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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have coffee

53 replies

housinghero · 12/06/2023 10:08

Talk some sense into me . me And my husband of 24 years have a very happy marriage . We are best friends but we have had a bit of a shit 12 months. 2 job
losses and a family bereavement.
we have a local pub that we go into now and then.
a few months ago I had a message from a man that goes into this pub. I don’t know him- seen him there , may have smiled hello but no more .
He sent me a message via Facebook (we are not friends . Saying ‘when can I see you again - I like it when I see you’
I told him to get lost
I have exchanged a couple of innocent messages due to a voluntary organisation his wife (yes he is married ) runs but nothing of substance
ww went to the pub on sat and were sat in the garden with friends.
I felt like I was being watched and turned to where my ‘sixth’ sense was telling me to look and it was him. I messaged him to tell him to stop watching me .
he is a pretty respectable guy and I do find him attractive
I feel a bit confused by it .
I almost want to meet him and
ask him what he is up to!!
tell me to get some sense!!

OP posts:
spangleswereace · 12/06/2023 10:10

Why would you need to meet to ask what he's up to, you already know.

Sissynova · 12/06/2023 10:11

Stop messaging him back.
Why on earth would you be entertaining the idea of meeting him??

DandelionPockets · 12/06/2023 10:12

What are you doing? Good lord.

kezziecakes · 12/06/2023 10:12

He sounds creepy. Definitely don't have coffee.

Febreezefantastic · 12/06/2023 10:12

yes he is married

there you go. He's not that interested in you at all.

Dotcheck · 12/06/2023 10:14

You don’t want to message him just to ‘see what he is up to’ 😂😂😂
You’re playing with fire OP

HomeB · 12/06/2023 10:14

Don't be so fucking stupid. Block him.

BridportSpectacular · 12/06/2023 10:14

He's a player. Only respond if you are completely happy with that. You are looking for an ego boost - he'll offer one...for a time.

Just think through worst case scenario - if you are looking for an out from a marriage don't do it this way.

OutdoorPillow · 12/06/2023 10:14

I would honestly just colored what’s going on with you that you’re willing to give this creep the time of day.

Do you often mistake attention for affection?

I’m sorry but it all sounds rather pathetic and needy.

JobzaGoodun · 12/06/2023 10:15

You're getting your ego stroked by a total creep.

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/06/2023 10:16

Really? Grow up. And tell your husband about his harassment.

Original poster
housinghero · 12/06/2023 10:16

Thanks all
you are spot on

OP posts:
BreviloquentBastard · 12/06/2023 10:16

Oh honey no. Don't be so stupid. You're really willing to risk your marriage to entertain a lecherous creep? Come on now. Get some self respect.

LBFseBrom · 12/06/2023 10:17

He sounds predatory to me. If you were both single it would be different but neither of you are.

It's natural to occasionally feel attracted to, and to enjoy a bit of attention from, someone new, but please don't let that turn your head after years of a good marriage. It will pass, honestly.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2023 10:18

What's he's after if easy sex with someone who's also married so there's no strings and no come back.

Do you want to have casual sex with him? Lie to your husband and help betray his trust? Then go ahead and message back.

Or block him and his penis.

OutdoorPillow · 12/06/2023 10:20

OutdoorPillow · 12/06/2023 10:14

I would honestly just colored what’s going on with you that you’re willing to give this creep the time of day.

Do you often mistake attention for affection?

I’m sorry but it all sounds rather pathetic and needy.

^ “explore”, not “just colored”.
Autocorrect.

Original poster
housinghero · 12/06/2023 10:23

OutdoorPillow · 12/06/2023 10:20

^ “explore”, not “just colored”.
Autocorrect.

Show quote history

Gee thanks for correcting your post calling me pathetic. Your understanding is outstanding

OP posts:
Readyplayerthr33 · 12/06/2023 10:27

You almost want to meet him? So, you’re enjoying the attention basically. Grow up.

You’re married. He is married. He is still trying to hit on you, probably looking to start an affair. He is a creep. And you kind of enjoy it and want to meet him? Yuck.

Endlesssummerof76 · 12/06/2023 10:28

He's exactly the same as lots of other middle aged men - looking for a quick boost to their fragile ageing egos. Block him.

DustyLee123 · 12/06/2023 10:28

He sounds like a psycho. Tell him to fuck off or you’ll tell his wife.

Lacucuracha · 12/06/2023 10:36

It all sounds a bit Eastendery.

You told him to get lost and then gave him come hither looks.

Be honest - you didn't tell him to get lost did you?

warblingwater · 12/06/2023 10:36

It sounds like your self worth must be on the floor if you are even in the slightest bit interested/flattered by this attention.

Time to work on you, build yourself up again after a horrible 12 months and realise you're worth more than being some lecherous guys that you met in the pub's bit on the side

OutdoorPillow · 12/06/2023 11:13

housinghero · 12/06/2023 10:23

Gee thanks for correcting your post calling me pathetic. Your understanding is outstanding

Show quote history

I don’t see the correlation between me correcting an autocorrect issue in part of my post and pointing out that you’re acting in a way that comes across as pathetic and needy.

You really are coming across this way. Most women who were confident in themselves and happy in their marriage wouldn’t give this man the time of day. You really need to ask yourself why you’re letting this man get under your skin so easily.

Original poster
housinghero · 12/06/2023 11:18

OutdoorPillow · 12/06/2023 11:13

I don’t see the correlation between me correcting an autocorrect issue in part of my post and pointing out that you’re acting in a way that comes across as pathetic and needy.

You really are coming across this way. Most women who were confident in themselves and happy in their marriage wouldn’t give this man the time of day. You really need to ask yourself why you’re letting this man get under your skin so easily.

Show quote history

And maybe I’m not confident in myself . I do think that you may need to think about the words you use to strangers .

I was wanting a kick up the arse - hence my post. But I wasn’t expecting to be called pathetic.
you have no idea of my mental state of mind.
Kinder words please

OP posts:
OutdoorPillow · 12/06/2023 11:24

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