PMT - is it real? Divorce on the cards every month

[FranCall]

Any advice/views on whether the feelings we feel when hormonal (in my case 4 days before my period) are valid/real? I have such rage. Is that normal? Do hormones exagerate stuff or are they actually real feelings?

I really really hate my husband during this time. And I don't know if actually the rest of the time I'm just some people-pleasing doormat & that's why I don't get lived at him? I manage to get on fine the rest of the month but i google divorce solicitors every month without fail and the feeling subsides. But maybe it's just because I'm a wimp the rest of the time?

For example - today he slept in when it was meant to be my lie in and by the time he finally moved (and yes I did keep shouting for him to get up) - I'd already done the toddler and the baby's breakfasts. And then he just made a comment about a young actress (clueless is on the telly) and said "I bet that girl is one of those gross old frozen faced Hollywood types now, pretending she's still hot"

Both of these make me want to literally run away from him. More than the ick, total rage.

But if it happened last week, I'd have probably moved on in about 2 minutes.

Maybe he is actually a real dick though and PMT just means i see him for what he is?

Also - any tips on how to manage PMT rage? It's out of control.

Look up PMDD. 10% of all women suffer from it.

If he is as useless as he appears to be today all the time then it's not PMT love.

I cannot imagine how many people get divorced during the peri or menopause as it completely changes you. I went from being relatively calm to an absolute angry person who could flip at a switch. Now in my 50's, still married but it wasn't easy for any of us.

I am back to being relatively calm now. There is not enough out there to help women who are going through this imo.

Yes it's real I suffered badly and it had a big impact on my life . Sense going through the menopause I'm so much happier, if I had known how great I feel now I would have asked for a full hysterectomy at 40. Would not have got it though. Male doctor in the 90s told me it's something I will just have to put up with , Hmm if men suffered like this a cure would have been found !

Another saying to look at PMDD. Mine is helped by antidepressants but I verge on psychotic at times.

Thank you. What I can't work out is whether these feelings are real? Is the hormonal rage like when you're drunk and you say everything you actually feel but too repressed before to say?

Right now - I am looking at my husband and feel totally baffled as to why I ever went near the guy. That's a really hard feeling to shake and ignore.

I'm nearly 40 - two kids under 3. Working my arse off. And it is pretty annoying that he never gets out of bed when he says he will. but probably not 'i'm going to kill you' annoying i guess.

All feelings are 'real' in the sense that if you're experiencing them, that's how you feel at that moment. But they are also transient and influenced by lots of things including hormones. So I don't think you 'secretly' hate your husband - you hate him when you're hormonal, feeling shitty and he's being useless, so in that moment that's a real feeling.

But other days when you're feeling well and he's thoughtful perhaps you feel differently. I guess it's a decision about whether you could talk to him about these feelings and getting him to be a bit more considerate - especially at that time of the month!!

I definitely get irritated quicker at my DP when I'm on my period. But I don't seethe with rage at him / hate him any time of the month. But I also don't have kids so less of a mental load to carry.

Were you on hormonal contraception when you met him and are you off it now?

I found my symptoms Gradually developed as my cycle progressed. When my period started I felt normal, the week after I felt I could do anything my energy and self esteem was high . Then I began to go down down and I was evil the week before my period.
Pms is real .

Listen to the recent Zoe podcast about menstrual cycles.

It is a real thing.

PMT and PMDD are very real. I’ve been a slave to my hormones since I was 14, so for 41 year 🤦🏻‍♀️. Most symptoms start immediately after ovulation and include a whole host of ‘mental/neuro’ (sorry, can’t think of a better words) symptoms to include: brain fog, anger, neediness, confusion, insecurity, inability to make decisions, hopelessness, very dark thoughts, irritability - especially with husbands - to name but a few. When the period comes it is literally like a switch, with a surge in hormones being felt running throughout the body.

I explain to my DC like this; when we ovulate and are looking for a mate we’re happy, positive and outgoing as we try to attract the mate. Thereafter, until the body has a period and knows there is no foetus, the body is trying to protect the foetus by making us as least attractive and protected as possible. Imagine some kind of wolf, having newly conceived, being an absolute savage at anyone approaching her.

It’s real!

I wondered this too. It changes how you feel about your partner.

Op, I came on to suggest PMDD, or even something like the beginning of hypothyroidism (which made my pmt much worse) but from the two examples given, perhaps you are too forgiving at other times of the month! He sounds a dick

I tend to have one blazing row with DP per month, typically three days before my period starts. Often so out of proportion to the incident that I can't explain it in the moment. Just my experience, can't speak for anyone else. But I generally think he's a good man and partner, with normal flaws, rather than thinking I'm only able to see him clearly when I'm overwhelmed with hormonal rage. But for what it's worth, your man should get a louder alarm and I'd hate that remark about ageing Hollywood stars at any time of the month.

I take extra sertraline every month purely for this.

I guess he never gets out of bed because he knows you will. The only way to deal with this is to NOT get up when it’s your turn for a lie in. Every time.

Yes it’s real. And can get extreme. I have PMDD and manage it with HRT. Pre medication I was getting suicidal and would self harm most months. I would get rage, out of body experiences, and I couldn’t walk down the street for a few days a month. I struggled to leave the house and go to work. DH has said more than once that we would never have lasted if we hadn’t discovered the cause, it’s absolutely debilitating. I’m really sensitive to my hormones, I struggled with my mood to some extent in my first pregnancy but have had full on antenatal depression in my second.

Two separate issues here:

1: PMT and PMDD are very real for a lot of people and they can massively influence your moods and general wellbeing levels.

2: Your DH actually objectively sounds a bit of a misogynist arse (the comment about the actress is gross) so it may be that the cycle magnifies it but the feelings are there underneath.

Menstrual hormones can play havoc with your moods but I think sometimes are quick to sweep poor behaviour under the carpet as “It’s PMT/perimenopause” when they don’t want to face up to what an arse they have married.

Not sure if i wasperimenopausal (think it might have been a combination of breasfeeding and PMDD) but i'm on low dose HRT and so much better now. I would get suicidal and panicky, just generally feel out of my body and out of control. It's not a cure all though. I feel quite down halfway through my cycle sometimes, but it has helped.

Are you on microgynon pill? It sent me batshit every month

PMDD sufferer over here and yes, the rage is very real. I used to feel unhinged at points.

Then I started on Sertraline for some unrelated anxiety and it’s more manageable now. It’s a good treatment for PMDD and it can be taken in the run up to your usual raging days rather than having to take it continuously.

You have my sympathies OP, I felt like a different person in the run up to my period. I’m usually an easy going person but would have 3 days where my anger was almost uncontrollable.

I hardly drink at all but there are a few days a month where I have a couple of glasses of wine very quickly in succession so that I literally DGAF, otherwise I can feel myself about to snap. It's better for us all that I manage it that way and at least I can control myself as I know it's hormonal.

It is real and it is difficult. I don't know whether I will ever get back to pre-menopausal behaviour. I haven't taken HRT but I have friends who swear by that.

Yeah I have PMDD. My dh says there’s two versions of me. Normal me, and psycho me. Psycho me appears when I’m on my period and he stays out of the way

Yea it's real!! I'm a total nutcase! There's a tiny logical bit of my brain that watches and whispers tentatively'you're being a lunatic' but the bitch in me doesn't listen!! 🤣🤣😡👊🏼

OP knows PMS is real, what she’s asking is whether the feelings she feels during that time are her “real” feelings and just obscured by oestrogen during the rest of the month.

I wonder this too and also in relation to perimenopause.

Hormones. I have PCOS, bipolar II and supposedly high ADHD traits. Unmedicated due to allergy.

90% of the time I live a boring, functional life, but I've been tracking my periods since 2016 because they have such a huge impact on my mood and energy level.

Not just PMS, but near the end of ovulation. There are two points a month where I need to go a walk and buy cocktails in a can and chocolate.

I'm more likely to be annoyed at work or argue with my boyfriend. I had to ban myself years ago from quitting jobs or relationships the week before my period.