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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that puberty might not be a complete nightmare?!

46 replies

Outofthepark · 12/06/2023 07:29

One son coming up to puberty age (11.5) and lots of well meaning friends and neighbours telling me he won't be this happy and calm for long, and the shit is about to hit the fan, and good luck, and constant references to him eating me out of house and home (I'm ready for the last one at least!). Heard it again, unsolicited, on school run this morning from a random bloke at a coffee shop! DS pretty mild mannered, calm and happy but TBF he's quite a big built boy for his age so perhaps that prompts comments?

AIBU in thinking not every kid is going to turn into Kevin & Perry and it might not actually be a complete disaster or should I be unequivocally bracing myself 😄

OP posts:
Londonnight · 12/06/2023 07:33

I have four sons, all now adults. Not one of them was a nightmare through puberty. Yes, they could all eat massively, but there were no other real issues at all, a bit of talk back at times, but that is expected.

Zebedee55 · 12/06/2023 07:33

I had a son and daughter, followed by 4 grandsons and a granddaughter.

There were huge amounts of mood swings, dramas and chaos...but none of them got into any sort of real trouble, and are all in Uni or good jobs now.

When hormones cone through the door, brains and being reasonable seems to fly out of the window.

But, it does pass usually.🙄

Littlebluebird123 · 12/06/2023 07:33

I have teen girls so not quite the same but I've found it ok.
It's a new stage for both of you so you do have to shift your mindset a bit too. You can't parent them the same way as when they were toddlers and they do change how they behave but they're growing up and developing into adults so that's to be expected.
I don't think you can prepare yourself anymore than you can prepare yourself for your first baby. You have no idea what will happen or how they will respond.
I have found that they need you at least as much as they do when they're little but in different ways and you need to be available when they need you as they won't wait. (Very similar to a toddler to be honest!)

Radiatorvalves · 12/06/2023 07:35

I’ve got 2 doing exams this year. They’ve had a few moments, but I certainly wouldn’t say it had been a nightmare. DS18 is hopefully off to uni next year and I’ll miss him.

tymberland · 12/06/2023 07:35

I've two late teenage sons and no real problems through puberty. They eat a LOT, and they answer back a bit, but they're both still lovely. I think it's like when you're pregnant and people can't wait to say "oh get your sleep while you can".

DickieAttenborough · 12/06/2023 07:35

Just coming out of the other side of this with DS, nearly 18. He’s occasionally rolled his eyes but that’s it in terms of teenage snark. He’s still the same lovely person he’s always been.

Eating a lot- definitely yes!

coronabeer · 12/06/2023 07:43

I’ve two girls - aged 17 and early 20s now. Older one slightly moody at times, nothing major ever. Younger one has breezed through with not so much as an eye roll or a slammed door. I put it down to luck, but a nightmare teenager isn’t inevitable. (I was an “easy” teenager, too - maybe there are hereditary factors? What were you like?)

gdjb · 12/06/2023 07:44

I find it very hard to believe my 13 year old will change over night, he is a very sensitive and empathetic lad, I've been told just you wait plenty of times, time will tell but no one in our families did the whole door slamming thing, that said no parent in my family (DH and myself included) would ever stand for it!

DS2 will be more of a challenge I think, he struggles to self regulate now and is impulsive at 10, much less empathetic (spectrum) and isn't as easily disciplined!!

Original poster
Outofthepark · 12/06/2023 08:26

Such heartening answers, thank you all so much 🙂

OP posts:
Plottingspringescape · 12/06/2023 08:29

My DS is 15 now and so far so good. That said his big brother turned into an utter arsehole for a while in his early 20's after being a very easygoing teenager, so I am still bracing myself.

JandalsAlways · 12/06/2023 08:32

This is actually a really interesting point, I recall my own experience to be drama free. Some of my friends not so much. Thinking about it, I feel it was more to do with the parents, my parents wouldn't have stood for any crap!

IhearyouClemFandango · 12/06/2023 08:36

One son coming to that stage, he's a bit grumpy with his younger brother and a little more attitudey but that's manageable.

Daughter is nearly 13 and has started periods etc and she's been fine

Comedycook · 12/06/2023 08:36

I'm amazed so many people are saying they have got through the teenage years with nothing but the occasional eye roll or talking back. You must have very mild mannered DC. My DC are practically monsters 😂my DD told me I was a crap mum last week because I asked her how she was feeling about her exams. My Ds has more unpleasant than pleasant moments when talking to us. We say good morning to him and he looks at us like we're dirt on his shoe. They were both so sweet when they were little!

hamstersarse · 12/06/2023 08:37

I think so long as you are prepared to ‘let them go’ and understand they need to break away from you a bit, which means making a few mistakes, then it’s actually a really joyous part of parenting.

it’s only when you treat them like they are toddlers that you have a hard time, imo. They respond to being trusted with responsibility.

I found it fun and enlightening to see boys turn into men.

chickabilla · 12/06/2023 08:38

My 16 year old has been lovely, generally, but he does eat a phenomenal amount. Second son just turned 13 and I suspect will be more prone to outbursts and youngest has always been the most emotional so I’m bracing myself. However, at least one has gone through puberty with no issues so there is hope! Not for the food though, that’s definitely happening!

waterlego · 12/06/2023 08:43

We have a DD (17) and a DS (15) so we have a few teen years left to go but so far, so good. DS eats a hell of a lot, and both DC love (and need!) their sleep. They can be a bit lazy and disorganised at times and sometimes grumpy but we haven’t had any door slamming or stropping of any sort. Have never once had a Kevin and Perry ‘I HATE YOU’. 😂 Some friends have had huge challenges with their teens but I know plenty of other parents who, like us, are having a pleasant enough time of things.

Carrusa · 12/06/2023 08:44

There's a lot of doubt and angst to deal with, a lot of feelings to take account of and lots of time and patience needed. Your word stops being law, there's a lot of adjustment to make!

But they are also way more interesting and fun to be around than people give them credit for. Secondary school teachers choose to spend their whole career with them and find them rewarding, and you will probably feel like that about your own teen too. It's amazing watching them and helping them branch out on their own.

waterlego · 12/06/2023 08:50

Agree @Carrusa It is REALLY interesting seeing them become young adults- both physically and mentally. I used to work in Secondary schools and while there was obviously some outrageous behaviour and rudeness from some kids, there were also a lot of interesting conversations and a lot of laughter. Teens can be absolutely hilarious.

Beamur · 12/06/2023 08:50

On our third teen now. We've had none of the horror stories you hear of. All good kids, hard working, great fun, get on with each other.
You do have to shift your parenting techniques.
Set your boundaries, be firm but reasonable, incentives definitely work better than punishment.
We have high expectations from them in terms of behaviour - I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to rudely for example. It just doesn't happen.
I have their back and will do everything I reasonably can for them. I want them to be happy and secure at home, to feel loved and listened to.

Selfesteem22 · 12/06/2023 08:52

17 yo had some grumps, v messy bedroom, lots of sleeping, but over all he is a good kid

Comedycook · 12/06/2023 08:53

I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to rudely for example

Ok...how? What would you do?

Selfesteem22 · 12/06/2023 08:54

Comedycook · 12/06/2023 08:53

I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to rudely for example

Ok...how? What would you do?

Yeah I would say pick your battles

FourTeaFallOut · 12/06/2023 08:58

I have two teen boys, 16 and 14, polite, kind, easy to get along with, no drama. I'm sure other teens might be a nightmare and, for all I know my youngest (9) might give me a run for my money, but it's not an inevitability.

Remaker · 12/06/2023 09:04

i have DD almost 17 and DS 15. They have never sworn at me or said they hated me. But I don’t take credit for that. They are nice kids and pretty reasonable most of the time. They’ve given us very little trouble. No sneaking out, drinking etc. DS does eat a lot but that’s fine. He’s in his grunting period so sometimes DH and I look at each other wondering what the hell he just said because it’s not a language we understand.

But then he’ll have a long and engaging conversation, especially if I’m willing to talk about cricket or football, which I am because it’s worth it to have that connection.

gdjb · 12/06/2023 09:10

Ok...how? What would you do?

Well what would you do if your boss, a colleague, a friend or any other adult spoke to you rudely? Do you brush it off with an exasperated sigh?

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