think about joining a choir or an amateur drama group, or a dance class like Ceroc or jive, they are good places to get to know people.
You sound lovely and jolly, I'm sure you'll find some new friends very soon. Thanks

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 20:40

Thank you! I think I could also get a bit more organised as I have lots of friends but I feel a bit like I need to develop my own life a bit more too. I think I fell into the trap of doing everything with the ex

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C1N1C · 12/06/2023 20:49

There's being lonely alone, and being lonely in marriage...

Tough one. I guess I'm lucky that I'm a probably on the spectrum introvert, and loneliness sort of washes over me.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 20:57

You know I have never ever struggled being alone before (was single for 10 years at one point) but had a lot of bereavement so I think this has rocked me a bit

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Cynthia12 · 12/06/2023 21:01

After divorce and feeling lonely a new friend took me to a gay bar. I did not know where we were going.
It is a friendly crowd and I am considering a night out with a woman similar age to me.
Better music than "Knit & Natter" in Parish Hall.
I am not brave enough yet.

wafflyversatile · 12/06/2023 21:03

Supermarkets sometimes have notice boards. Church notice board?

Maybe volunteering? Something help the aged to help lonely older people. Or gardening at a community garden? The council might have a list of volunteering opportunities.

Nugg · 12/06/2023 21:04

I got a dog. Fortunate that I work from home and it doesn't fill the partner gap obviously. But people stop and chat, and it makes me leave the house daily. Unconditional love too

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 21:13

Nugg · 12/06/2023 21:04

I got a dog. Fortunate that I work from home and it doesn't fill the partner gap obviously. But people stop and chat, and it makes me leave the house daily. Unconditional love too

I'd love this but I definitely can't get a dog. I can borrow a friend's to walk though

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Cynthia12 · 12/06/2023 22:05

The main thing that helped me when under stress was to immerse myself in work. I hustled a promotion and then after a year at that grade, I moved to another place, away from the memory cues from many years where there had been more than one trauma.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 12/06/2023 22:09

Cynthia12 · 12/06/2023 22:05

The main thing that helped me when under stress was to immerse myself in work. I hustled a promotion and then after a year at that grade, I moved to another place, away from the memory cues from many years where there had been more than one trauma.

This won't be an option for me as I'm happy and settled at work but I think I want the new start social wise

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