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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to give my manager a heads up?

56 replies

threelegdonkey · 09/06/2023 22:33

I work in a pretty small team with an even smaller management team.

One of my management colleagues (who I'll call X) recently confided in me that she was looking for another job as she's tried unsuccessfully to renegotiate the terms of her employment and was just generally unhappy in the job. X hasn't been in the role that long but I don't think it quite met her expectations so tbh I think moving on is probably the best thing for her. I like her as a person but she hasn't been the easiest to work with lately as I think her frustration at the role is becoming more and more apparent at she's putting less and less effort in.

X has told me that she's been looking for other jobs and has had interviews and trial shifts already so it seems only a matter of time before she gets something else and gives her notice in, I have a feeling this will be quite soon.

Would I be unreasonable to give my manager a heads up about this? I'd feel bad going behind X's back to mention this to my manager when she hasn't got another job yet and might even change her mind about it. It's her news to tell and I don't want to feel like I'm gossiping.

At the same time myself and my other colleagues are absolutely on our knees because we are so short staffed and we are about to head into our busiest time of year so to lose another member of staff would really impact us all in a huge way. I was close to tears at work earlier as I was so stressed and overwhelmed. Any possible chance to get ahead in the recruitment process would be really helpful.

Would you want to know if you were the manager? Also, if my manager finds out that I knew in advance and didn't say anything they might be really annoyed. I don't know what to do?!

OP posts:
BonnieGlasses · 09/06/2023 22:34

You need to keep your mouth shut on this one.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/06/2023 22:36

I agree, keep your mouth closed. She might change her mind. This sort of thing always always always gets back to the person concerned.

bibbityboppityboo · 09/06/2023 22:37

Honestly it's not your business to share, like you said it's not your news - it's not set in stone and might not happen.

Keep quiet imo.

Randomness12 · 09/06/2023 22:37

Absolutely no way, don't say anything. People bluster about being unhappy at work all the time, even interviews and trial shifts are a long way from a firm offer and resignation letter. It sucks, but you need to pretend you don't know and instead spend the time preparing to deal with the fall out.

Getolderbutneverwiser · 09/06/2023 22:39

Definitely say nothing! Not your place to share

Workyticket · 09/06/2023 22:39

Jobs can't be advertised until someone puts their notice in so your manager won't be able to get ahead with the recruitment

Not your news to share

Christmascracker0 · 09/06/2023 22:40

Absolutely do not tell the manager, no way.

PriOn1 · 09/06/2023 22:40

It’s highly unlikely they’d start any recruitment process before they were certain she was leaving anyway. The process costs money so they won’t enter into it until it’s finalized. And on top of that, you’ll be creating bad feeling all round and labeling yourself as untrustworthy for breaking a confidence. Don’t do it!

Florissante · 09/06/2023 22:40

It's not your information to share, OP.

BlahBlahBlerg · 09/06/2023 22:40

You seriously need to ask if YWBU to do this?!

Original poster
threelegdonkey · 09/06/2023 22:42

Yes this is all very true. X does have form for dramatically announcing she's had enough and then changing her mind.

It's a tough one as I can see her heart really isn't in it anymore and I don't think that will change but she might hang on just while the extra hours are available which could be months. I do get on well with her and I can see how unhappy she's been so for her sake I hope she does get something else. At the same time I'm absolutely dreading that resignation letter coming because I know the rest of us will be absolutely screwed when it happens.

I think I had better keep my mouth shut and feign ignorance.

OP posts:
Pringleface · 09/06/2023 22:43

For fuck’s sake. Of course you don’t tell your manager.

I once made the mistake of confiding in a colleague that I was unhappy and considering looking for another job. She went straight to the boss and he sacked me on the spot.

LittleRedYoshi · 09/06/2023 22:46

You'd be unreasonable to break your colleague's confidence. You wouldn't be unreasonable to highlight this to your manager:

At the same time myself and my other colleagues are absolutely on our knees because we are so short staffed and we are about to head into our busiest time of year so to lose another member of staff would really impact us all in a huge way. I was close to tears at work earlier as I was so stressed and overwhelmed.

...and to highlight the increased risk of people leaving your team and the additional strain it would cause you if that happened.

If you are going to take this approach, try to go in with some constructive suggestions as well - i.e. not just the problem. I assume that it's not as simple as recruiting more staff or they would have done that already, but if your busiest time of year is coming up, could some temp staff for that period be an option?

Original poster
threelegdonkey · 09/06/2023 22:47

That's really unfair @Pringleface I'm sorry that happened to you.

I very much doubt that would happen in this case though, my manager is lovely and I think if anything they would try and see if they could do anything to persuade X to stay rather than sack her. Obviously I can't know either way so probably best to just say nothing but X has been extremely vocal about how unhappy she is so I don't think it would surprise anyone at this point.

OP posts:
ISeeMisledPeople · 09/06/2023 22:48

"At the same time myself and my other colleagues are absolutely on our knees because we are so short staffed and we are about to head into our busiest time of year so to lose another member of staff would really impact us all in a huge way. I was close to tears at work earlier as I was so stressed and overwhelmed."

This is what you all need to speak to your manager about. You don't mention someone specific might be leaving, but you can say that the pressure of work at the moment is so much that you are all barely coping as it is, it's getting busier, so you need more support. You can say that if someone left, the pressure would be untenable.

Hearti · 09/06/2023 22:48

It’s non of your business

thecatsthecats · 09/06/2023 22:48

Telling your manager would make you a grade A wanker.

However, telling your manager that YOU are stressed out, dreading the busy season, on your knees etc - why wouldn't you do that? If they don't fix that, regardless of this woman leaving, then you should leave too.

Don't be spiteful to her because she has their number whilst you are pointlessly loyal.

And I mean pointlessly. Because when I was a leader, I didn't leave staff feeling like shit when I could alleviate the problem.

ISeeMisledPeople · 09/06/2023 22:49

Crossposted with littleredyoshi

Lesina · 09/06/2023 22:50

No you don’t tell your manager. It’s not your business. Leave it alone.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/06/2023 22:50

I wouldnt do this. If your company can't recruit within the notice period they need to increase the standard notice periods.

The only thing you should mention is what you would have mentioned hadnt you known. Eg 'Alice doesnt seem happy at the moment'. If she isnt meeting expectations then they probably know anyway

BreviloquentBastard · 09/06/2023 22:51

If your workplace is so shit that you're almost in tears at work, that's a management failure. If your workplace is on its knees due to staffing issues, that's a management failure. If one person leaving would have that bad of an impact on the team, that's a management failure. If your manager would be pissed off with you for not telling them this private information, that's also a management failure.

Sounds like you have some shitty management problems. Why exactly do you want to suck up to this shitty management by telling them something that is categorically none of your business?

Original poster
threelegdonkey · 09/06/2023 22:51

@LittleRedYoshi all very good points. I think that's a good way of approaching it.

We've been trying to recruit more staff for a few months but not having much luck. We need another member of management team but have not had any suitable candidates and the other vacancies are minimum wage and zero hour contracts which no one wants (I don't blame them really, don't get me started on those) so we are really struggling.

OP posts:
JandalsAlways · 09/06/2023 22:51

Wow. Don't say anything, that would be an incredible betrayal. I can't believe you'd even think of telling your manager

Tallisimo · 09/06/2023 22:52

No. Do not say anything to your manager.

ThatFraggle · 09/06/2023 22:53

Its your manager's job to manage. Part of that is observing when staff have 'mentally checked out' or are underperforming.

It sounds like a shitty environment. Why are you still there?