All you lonely people - how do you cope?

[crochetmonkey74]

Hello, I'm a busy lonely person if anyone can relate. I've got a busy job, live alone after a break up 2.5 years ago. Have dated a bit but given it a rest for a bit. Tried everything hence being busy but no new friendships have developed from my efforts and I still feel lonely when I get home from work and at weekends. Today I was pondering how to kill some time and give me reasons to get out. So far I'm thinking : get nails done, maybe have a massage , a swim, the goal I think.is to get myself out at weekends as when I don't organise anything it can make me really low. I've also thought about going to church . Anyone relate? And if you do, how do you manage it? I love coffee shops but am finding reading in them a little lonely these days. Same with browsing the shops. I will pick up dating again, but I need a little time first to get my confidence up

You’ve got to take up some weekend stuff that interests you - yoga, park run, creative writing, choir, conservation volunteer, pottery, meditation group, church yes (but only if you are genuinely interested) whatever. You will eventually meet people but you have to have an interest in it because making friends takes time. Try and experiment till you find 2 or 3 things. You will quickly get a acquaintances and that goes a long way.

Also experiment with taking yourself off for a you date every week - to the theatre or a gig or an exhibition (or whatever version of that kind of event stuff you are into.) Anything like this helps you feel connected to humankind as a whole, sparks your brain, gives you good conversation material - and I find you often get chatting with people.

Getting your nails done or reading in a cafe is a great way to spend a weekend if you are totally knackered and want a break, but if are lonely and need stimulation it really isn’t.

… Walking groups are great. Ramblers have them for younger people but often they are quite young. It’s chatty and getting out in nature is good for anyone’s MH.

@crochetmonkey74 , I hope I did not give the impression that I had THE answer.
There are times when I hear 'just join a club'. It must be annoying to be part of a photographic club and have people pop in to meet people and not because they have real worthwhile pictures to show.

If you don't hate kids, and enjoy outdoorsy-type activities, I can recommend volunteering as a Scout leader. Sounds a bit random I know, but it's given me a lot of enjoyment and social contact.

I love my craft club. Only meet up a couple of times a month but I find that just enough!

Hi op, what about taking a course if you have a women's tech (or just a tech) near you?

Your ideas are good, but a lot of them are still quite solitary. It's not easy to make friends while swimming or at the gym. But you can at a dance class or bootcamp. Better still a walking or running club means you might get to chat with people.
What about a hobby? Pottery or art or dressmaking - it's easier to make friends doing this sort of thing as people discuss techniques, go to exhibitions or trade fairs together etc.

Join the Parish Council ?

Have a plan, so that life doesn't feel as empty. I ham happy to sit in a coffee shop and do things on my own. If I waited for someone to go with. I'd never do anything. It's still rubbish though. As one bit found my 'tribe'

Just chipping in here with sympathy. I've been through really tough periods of loneliness. It's hard work to develop friendships, but slow and steady seems to have helped. Recognising that people have busy lives and just because somebody says no to meet up one week doesn't mean they're uninterested in doing so some other time.

By the way, if you're on Twitter, search the hashtag #LonelinessAwarenessWeek as there's lots going on this week. The marmalade trust has got some interesting ideas as well: www.marmaladetrust.org/.

Well personally I managed it by moving to Vietnam, where people are generally a lot more amenable to making new friends - that might not be the most practical option though!

What's your situation currently - are you trying to get from very little social contact at all to interacting with other people on a regular basis, or do you have plenty of conversation but you're struggling for more meaningful relationships? I'm a bit unclear as you said you had a lot of friends, so what's the issue there - is it that it's hard to find time to meet up, awkward because you haven't seen them in a while, or are they more acquaintances than good friends?

I've been thinking about this. I am trying to pin down what the hole in my life is and I think it's a partner. I am busy with lots of friends and I am lucky in that some of those friends are people who I could really lean on. I just feel adrift . I don't belong to any family anymore . I only have one sibling. Have some aunties and uncles that are an annual phone call types and attempts to develop that relationship haven't come off.

Thanks for all the suggestions on this thread . I will definitely be using them to help me make some progress

I'm probably repeating some, I'm a single parent to a 2.5 year old and things I find good are:

Growing things in the garden, I can be out most evenings watering or tying things in or picking flowers, and at the weekend.

Volunteer work, one of my dogs is a therapy dog but the same charity also need volunteers to go and walk people's dogs or foster animals short term such as if they are having surgery.

I would also like to do things like go to yoga once or twice a week but can't as once the toddler is in bed I can't go anywhere. Or maybe the gym or for a swim or Pilates type thing. When I'm less tired I'll probably start doing short sets of weights on YouTube vids to kill a bit of time too.

I do like people watching so can happily sit in a coffee shop and look out, but I prefer it on a weekday when most people are working and not at weekends when happy families and couples aplenty.

Bit of an update : got a lead in a charity shop volunteer position and a lady to call back about the WI in my area. Also, have started investigating craft classes and workshops too

@crochetmonkey74 that's a brilliant start. i hope all these things lead to you feeling you have a full and happy life, and friendships blossom from this over time.

That's a great update!! Well done.

When I was single (and I may be again soon) what really really helped was having some routine in my social life, like:

• mum breakfast after school drop of on Wednesdays
• Dinner with friends from whatever on first Thursday of the month
• Coffee with a work colleague on Tuesdays lunch time
• Meeting with best friend on alternate fridays
• etc.

I am not suggesting you do any of the above but knowing there was a social meet up to look to on a regular basis removed much of that feeling of being a alone after shipwreck floating in the sea not sure when you will see anybody next.

I would also suggest you have a look at this TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability/, I realised after divorce that when show your vulnerabilities people open up about theirs too and that when deep friendships are developed.

Not sure if you’ve said defo no to sports but sports teams are a great way of meeting people and making friends x

You could try walking dogs at dog rescues. You can go out and walk the dogs with other volunteers. You will meet nice people, be out in the fresh air and meet some lovely doggies in need of love xx

Great update, welldone x

Fantastic 😊