To think this Father's Day gift is ridiculous

[junedaysaremyfave]

I don't usually bother with Father's Day, as it was never a thing growing up on my family. Plus I'm not especially close with my father and we have had lots of issues over the years, but that's another story.

I have three siblings and my dad has been hinting that he wants an expensive bottle of aftershave (£200). My siblings want us to chip in and buy it for Father's Day, so £50 each.

I have said point blank I don't do Father's Day, and even if I did, Father's Day is a day for a small gesture (a card, box of chocs) not for an extravagant gift. I do birthdays and Christmas only, and even then my present budget is less than £50, so why would I spend that much on Father's Day. And if you do it once, you are then in a trap of doing it every year.

Plus, my dad isn't exactly Mr extravagance with his gifts, so it's not like it goes the other way.

My siblings are annoyed because obviously splitting it between 3 rather than 4 is more expensive. AIBU?

I'd spend £50on my dad, or less, or more depending on what he wanted but he deserves it and I can afford to. If neither of those are true for someone else then a different amount is probably appropriate.

@junedaysaremyfave

Well, if my Dad was still here I'd happily spend £50 on a present for Fathers Day. Every penny I have if it would bring him back, so objectively it's not ridiculous.

However, in your situation is reasonable not to want to do it.

your siblings don't have to buy it and they can't spend your money for you. It's their choice to either split it between them or do something else.

you do you, ignore their whinging!

@@SirenSays

so if he wanted a Ferrari they should get it because it's what he wants?

hinting he wants an expensive aftershave is bloody rude, especially given his own lack of present buying.

Well, yes.
OP and her dad are not as close as you and yours or as I was with mine.

I could never buy anything for my dad - he wouldn't let me. So I got Sky installed and paid for the Sports package for him.

Either way, £200 for a bottle of aftershave 🤯 nope.

Yeah, it's called having a limited income and having a budget, or not being lucky enough to have nice parents like you probably did.

I have a complicated relationship with my Dad so father's day is normally a small gift from my DD to her granddad and maybe a book or similar from me. I do buy him bigger gifts at birthday/Christmas but I find it more difficult on father's day. I do.go all out and spend lots on my DH for father's day with DD because he's the best. We like celebrating stuff though and it's what we do. If you don't, you don't and shouldn't be forced into it.

Does it come in a smaller bottle? Or can you all gift him vouchers from the shop? Presume it's Penhaglions, Dunhill or similar. Expensive but amazing scents but always a more price accessible size. And handy if you don't wear a lot so it's not gone off by the time you are half way through the bottle.

If not then yanbu.

As for the tightarse comments. Words fail me. I saw people going off on one on social media at the weekend. A lady thanked a member of Waitrose staff for gifting a bag of sweets to her child when his tooth fairy savings wouldn't cover it.
She was roundly slated for not paying the "going rate" for the tooth fairy even though she'd said she was accompanying her mum and couldn't afford to shop there herself.
People have lost all empathy

You don't have a.good relationship with your father, so don't get him anything. That's all reasonable.

When I still had a dad, I would sometimes spend loads and sometimes next to nothing, because I would find something he would like at the time. I wouldn't have blinked at getting him the aftershave. He was a wonderful man though, so he deserved it. I'm sorry you didn't get a good dad.

Tight arses???

Some people can't afford it
Some people agree to spend less
Some people prioritise other things

Whoops! Reported for removal haha. Thanks @MenoRageisReal

I’ve spent just over that on a perfume for my dad for Father’s Day, so I don’t think it’s a particularly extravagant amount to spend if you have it and you’re happy to spend it.

That said, don’t if you can’t or don’t want to.

I think it's more ridiculous that grown adults demand pricey gifts from their children! My parents would never do this

Can you afford it?If you can I'd definitely do it especially as you haven't bought him a fathers day gift before.I would spend this on my FIL or husband if they asked as it's something special and a family gift.FIL works hard and has done a lot for us.

My FIL has onset of dementia but is still coherent and managing with meds. Their TV has just broken down and MIL is too tight to buy a replacement.

I'm not flush by any means but a new TV will be finding it's way into their living room this weekend. I wouldn't normally spend that kind of money (£200ish) but I love him to bits and watching the cricket on a big screen will please him no end.

My MIL on the other hand. They've got loads of money but even in his twilight years, she's penny pinching to the end 🙄

£50 several times a year, times multiple people, is a lot of money and not sustainable for lots of people's budgets. There's occasional one-offs where people may spend more (milestone birthdays etc ) but being bullied into spending over your budget on an expensive gift, when this is not a usual gift/ purchase for the occasion is not great.

YANBU. Suggest siblings wait until Christmas for the bigger gift, if that is more in-line with what you / your family do?

A joint gift only works if everyone agrees to it.

Id happily transfer £50 to a sibling if it means i dont have to think or traipse round shops

But yes, i agree. Fathers day is usually a card and some beers

Could go smaller though, £200 aftershave is normally the big bottle.

Now, I would have done this for my dad, but he was an absolute legend and I worshipped the ground he walked on. However, he would never have asked for something so extravagant and would have been happy to purchase his own smellies. However, in your situation I don't think you're being unreasonable.

YANBU.

My dad died last year but we didn't really do Fathers Day. I used to send him a card from my daughter and we got him a gift "from" her on the first FD after she was born but only really because he happened to be here that weekend and it was just a token gift.

I think if in your family, Fathers Day has never been a big thing, I would be confused as to why your siblings feel they have to get quite a pricey gift all of a sudden. For us I just get token but nice gifts for my husband and stepdad "from" my daughter, we don't see Mothers Day or Fathers Day as being as important as birthdays or Christmas. The gifts I got this year were quite personal to them but both were under £20.

If you don't usually do Father's Day, then why would you start now and spend such a lot.
I had to put up with FIL having expensive gifts, which he only liked because of the price tag. Whereas, my Dad was always really pleased to get his box of Turkish delight, which he enjoyed for the thoughtfulness, as it was his favourite.

This would be normal to me.

I would do it if your siblings agreed this was to be a combined Father's day/ birthday or Christmas gift (whichever comes next). Rather than setting a precedent for expensive Father's day gifts.

I can't imagine asking anyone for a £200 gift, that's greedy and grabby. If I want something that expensive I would buy it for myself or go without, but in our family we all just do 'token' gifts and cards ... seems to work well. My Dad is no longer alive but my DH is getting two bars of dairy milk from our DS and he will be pleased with that.