To think this Father's Day gift is ridiculous

[junedaysaremyfave]

I don't usually bother with Father's Day, as it was never a thing growing up on my family. Plus I'm not especially close with my father and we have had lots of issues over the years, but that's another story.

I have three siblings and my dad has been hinting that he wants an expensive bottle of aftershave (£200). My siblings want us to chip in and buy it for Father's Day, so £50 each.

I have said point blank I don't do Father's Day, and even if I did, Father's Day is a day for a small gesture (a card, box of chocs) not for an extravagant gift. I do birthdays and Christmas only, and even then my present budget is less than £50, so why would I spend that much on Father's Day. And if you do it once, you are then in a trap of doing it every year.

Plus, my dad isn't exactly Mr extravagance with his gifts, so it's not like it goes the other way.

My siblings are annoyed because obviously splitting it between 3 rather than 4 is more expensive. AIBU?

No way would I spend that much! My dad gets a card through the post (lives a distance away), DH gets his dad a card & some beer. Same for mothers day, definitely more token presents.
We also wouldn't spend £50 on a parent for birthday or Christmas either

£50 on a gift seems perfectly reasonable to me and is about what I spend on my parents for their birthdays- we don't "do" Mothers or Fathers Day though.

I would and have spent that much on my dad but I can afford it, he was a great dad growing up and does lots for my kids now. YANBU to tell your siblings it's out of budget for you and go ahead with card/chocolates as you would usually.

YANBU, that is ridiculous. I would never spend that much on a gift for my mum or dad, even on their birthdays. For Mother's/Father's Day it's a card only.

My dad gets cards off me and the DC for Father's Day, he was never really there growing up and we only really have a good relationship now and he's happy with his cards.

However, for my DH I go all out for off the DC. I've spent £120 up to now and will be ordering some more stuff during the week to arrive for Father's Day so total will be around £200. He does the same for me for Mother's Day and I love the children growing up seeing each parent are valued on their days.

I’d happily do that. I’d prefer to get them something they wish. But I think it depends on finances and if I couldn’t afford it I’d say so.

It's one thing not being able afford it but bloody hell, tight arses on here saying they wouldn't spend £50 on their parent for christmas or their birthday!

I think hinting for expensive gifts is bad form but appreciate that is not what you are asking! In your circumstances I would say no too, you are being pressurised to give a gift you do not want to give. If they choose to buy it that’s up to them, I would just give what you are comfortable with.

Totally depends on circumstances doesnt it? It's not the gift. It's the fact that he wasn't a good dad and whether that's affordable. Totally unrelated to the gift or what occasion it is.

Is it tight though? Some people can't afford it, and if you have a big family Christmas is an expensive time. I prefer to get thoughtful gifts and spend time thinking about what the person would like, rather than spend £££ just because.

My dad gives me a £50 gift card for Xmas and my birthday, so it's not like he is particularly extravagant or thoughtful himself.

If you can’t afford it just say so, and spending £££ and being thoughtful are not mutually exclusive. It also makes no logical sense in this context. There is no reason to sit and think about what they would like as they have told you. Plus you stated in your op for Father’s Day you wish to bung him a box of chocolates and are very clear as he doesn’t spend it on you you won’t back. That’s hardly thoughtful/

What have you done in previous years? You say you don't usually bother with Father's Day so why the sudden change of expectations?

Just say that you haven't done Father's Day gifts before so weren't planning on suddenly starting. Your dad and siblings can obviously do what they want.

See if Perfume Parlour do it and send him that - £15 max.

I think this is an area where dads tend to fare less well than mums.

If you can't afford it that's fine
If it's not appropriate because of the relationship you have with him fine

But as a concept spending £50 on a parent to buy them something they really want is not a bad thing.

£200 on perfume is frankly batshit crazy in the first place even if he was the best dad ever. How good can it possibly smell??! There are much better things to spend money on. Give him a bottle of old spice instead.

Yanbu if you don’t usually do it. Why now 🤷‍♀️

I prefer to get thoughtful gifts and spend time thinking about what the person would like, rather than spend £££ just because.

I'd buy it and hoped he loved it. A card and a box of chocs is so boring to receive every year and it isn't a thoughtful gift.
It's not spending the money just because, it's because he's made it clear that's what he wants.

Get gift vouchers towards the fragrance?

It’s not ridiculous if they want to do it, but they shouldn’t expect you to be part of it. Just say no.

Spending £50 on a Fathers Day gift isn't, in and of itself, crazy. Nor does spending £50 (or £5) automatically make the gift thoughtful or not.

However, you're fine not to buy or contribute to a gift if you'd choose not to - and for any reason at all.

I bought my dad a £32 shirt from M&S this year. Have spent more in the past BUT he called me a couple of weeks ago to say 'don't get me a present due to the cost of living, put the money towards spending on your holiday.'

I felt bad getting nothing.

I think you have the right to say no to joining in but depending on whether this would be affordable it might be easier to say yes. If it causes you stress financially, absolutely say no.

I take my dad out. Nice card and a visit to somewhere special - where he grew up, where he and mum had their honeymoon, places that mean something to him. He's 87 and can no longer drive so he loves a picnic and a trip somewhere special.
Llandudno this week! I have been lucky as he is amazing.
OP - you do what feels comfortable for you, £50 is a lot of money for some (me included)

YANBU, to each their own. My dad doesn't care about Father's day and he always insists on no "actual" gifts (like something wrapped, etc), so we either get him a gift card or tickets somewhere he would enjoy, so that he could use it at least. Lots of stuff bought just sat the unpacked, so getting him things is not an option. I do smartshow 3d slideshows for Father's day, though, but that's more like an adding.

Tell them to buy a smaller bottle. 🎻

Exactly what I was going to say but I would spend £50 on my dad because he was my world.